


A Poison I Drink Often

by Halevetica



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Derek Hale Takes Care of Stiles Stilinski, FBI Agent Stiles Stilinski, Five Years Later, M/M, Pining Derek Hale, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall is a Bad Friend, Sterek endgame, Stiles Stilinski Has Nightmares, Stiles Stilinski Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-10-10 00:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 42,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17415932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halevetica/pseuds/Halevetica
Summary: It's been years since Stiles left Beacon Hills. He's got a job and a life away from the supernatural, but his past continues to haunt him. He's kept awake by nightmares and memories of those he lost. He puts on a good front when he visits home so no one knows the mess of a man he's become. He's coping, until one particularly bad night when he runs into the last person he ever wanted to see, Derek Hale.(This started as a one shot but I decided to make it longer)





	1. Seattle

Stiles liked to pretend he had his life together. He'd moved to Seattle shortly after graduating from the FBI academy. A professor had offered him a job and he took it. It was an opportunity to get away from Beacon Hills and everyone in it. He still talked to everyone, but he just didn't belong anymore. He enjoyed the city. It was busy, and he was rarely left alone with his thoughts. However, on this particular night, he felt exceptionally alone. In fact, this month had been a rough one. Normally he kept himself as busy as possible when October rolled around, but it had snuck up on him this month and he had been given a week off of work for a tough job he and his partner ran. He had asked, begged even, not to be given the time off, but his boss insisted he and his partner get a week of paid leave. The pair had been caught in the crossfires of a particularly bad hostage situation and had both been shot. They were both okay fortunately, but it had taken its toll on them both. Jeremy, his partner, had taken the time to go visit his sister in Virginia. Stiles decided to keep his time off a secret and avoid visiting until the holiday's. It was just easier not to go home. Too many memories.

However, tonight, Stiles almost wished he'd gone home. He missed the old days, back before things got so complicated. When Stiles' biggest regret was the old pizza he ate for dinner. Nowadays the regret he felt outweighed everything else.

With a huff Stiles grabbed the keys to his jeep. He'd retired roscoe about a year ago. It had helped with some of the haunting memories. He climbed in and breathed in the cool smell of leather. It was chilly, but Stiles welcomed the cool air. It was better than the puddle of sweat he often found himself in in the mornings.

He made his way to the club a few streets from his apartment. He frequented the bar more than he'd like to admit, but drinking had become a way to escape, even if only for a little while. And he usually met someone who was willing to blow off a little steam afterwards.

Stiles hadn't had a steady relationship since Malia. He'd been obsessed with Lydia for years. That obsession turned into a friendship that Stiles was satisfied with. He dated Malia but it was short lived. And then there was Derek. Stiles had crushed on Derek almost immediately, but that's all it was. But as time went on that crush developed into something more, until Stiles found himself head over heels for the werewolf. Stiles had thought that maybe there was something between them, something that could develop, but then Derek just left. He disappeared with Braeden and Stiles never saw him again. That's when Stiles devoted his time to getting into the FBI.

Now almost five years later, and Stiles hadn't fallen for anyone since. It was easier to be single. The occasional hook up was enough for him. Or so he told himself.

He checked his phone to see a text from Lydia,

"She'd want you to be smiling right now, so you better be," Was all it said.

Stiles pursed his lips as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. He had been trying to forget what today was. The day they lost Allison.

Stiles straightened his button down before climbing out of the jeep.

He made his way to the bar and took a seat.

"Stiles," The bartender, Amanda, smiled widely at him, "Usual, love?"

Stiles nodded. He would have opted for something a little stronger, but his usual was already straight whiskey, it didn't get much stronger than that.

-

Derek tensed in his seat, a familiar scent hit his nose. He knew that scent. That wasn't a scent he'd likely ever forget, no matter how hard he tried.

His eyes scanned the room quickly before landing at the bar. Derek's heart leapt into his throat before immediately sinking. He hadn't seen the human in close to five years and yet his heart still raced the same at the sight of him. Only the sight of him now made Derek's heart ache.

His eyes were dark and hallowed. His hair long and scraggly. His normally cheery expression was grave and tired. And he was sporting week old scruff.

Derek watched as he was handed a drink which Stiles threw back quickly with barely a squint.

Derek debated on going over to the human, but he didn't know what he would say. He never thought he'd see Stiles again. What was Stiles doing in Seattle?

-

Stiles tossed back a third drink. He couldn't help but fell like he was being watched. It made him uncomfortable, but he chalked it up to the ghosts of his past haunting him.

"You going through those kind of fast, can I buy you another one?" A voice asked suddenly beside Stiles.

He looked up to see bright blue eyes looking down at him.

"Why not?" Stiles shrugged.

"Blake," The guy said taking a seat.

"Stiles," Stiles responded with a tip of his empty glass.

"Rough day?" Blake asked, just as the drinks were being served.

"Rough month," Stiles corrected before downing his newly acquired drink.

"Maybe I could make it a little better?" The guys placed his hand on Stiles' arm affectionately.

"Oh yeah?" Stiles rose a brow. This guy was cute, however he hadn't had nearly enough to drink yet.

-

Derek gaped at the sight of this guy flirting with Stiles. Derek's wolf bristled beneath the surface. Stiles was either oblivious to this guys' motives or he was willing. Derek didn't know which bothered him more.

"He's single, you should go say hi," A voice spoke then startling Derek. It was the bartender.

"Oh, no, he seems preoccupied." Derek shook his head, offering a half smile.

"I've seen the types of guys he prefers, he'd choose you over him," She winked.

This caught Derek's attention, "He comes here often?"

"Oh yeah, some weeks more than others, but ever since the big hostage situation he got caught up in at work, he's been here every day. Boss made him take a week off." She responded eagerly.

"Hostage situation?" Derek frowned.

"You didn't see it on the news? A couple crazies held up a broker office. He and his partner were running a lead inside when the guys took hostages. Stiles and his partner were two of 'em. They took down the guys, but not without getting shot first. Saved everyone in the building though. Only two other people got hurt, but nothing too serious." Amanda gushed.

A sense of pride washed over Derek. He looked back over to see Stiles flirting back with Blake.

"You mentioned the types of guy's he's into..." Derek said turning back to the bartender, "But you also said he was single."

"Oh, hunny, if you're looking for more than a fun time with a great guy, you're looking in the wrong place. Nobody's been able to lock him down. Lord knows, they've tried." Amanda winked before hurrying off to her next task.

-

"What do you say we get out of here?" Blake grinned at Stiles suggestively.

"Actually, would you mind if I cut in?"

Stiles nearly dropped the glass he was holding.

He blinked at the man in front of him. He looked exactly the same.

"I uh, think I've had too much," Stiles slid a hundred dollar bill across the bar towards Amanda, before standing up.

He grabbed his phone and started for the door.

"Stiles, wait up," Derek called after the human but he was already out the door.


	2. October Fifteenth

Derek rushed into the cold air to see Stiles making his way towards a jeep that wasn't the old faded blue one Derek had known Stiles to drive. Instead a sleek black one sat awaiting the human.

"Stiles, wait," Derek reached Stiles just as he was about to open the driver's side door.

Stiles ignored Derek as he fumbled with his keys.

"Stiles," Derek grabbed his arm, forcing him to face the alpha.

"What?" Stiles snapped, his tone harsher than Derek had expected.

Derek didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he expected from Stiles, but this wasn't it.

"You're not real, you're not here, I'm hallucinating," Stiles spoke as if he truly believed it.

"Stiles, I am real, I am here, you're not hallucinating," Derek's grip loosened on Stiles' arm.

Stiles looked ready to run away, but instead he whispered, "Why are you here?"

Again, not the reaction Derek had expected. It stung.

"I just moved into town," Derek released Stiles' arm.

Stiles tired expression somehow grew more exhausted just by hearing that.

"I can't escape it," Stiles shook his head as he backed away.

"Stiles, are you okay?" Derek took a concerned step forward.

At that moment Stiles' phone rang.

"Of course Scott is calling," Stiles gripped his phone harshly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Derek reached out, but hesitated when Stiles took another step back.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? It's October. In fact, it's October fifteenth. And instead of being buried in work, like I normally am on this day, I got forced time off because I got shot three days ago. And Lydia is sending me texts about it. My dad called this morning. Scott's currently calling, and now you're here, you want to know what's wrong? Everything!" Stiles shouted, throwing his fist into the side of his jeep.

"Stiles," Derek reached out, and gently grabbed the hand he'd just hurt.

Stiles didn't pull away as Derek drained his pain.

"I didn't realize what today was," Derek spoke in a soft voice.

"Why are you here, Derek?" Stiles asked, his tone weak and broken.

Derek released Stiles' hand, "I told you I-"

"No, why are you here, right now, with me?" Stiles gestured between them.

"I caught you scent and saw you at the bar," Derek answered honestly.

"And you chose to say hi?" Stiles sneered at the alpha.

"I wasn't going to, but..." Derek didn't know how to tell Stiles that after all these years he was still drawn to the human.

"But it's October fifteenth," Stiles answered for him.

"You shouldn't blame yourself," Derek spoke up when Stiles pulled his keys back out.

"That's rich, coming from you," Stiles sneered once again.

Derek flinched, but didn't respond. Stiles had a point.

Stiles swore as he dropped his keys trying to unlock the jeep.

"You've had a lot to drink, let me drive you home," Derek said swiping the keys from the human's hand.

"No, I'd rather you didn't," Stiles went to reach for the keys, but Derek kept them out of reach.

"Stiles, don't make me throw you in the back," Derek gave the human a pointed look.

Stiles looked like he was about to respond but then thought better of it.

"Fine," Stiles huffed walking around to the passenger's side.

The care ride was mostly silent, with the exception of Stiles pointing out directions every once in a while.

Derek was usually happy to have silence, but not when Stiles was in the car. Silence with Stiles in the car was like an air horn to Derek's ears.

"You're awfully quiet," Derek commented, hoping that would get the ball rolling.

"I don't have anything to say to you," Stiles responded simply.

Derek couldn't help but notice how stiff Stiles was compared to when Derek knew him. It wasn't a maturity thing, more like a tension that refused to leave Stiles' shoulders.

"You used to always have something to say," Derek chuckled, recalling the numerous times he'd been stuck in a vehicle with the human.

"It's been five years, Derek. Don't pretend to know me," Stiles spoke simply as Derek parked in front of Stiles' apartment.

"Here's money for a cab. Thanks for the ride," Stiles threw a twenty at Derek before slamming the jeep door closed behind him.

"Stiles, wait," Derek ran around the jeep to catch up to the human.

"Derek, please, I don't know how much worse my night could possibly get, but I don't want to find out, so please just leave," Stiles snatched the keys from Derek's hand and turned on his heel.

"I missed you," Derek blurted. He didn't know why he said that but it was too late to take it back now.

Stiles paused mid step.

Derek watched as he slowly turned around to face him.

"Why are you doing this?" Stiles tone was almost pleading.

"Doing what?" Derek frowned. He wasn't doing anything.

"Pretending to care," Stiles threw his hands up.

"I do care," Derek answered tensely. That wasn't something that was easy for Derek to admit, especially when it came to Stiles.

"Bullshit, if you actually cared, you wouldn't have left five years ago," Stiles shook his head.

"You're mad cause I left?" Derek frowned. He didn't think anyone cared.

"Of course I'm mad cause you left. You didn't even say bye. You just...left." Stiles' tone waivered with tears he promised himself he wouldn't cry that day.

"Scott was an alpha, I wasn't needed," Derek shoved his hands in his pockets, his eyes dropping to concrete below his feet.

"I needed you," Stiles snapped. He immediately regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

Derek looked up, his mouth open in surprise.

"Damn it, Derek, please don't make me go through this again. I wouldn't survive you a second time," Stiles' wiped furiously as a stray tear.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Derek frowned.

"It means I'm at a point in my life where I'm okay. I can't slide back now," Stiles answered forcing the rest of the tears back.

"This is you being okay?" Derek gestured to the mess that was Stiles.

"Yes, believe it or not, it is," Stiles huffed. He knew he was a wreck. He liked to pretend everything was fine, but it wasn't. It was the main reason he avoided going home as much. He was afraid everyone would see the mess he was.

Stiles phone rang again just then.

"Hold on a second. Scott's not gonna give up." Stiles huffed. He cleared his throat and pressed answer.

"Hey, man, sorry was in the club, it's loud." Stiles' tone was cheery and familiar.

The fact that it was false hurt Derek deeply.

"Yeah, I'm good. I had a shot in her memory." Stiles answered easily. Like he was talking about an old dog and not a close friend whose death he felt responsible for.

"Sure, I'll see you guys soon. Tell Malia I look forward to kicking her ass at hold 'em." Stiles laughed.

Derek's ears rang at the familiar sound. A sound he never thought he'd hear again. A sound he had come to love.

Stiles hung up the phone and shoved it back into his pocket.

"They don't know," Derek said then, "How miserable you are."

"They didn't lose everyone," Stiles pointed out simply.

Derek frowned.

"After you left, Lydia went to Yale. Malia and Scott started dating. So, I went to Virginia for a while for school. Decided there was nothing left for me in Beacon Hills. A professor offered me a job out here. I took it. It's close enough that I can visit dad on the holiday's but not too close that he gets to see...this," Stiles gestured to himself.

Derek had so many questions, but he could tell that Stiles was beyond his breaking point.

"I'm sorry," Derek said instead, as if that would mean anything to Stiles.

"Yeah, me too," Stiles turned then to walk inside, leaving Derek alone on the sidewalk unsure of what to do. Whatever he did, he wasn't leaving. Not again.


	3. Not Real

Stiles dropped his keys on the table just inside his door. His heart was still pounding from his encounter with Derek. What were the odds that Derek Hale would be in Seattle? Stiles ached to go back down and ask Derek to stay, beg him to never leave again, but Stiles knew better. It would only hurt more when Derek inevitably left again, or worse watching Derek be happy with someone else.

It made Stiles wonder then, if there was anyone in Derek's life. Stiles immediately decided he didn't need to think too hard about that, his night was bad enough as it was.

"It wouldn't be so bad if you'd done better."

Stiles looked up to see the familiar brunette standing in his living room.

"You're not real," Stiles said with a heavy sigh.

"No thanks to you," A sad smile spread across Allison's face.

"I know, I'm sorry," Stiles dropped his eyes to the floor.

When he looked up again, she was gone.

Stiles dropped to his knees then, unable to take it anymore. The pressure of it all, the pain, the guilt, it was too much.

A sob ripped from Stiles' chest as he buried his hands in his face.

-

Derek climbed the stairs of his apartment with a heavy heart. Seeing Stiles had been hard for many reasons. For one, the familiar rush he felt around the human hadn't diminished even after all this time, for another Stiles was broken and Derek couldn't help but feel partially responsible. He'd assumed Stiles would be fine, the pack had Scott, they didn't need him. Except Stiles had said he did. That made Derek remember what Stiles said.

"Please don't make me go through this again, I wouldn't survive you a second time."

What did that mean? Perhaps Stiles blamed Derek. The idea didn't sit well with the alpha. He'd only left because being there was too hard for him. Being around Stiles and not being able to tell him how he really felt, it was torture. But he knew Stiles deserved better than him. Derek had too much baggage. And Stiles was human, he deserved a human life with someone who could give him normalcy. That wasn't Derek and it never would be. He had to always be wary of hunters. He never got another pack, it was easier to stay under the radar that way. Stiles deserved to be with friends and have a family. Derek could never give him that. It was too dangerous.

Derek knew that leaving would be the smartest thing, but he just couldn't bring himself to actually do it. Not after seeing Stiles in the shape he was. Knowing that everyone back home thought he was okay.

Derek ran a hand through his hair, he felt the familiar pull of his alpha wanting to go to his pack mate. But Stiles wasn't a part of his pack anymore. However, the fact that Derek was still in love with the human caused his wolf to disagree. Even more reason he should leave.

-

Stiles stood over his chess board. All the pieces were arranged perfectly across the board. There was Scott, Lydia, Kira, Isaac, Ethan, Aiden and on the king was Derek's name.

Stiles reached for the castle that was fallen over, taken out by the other team's bishop. He flipped the piece to see the name on the tag.

Allison.

Suddenly the piece started to bleed, covering Stiles' hand in the crimson liquid. He dropped the piece with a clatter and took a step back.

"My blood is on your hands Stiles, no matter if you win or lose the game, my blood will always be on your hands." Allison was suddenly standing in front of him.

Stiles wiped his hand furiously on the leg of his jeans.

"Every game you play in the future can't undo what you've done. You'll just find someone else's blood on your hands."

Stiles noticed then, the knight with Aiden's name started to bleed next.

Stiles flipped the board, throwing the scattered pieces. He couldn't look at it any longer.

"You can push it away all you want, but you're still stained," Allison pointed at Stiles'.

He looked down to see the blood stain on his jeans.

When he looked up the room was scattered with bodies, bloody and mangled. Cops that he'd known for years. Teenagers he'd sat next to in English class. Nurses that had comforted him after his mother's passing.

Stiles bolted upright, sweat pouring down his face. His bed was soaked in it. His chest was tight from the heavy breathing and his heart raced with anxiety.

He took deep breaths to slow his heart rate before pulling himself from the bed. The cool air of his apartment sent chills over his drenched body.

He pulled the now damp towel off and tossed it on the growing pile in his laundry basket. He laid out another one and peeled off his wet shirt replacing it with a clean one.

Grabbing for the glass of ice water he kept on his bed side, he slid back into bed.

Most nights were like this. Filled with nightmares of his faults and regrets. He caught a glimpse of Aiden's lifeless body in the corner of his room.

Stiles clenched his eyes shut, willing his mind to make the image disappear.

It's not real, he thought. Just a memory haunting him.

He tipped the glass back draining it in seconds.

He'd ended up in the hospital due to dehydration several months back, he wasn't doing that again.

His mind replayed the nightmare as he settled back onto his pillow. It was just a typical night in the life of Stiles Stilinski, yet he never seemed to be able to get used to it.


	4. I'm Fine

Stiles shoved open the door to his apartment building, letting the cold air cut through him. He didn't know where he was going, but he couldn't stay at home. It was still early. Too early. The sun was barely up. He decided to make his way towards a local park in the middle of town. It was probably a twenty minute walk from his apartment.

"Mr. Stilinski," Stiles turned to see Mrs. Worthwell, an older lady that lived on his floor, smiling at him.

Stiles threw on his fake smile, "Mrs. Worthwell, what are you doing out here this early?"

"My daughter left town this morning, we went out for an early breakfast," She smiled sadly.

"Did you have a nice visit?" Stiles recalled her daughter living in D.C.

"I did. It's always nice to visit with family."

A surge of guilt cut through Stiles. He didn't visit his dad often enough, he knew that, but the reminder still stung.

"You know my Son is coming in next week, I'd like you to meet him," Mrs. Worthwell spoke enthusiastically.

"Of course," Stiles nodded. She'd mentioned her son to Stiles several times. Apparently he recently came out as gay and she had thought Stiles was a good fit. He'd gently declined, claiming he wasn't looking for anyone, but she was persistent. The least Stiles could do was meet the guy.

The older lady beamed, "You have a good day, dear."

"Off to a good start," Stiles winked.

His smile slipped off his face as soon as she was past him.

It got easier pretending. He'd gotten good at it.

Too bad it's not real. Allison's voice echoed in his head.

Stiles took a deep breath as he fought to push the voice away.

-

Derek's heart thudded loudly as he spotted the younger man walking towards him. His hands shoved deep into his pockets, his tired eyes fixated on the ground in front of him.

Derek had decided to swing by and check on Stiles. Just listen in and make sure he wasn't spiraling. It was something Derek used to do back in Beacon Hills, especially after a particularly strenuous altercation.

"Stiles," The name fell from his lips in an almost desperate tone. He could smell the sadness radiating off the human.

Stiles head jerked up. The look that crossed over his face was briefly confused, followed by a wide eyed stare.

Stiles blinked at the man in front of him. He'd woken up sure that he'd imagined the alpha. But here he was again. Why would he be seeing Derek? He'd chalked it up to the grief and alcohol last night, but he had no reason to see Derek. He'd stopped seeing him after he got rid of Roscoe. The old jeep had been full of memories of Derek. Memories that only served to hurt him.

Stiles remained silent and unmoving as Derek took a step forward.

"Are you okay?" Derek knew it was a stupid question. Nothing about Stiles was okay.

"I was sure I made last night up," Stiles finally spoke, his tone quiet.

"You did have a lot to drink," Derek nodded.

Stiles scoffed at that, earning a slight frown from the werewolf.

"What are you doing here, Derek?" Stiles huffed. He really had hoped he'd imagined last night. He didn't need this right now.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Derek answered honestly.

"I'm fine," Stiles shook his head.

Derek heard the lie, and even if he hadn't, last night had made it pretty obvious Stiles was anything but fine.

"And I don't need some quip about lying to a werewolf, yata yata. I'm fine. Am I good? No. And I'm better than I have been? Yes. Is you being here gonna change that? Not for the better," Stiles stepped passed Derek then, not wanting to talk anymore.

Derek's stomach dropped. He turned to see Stiles walking away from him.

"You said, that you needed me, what changed?" Derek asked, his tone harsher than he intended. Like he was challenging Stiles' previous comment.

"You left," Stiles responded not turning around.

Guilt gnawed at Derek's spine, "I'm sorry," his tone had softened now.

Stiles stopped in his tracks. He turned to face the werewolf, "Is that supposed to make it better? Is that supposed to make up for the fact that you weren't there? That you ran away when everyone else kept me at arms length?" Stiles spat, taking a step back towards Derek.

"I didn't know," Derek's jaw clenched. He wanted to be defensive, but he had no bearing. Stiles was right.

"How could you? You left," Stiles sneered.

Derek opened his mouth to apologize again, but Stiles interrupted.

"I don't know what you want from me, but you're not gonna get it. I'm not the same person I was," Stiles' voice broke slightly. It was hard for him to talk to Derek like this. He used to imagine what it would be like to see the alpha again. He imagined it in so many different ways, but none of them like this. He was too guarded now, too afraid to let him back in. It had been years since he thought about running into Derek, or Derek showing up on his door. They'd always been warm greetings. Nothing like this.

"Look, Stiles I never thought I'd see you again, I never intended to. But last night, you walked in and I caught your scent and it felt the same. Like no time had passed. I wanted to ignore you, ignore the pull I felt to talk to you, but I couldn't. And you were so upset and..." Derek ran a hand through his hair, "I don't know why I ran into you, I don't, but I can't pretend I didn't. You're in a rough spot, I can see that. I never intended to hurt you when I left all those years ago. I know if I left now, I'd never forgive myself. Your dad and Scott may not know what you're going through, but I do and you can't expect me to walk away."

Stiles grit his teeth, he felt his resolve slipping. He had to pull it together.

"Would you even bother if I wasn't so broken?" Stiles demanded.

"Of all the places to run into you, it was in a small bar in the middle of Seattle Washington on the anniversary of Allison's death. I don't believe in things like fate, but that's a little suspect," Derek pointed out.

Stiles shook his head, "Coincidence, nothing more."

"Stiles, please, let me be there for you," Derek pleaded. He knew he sounded desperate, but he didn't care. He needed Stiles to let him in.

"I don't want you to be there for me, Derek. You're part of the reason I'm such a mess." With that Stiles turned and walked off.

Derek gaped after the human. There had been no putter of Stiles' heart. He wasn't lying.


	5. Reason

Stiles reached the large brick building sooner than he'd intended. As it turned out, it was only a ten minute drive from his apartment. 

The grey brick was spattered with large windows along every floor. It was a newer building, much newer than the one he lived in.

Stiles looked down at the sticky note in his hand. 

Haven Mills apt. #813 

Pulling in a deep breath, he made his way into the building. 

He reached the elevator and hesitated.

"It only works if you press the button," A voice spoke causing Stiles to look over and see a pretty blonde approaching.

As if it was instinct, Stiles threw on his happy face, complete with a large smile. 

"I was debating to take the stairs, my week off work hasn't done much for my girlish figure," Stiles winked earning a giggle. 

"What floor?" The blonde asked as the elevator door opened. 

"Eight," Stiles answered following the woman into the small metal box. 

"And you were considered the stairs?" The blonde scoffed a laugh.

"Good point," Stiles looked down at the sticky note one last time before shoving it into his pocket. 

"I'm guessing you don't live here?" The woman asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"No, I'm visiting..." Stiles trailed off, a friend felt wrong, "Someone." He finished with a small smile.

"Too bad," She gave a sigh, "I was hoping to run into you again. Perhaps you could give me a call sometime?" She held out a business card just as the doors opened. 

"Uh, yeah, maybe," Stiles took the card as he stepped out of the elevator.

He frowned down before pocketing the card. Emily was her name. She worked at a local law firm.

Stiles remembered why he was there and instantly the hesitation was back. He wasn't sure he'd have gotten into the elevator at all if it wasn't for Emily. 

Stiles scanned the hallway in search of the right direction. He followed the numbers up.

810, 811, 812, 813.

He stopped in front of the door and swallowed hard. He really didn't want to be here, but he knew this was something he needed to do.

Stiles rubbed his palms on his pants, willing them to stop sweating. He didn't have to be nervous. He could do this.

"Are you gonna be a coward about this too? You're pathetic," Allison spoke from beside Stiles suddenly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

Just as his eyes opened the door swung open.

Regret washed over Stiles immediately as his eyes met the familiar sage green ones.

"Stiles," Derek let out breath, almost like relief. 

Stiles wanted to say something, but he couldn't form the words.

"Come in," Derek moved aside so the human could enter. 

The loft was much different from his back in Beacon Hills. 

It was smaller. The floors, while still a darker wood were lighter in color.   
The walls were painted white, other than a stone accent wall near the small metal stairs that lead to Derek's room. A tiny kitchen was tucked behind the stairs, with stainless steel appliances. 

"How'd you know where I lived?" Derek asked, closing the door. 

Stiles gave him an incredulous look.

"Right, FBI," Derek shook his head. Stiles being there had him nervous for some reason. He'd caught the humans scent when he came down from his room. 

Seeing Stiles at his front door made his heart race and his stomach flip. He wanted to ask why he was there, but was afraid to scare him off. 

"I would have called, but to be honest I didn't want you to have my number," Stiles' spoke, staring down at his feet.

Derek's chest ached at Stiles' words.

"I wanted to apologize for this morning. I had a rough night and finding out I didn't imagine you kind of threw me," Stiles looked up then. His ones lively bright brown eyes dark and sullen. 

Derek fought the urge to reach out, to touch Stiles. His wolf craved it. The alpha in him desperate to comfort his pack mate. 

"It wasn't fair of me to blame you like I did. I can't blame you for the mistakes I made, the things I did," Stiles' eyes were back on his feet.

"You blame me for leaving."

Stiles shook his head, "I blame myself for needing you. I wasn't your responsibility. I wasn't a part of your pack." 

Derek tensed at those words. They were like nails on a chalkboard. 

"That's not true," Derek growled. He didn't intend to sound so harsh, but Stiles was wrong.

Stiles looked up again, his face blank of any emotion. 

"You were a part of my pack, but just like everyone else, I couldn't protect you. That's why I left. You had Scott. I could never be the alpha he was," Derek's tone was still tense.

A flicker of something flashed across Stiles' face briefly, but Derek couldn't place it.

"I should get going," Stiles went to step by Derek, but the alpha moved to block him.

"Please don't."

It was a plea, more than a request. 

The familiar crumble of Stiles' resolve made the human tense.

"There's no reason for me to stay," Stiles spoke stiffly. He refused to let Derek back in. 

"For me?" Derek asked quietly.

Stiles' heart gripped.

"Go ahead, let him back in. You'll just scare him off again, or you'll break him like you did me.

Allison's voice echoed in Stiles' head.

"That's not a good enough reason."

Derek's chest constricted as Stiles stepped by him. This time Derek didn't try to stop him. 

He'd felt heart break before. When he lost Paige. When he found out Kate used him. When he found out jennifer used him. When Stiles was possessed. When he left Beacon Hills. But none of them compared to what this heart break felt like. 

Stiles, the fun, playful, spaz Derek had fallen in love with had just confirmed Derek's worst fear. He wasn't good enough. 

It wasn't like Derek didn't already know that, but Stiles had been the one person who always made him feel like he was, until now.


	6. Okay

Two days, it had been two days since Derek had seen Stiles. He'd decided he'd give Stiles space and then he'd reach out again. What Derek did not expect was for Stiles to be in his apartment lobby at ten o'clock at night. 

"Stiles?" Derek frowned as the human looked up.

Stiles let out a sigh. It seemed like Stiles wasn't pleased to be there, but why else would he be here if not for Derek?

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked when Stiles didn't offer an explanation.

"Can we not do this, please? It's late and I just want to go home," Stiles huffed out.

Just then the elevator opened.

"Stiles, you forgot your- Oh hi Derek," A familiar blonde stepped out of the elevator in a silk robe wound tightly around her. 

"You forgot your phone," The blonde handed the phone to Stiles.

"Oh, uh, thanks Emily." Stiles gave a nod as she hurried back into the elevator.

"You slept with Emily?" Derek gaped at Stiles, that explained the smell of woman's perfume violating Derek's senses.

"It was just a one-time thing," Stiles rolled his eyes as he went to step by Derek.

"Whoa, hold on. Since when are you a one-time thing kind of guy?" Derek asked catching Stiles' arm.

"I told you before, it's been five years, don't pretend to know who I am," Stiles snapped.

"Stiles, please this isn't like you," Derek pleaded with the human.

"Can you stop pretending to care?" Stiles barked yanking his arm from Derek's grasp.

"I do care," Derek insisted.

"Why now? Why all of a sudden?" Stiles threw his hands up in exasperation.

"I've always cared Stiles. I told you, I didn't know me leaving would be such a big deal," Derek wished he knew the right thing to say to get Stiles to open up to him.

"Yeah, well that's my fault," Stiles snorted before turning to leave.

"Can we please talk?" Derek took a step to go after the human but didn't make contact.

"What do you think we're doing right now?" Stiles quipped.

"You can pretend you're this person, but I know you aren't, Stiles. I want to know what's wrong, what happened to you? What made you decide sleeping around was the best way to handle this?"

Stiles whipped around, his face serious and his tone bitter, "I do this because it's the only time the voices leave me alone, it's the only time I get any kind of peace. You think I enjoy hooking up with anyone willing? I hate it, it leaves me feeling empty and alone, but you know what? That feeling is better than the taunting and the reminders. You want to know what happened to me? Beacon Hills happened to me," Stiles was shouting.

Derek frowned in concern, "What voices?" 

"Everyone, everyone I let down and hurt," Stiles' voice waivered now.

"The Nogitsune," Derek whispered, realization crashing down on him.

Stiles looked at Derek, waiting for the reassurance he heard on repeat from his dad, Scott, Malia, and Lydia.

"I didn't know," Derek took a cautious step forward.

"Cause you left," Stiles' meant for his tone to sound harsh, but the threatening tears only made him sound broken.

"I'm so sorry," Derek reached out to gently wipe at a stray tear as it slipped down Stiles' cheek.

Stiles, at the contact, clenched his eyes shut. He had to fight this. He couldn't let Derek in again.

"Go ahead, let him in, he won't stay long, you can't keep anyone around long," Allison's voice spoke loudly.

Stiles stepped back then, "No."

"Please, come up stairs, just for a minute?" Derek could see that Stiles was nearing a breaking point and the middle of his apartment lobby wasn't the place for it.

"You won't stay," Stiles whispered around his tears which were falling faster now.

"I'm not going anywhere Stiles, please, just come up stairs," Derek felt like he was coaxing a wounded animal.

"He left once, you really think he won't leave again?" Aiden this time. 

That was never a good sign. He rarely heard Aiden's voice. He usually just saw him. 

"I have to- I have to go," Stiles turned to the door again, but Derek caught him.

"No, Derek you don't understand I-"

Derek cut Stiles off, "I understand just fine, I can smell your emotions remember?" Derek spoke against Stiles ear as he pulled the fighting man into his chest.

"No, I can't. You won't..." Stiles' stopped fighting against Derek and just leaned into his chest as the sobs ripped through him.

"I've got you," Derek held Stiles to his chest, rubbing gentle circles onto his shoulder with his thumb.

Stiles gripped Derek's shirt for dear life, trying to keep his knees from buckling.

"Come upstairs with me?" Derek asked again. While the lobby was quiet at this hour he still wanted to get Stiles out of there. 

Stiles only nodded, letting Derek lead him towards the elevator.

"Just-just for a- a minute," Stiles pulled back from Derek's chest, trying to wipe away the tears as quickly as they fell.

Derek kept a hand on Stiles' lower back.

"I'm okay," Stiles cleared his throat, trying to force back the tears.

"Stiles' it's okay to not be okay," Derek offered in a soft tone. One wrong word and Stiles could try and run. 

Just then the elevator reached Derek's floor, "Come on, just come sit down for a little while. I don't want you driving like this," Derek lead Stiles out and to his loft.

Once inside the loft Derek gestured to the couch, "Sit, I'll get you something to drink."

Stiles sat on the sofa and glanced at the few framed pictures on the side table. His eyes raked over the few family pictures Derek had left, landing on a framed picture of the old pack. 

Stiles' eyes raked over the past members, Erica, Boyd, Aiden, landing on Allison.

"I was so happy," Allison spoke kneeling next to Stiles. She reached out and touched the frame gently with a crimson painted fingernail.

"I'm so sorry," Stiles muttered out loud, his tears fighting to the surface once more.

"You keep saying that, but if that were true, why didn't you do more? Why didn't you sacrifice yourself? You let it in. Why didn't you end it?" Allison's tone was soft and that hurt Stiles more than her taunting.

"Stiles, who are you talking to?" Derek asked stepping into the room then with a steaming mug.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore, Derek," Stiles cried. He hated crying, always had, but he couldn't do this anymore. Derek was right, this wasn't him.

Derek sat next to stiles on the couch and put an arm around him.

Stiles leaned into the alpha gripping onto his shirt like he had before.

Derek wanted to offer words of consolation, but he didn't know what to say. 

"It's almost always her," Stiles sobbed.

"Who?" Derek asked caressing the back of Stiles' head.

"Allison."

"You know it's not her, right?" Derek spoke softly pressing his lips to the top of Stiles' head.

"I know. But I see her and I hear her," Stiles gripped Derek tighter.

"What does she say?" 

"She asks me why I didn't do better. She blames me for her death. I know it was my fault and I own up to that so why does it still haunt me?" Stiles' spoke around broken sobs.

Derek could hear the desperation in Stiles' voice, and also the vulnerability. 

"You've never told anyone?" Derek asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

I thought I would be okay. Sure, I had nightmares at first, but who wouldn't. They got really bad after I started the FBI program. Lydia went off to college, Scott and Malia got together," Stiles pulled back from Derek, "You left."

Derek's stomach churned with guilt.

"So, I buried myself in school. While everyone else was moving on with their lives, I was drowning in the past of mine. I moved out here straight after graduation. I knew I couldn't go back to Beacon Hills. It got worse, but the more I buried myself in work, the better off I was. I got a new jeep, I don't live in the same apartment for more than a year at a time. It keeps the scenery different enough. Slowly I was able to maintain enough so it looked like I was okay on the outside. Usually on the anniversary of..." Stiles trailed off. "I stay at work late and go in early, but my partner and I had a rough call last week, the captain made us take a week of leave. Talk about terrible timing," Stiles ran a hand through his hair.

"You should have told someone. You can't go through this alone," Derek wiped at a left-over tear as he spoke.

"It's been years, it shouldn't still bother me. It's barely a fleeting thought to Scott now," Stiles shook his head.

"Stiles, what you went through, that would mess with anyone, you can't blame yourself for dealing with the aftermath."

Stiles didn't respond. He was glaring down at his hands.

"Can I make you something to eat?" Derek offered after a moment.

Stiles shook his head, "I should be going," Stiles had already said too much.

"Please don't," Derek pleaded. 

Stiles looked up at Derek, "Why are you doing this?" His tone was quiet, like he really was curious. There was no sneer or bitterness.

"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago," Derek sighed, pulling Stiles into him once again. 

Stiles didn't fight, though he knew he should.


	7. Making it harder

Derek woke to the sound of Stiles begging.

"Please stop, please. Just stop."

Derek hurried down the stairs to where the human was asleep on his couch. He reached Stiles' side carefully putting a hand on his arm. He was shaking and sweating. Derek's heart raced with concern. 

"Stiles," Derek gripped Stiles arm gently.

Stiles bolted up, scrambling to get away from Derek.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, it's me," Derek put his hands up to show Stiles he wasn't trying to hurt him.

Stiles relaxed slightly. He heaved deep breaths as his heart rate attempted to slow.

"Are you okay?" Derek reached for Stiles, but he flinched away.

Derek stopped, not wanting to push him. He could see the pain and fear in his eyes.

"Where am I?" Stiles looked around in confusion. Immediately it all came back to him. He'd fallen asleep on Derek's couch, "Shit," Stiles stood tossing the blanket Derek had laid over him off.

"Stiles, wait, please," Derek jumped to his feet as Stiles headed for the door.

"I didn't mean to- I have to go," Stiles was silently kicking himself.

"Please don't leave," Derek grabbed Stiles' wrist.

Stiles turned to face Derek. His green eyes danced with worry. And there was a crease drawing his eyebrows into a concerned frown.

"Derek, I can't do this," Stiles shook his head. His voice cracked. He'd never been good at telling Derek no. Course, he'd never wanted to before. But getting mixed up with Derek again was dangerous and he knew that it would just end up hurting him worse.

"Do what?" Derek didn't release Stiles.

"This," He lifted the wrist Derek was holding.

"I'm worried about you Stiles," Derek said, finally letting go.

"Why?" Stiles practically begged. He didn't understand why Derek was making this so hard.

"Because you were just begging someone to stop while sweating buckets on my couch after telling me you sleep around to keep voices at bay. How could I not?" Derek knew Stiles was a guarded person, he always had been. But he was pushing Derek away harder than he imagined he would.

"I made a mistake staying, I'm sorry," Stiles turned reaching for the door handle.

"Damn it Stiles," Derek pressed a hand to his door to keep it closed.

Stiles' jaw clenched. 

"Why are you fighting me?" 

"Because I don't want you in my life," Stiles growled, his eyes meeting Derek's. Those eyes used to melt Stiles, now they only hurt him.

"Stiles," Derek's tone broke slightly, his hand dropping from the door.

"Why are you so insistent?" Stiles threw his hands up. His voice slightly louder now.

"Because I screwed up leaving, and I won't make that mistake again," Derek answered his shoulders were tense in the way Stiles was familiar with.

"You're only sticking around because I'm broken, and you feel bad for me." Stiles shook his head. "Let me explain something to you. You can't fix me. All you're doing is making it harder."

"Why? Why am I making it harder?" Derek took a desperate step towards Stiles.

Stiles dropped his eyes, shaking his head.

"Please, tell me," Derek lifted Stiles chin.

"Because you were the one I cared about most. You were the one who understood. You knew guilt and losing people. You knew trust issues and nightmares. You were the one I thought I could trust. After everything, Scott pulled away. Malia and I broke up. Isaac took off. Lydia was getting ready to leave for college. I thought I'd at least have you. But you left me too. You were the one who was supposed to stay, to understand." Stiles felt the tears threatening to spill over. 

He couldn't cry over Derek again, he promised to never cry over him again.

Derek pulled Stiles into his chest then, his hand gripping the back of Stiles' hair which was damp with sweat, "I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd care." Derek spoke barely above a whisper.

Stiles wrapped his arms around Derek, unable to stop himself or the tears. 

"I promise I'm never gonna leave you again, please just let me be here for you," Derek begged. His eyes squeezed shut as he held the human.

"Thinking of you was a poison I drank often. I gave you up. I don't know if I can do it again," Stiles gently pulled away from Derek.

Realization washed over Derek then, "That's what you meant when you told me you wouldn't survive me a second time," He looked at Stiles with a frown.

"I don't know if I can trust you," Stiles admitted sadly.

The alpha reached up wiping a tear from Stiles' cheek, "Then let me prove it to you," Derek pleaded.

Stiles saw the pain in Derek's eyes. He was hit then with memories of Derek dying in the passenger side of his old jeep. Of holding Derek above water when he was paralyzed. Of finding Derek unconscious in the elevator of the hospital. Each memory reminded Stiles of how much he cared about Derek.

Stiles shook his head, "I have to go," Stiles grabbed the door handle again, hoping Derek wouldn't try to stop him.

Derek clenched his hands into fists at his sides, "I'm so sorry, Stiles." Derek's voice broke with tears in his eyes.

Stiles paused in the open door, his resolve slipping further.

Derek's heart raced eagerly, praying Stiles would stay.

"Are you only doing this because you feel guilty, or do you really care?" Stiles just wanted to know.

"Can it be both?" Derek asked, forcing back the tears that were too close too falling.

Stiles clenched his jaw, "How do I know you're not lying," Stiles still didn't turn around. His hand was gripping the doorknob harshly.

"If you had called me and asked me to come back, I would have done it," Derek spoke quietly. His tone still uneven. 

Stiles turned around, "You don't know how bad I want that to be true," Stiles knew he was losing this battle. Derek was winning him over. He didn't know if it was because he was so desperate for the comfort, or if he still loved Derek, or if he just wanted Derek to care.

"It is, Stiles, I swear it," Derek took a step towards the human.

"Don't make me regret this, please," Stiles begged, his eyes not meeting Derek's.

Derek let out a heavy sigh of relief.

Stiles turned then, walking as quickly away as he could, he couldn't give in any more than that. He already regretted giving in at all.


	8. Was

Derek stopped in front of Stiles' door. He raised his hand to knock when he heard Stiles' voice inside. The alpha paused, wondering if Stiles was talking to the voices he claimed to hea. 

Relief flooded Derek when he heard another voice respond. Derek had barely slept the rest of the night, he'd been so worried about Stiles. He'd wanted to talk to him sooner, but he hadn't been home earlier. A neighbor of his said he'd gone to the shooting range. Derek decided to try again later. That's what lead him here now with Stiles favorite Chinese dishes in hand.

He knocked and hoped that Stiles would be receptive to his efforts. He didn't even know where to begin to apologize but he wasn't going to screw this up, not again.

Stiles opened the door and Derek immediately smelled his anxiety heighten.

"I thought you might be hungry," Derek gave a hopeful smile, holding up the bag in his hand.

"Everything alright, Stiles?" A man walked up behind the human then. The man was a similar build to stiles with the same color hair and similarly brown eyes.

"Yeah, a friend just stopped by," Stiles' heart rate sped up as he turned to the other man.

"I didn't know you had friends around here," Jeremy frowned. He extended a hand towards Derek.

"Jeremy. I'm Stiles' partner."

Derek took his hand, "Derek. An old friend of Stiles'," He gave a nod.

Jeremy's shoulders tensed slightly at the name, "Not Derek as in Hale..." Jeremy frowned.

"Yeah, actually," Derek glanced at Stiles' who shifted nervously from one foot to the other. 

Instantly the sour smell of anger hit Derek's nose.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jeremy demanded taking a step forward.

Stiles stepped in then, putting his hand on Jeremy's chest, "Jer, don't."

"What's he doing here?" Jeremy demanded again, this time looking at Stiles.

"It's okay," Stiles didn't look away from his partner. He could feel Derek getting defensive.

"Stiles," Jeremy spoke in a tone that said he was concerned.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" Stiles spoke quietly, as if he were in trouble.

Jeremy glared at Derek but didn't respond. 

Stiles took that as a sign it was safe to let Jeremy go, so he removed his hand.

Jeremy's jaw was set and his shoulders tense as he stepped by Derek and out the door.

Stiles let out a sigh as he gestured for Derek to come in.

"What was that about?" Derek asked as Stiles closed the door behind him.

"We went through the FBI program together he knows...a little about you," Stiles answered vaguely. 

"I take it you didn't have any good things to say about me," Derek sighed.

"I was in a bad place," Stiles responded, leading Derek to his kitchen table.

"Was?" Derek scoffed. 

Stiles stopped then, turning to Derek, "Yeah," He answered sharply, "I was. I told you, I'm doing okay."

"If this is okay, I can't imagine what you were going through then," Derek's eyes dropped to the wood flooring.

"You said you brought dinner, what is it?" Stiles took the bag from Derek then, obviously trying to change the subject. 

"Chinese."

Stiles unloaded the bag to see all his favorite dishes. He looked up, his mouth slightly agape, "These are all my favorites."

Derek nodded, "Yeah."

The fact that Derek remembered made something twist inside Stiles' chest. 

"I'm guessing you didn't just come here to bring me dinner," Stiles gestured to one of the chairs before grabbing two forks from the bag and handing one to Derek.

"I just wanted to check on you. I spent most of the night worried about you after you left," Derek looked at the human, gauging his reaction. He was afraid to push Stiles too far.

Stiles' jaw clenched slightly, "I'm fine."

"How often does that happen?" Derek dared ask. 

"It's pretty much a nightly thing," Stiles answered passing a container of fried rice to the werewolf.

"How can you say you're okay?" Derek itched to reach out and touch the human, but he refrained.

"It's gotten better. I didn't used to sleep hardly at all. I used to see her more. I used to see you too." Stiles swallowed thickly as he concentrated on opening the next dish.

"Me?" Derek frowned. That couldn't be a good sign.

"Just glimpses at first, like I'd see you across the street but when I blinked, you were gone. But then, it was like I created an image of you that wasn't there. Anytime I needed someone you showed up, I knew it wasn't real, but I couldn't help but treat it like it was. It took some time before I was able to...let you go." Stiles' smelled heavily of sadness and stress as he spoke. His eyes never leaving the containers of food.

"Seeing you almost cost me my spot at the FBI. I became so dependent on you it started to mess with my reality. Jeremy helped me. I found other ways of coping. After that I saw you but, I forced the images away, until it just memories. I dreamt about you all the time, usually terrible things. I would hear something or see something that reminded me of you and I would have flashes of memories. We did a training seminar in a pool..." Stiles gripped his plastic fork so hard his knuckles were starting to turn white.

"The training was four hours long. All I could think of was you and it hurt...it hurt so bad." The fork snapped under the pressure of Stiles' grip.

Derek reached over and placed his hand over the one still holding the broken fork.

Stiles pulled away, clearing his throat. "I got rid of my jeep. That helped...a lot. I found that whenever I thought of you, I would go out for a drink. Finally, I stopped thinking of you. I managed to distract myself with any guy or girl willing. I submerged myself in work and training." Stiles shook his head before grabbing another fork from the bag.

"I'm so sorry," Derek didn't know what else to say. Sorry didn't seem like enough.

"Me too," Stiles looked up then. His whiskey brown eyes didn't shine like they used to. It hurt Derek to know he took part in taking that shine away.


	9. Jeremy

Stiles walked into work the next morning more tired than usual. His evening with Derek had been stressful for him. They'd kept the conversation light through the rest of dinner. Stiles asked about Cora and Derek asked about Scott and the Sheriff. Derek thankfully hadn't stayed long. 

Stiles knew Derek was trying to give Stiles the space and time he needed but he also insisted he see him later for coffee. Stiles had hesitantly agreed. He hated to admit that having Derek around was comforting for him, however his dreams were now reflecting that by including Derek again. It started when Stiles had fallen asleep on Derek's couch and last night had been a repeat. They were tame as far as nightmares went. Just memories being replayed in tragic ways. Last night's dream had been about the time Stiles had kept Derek from drowning while paralyzed, only this time Stiles couldn't get to Derek no matter how hard he tried. Watching Derek drown in front of his eyes was like drowning himself. He woke in a cold sweat barely able to catch his breath. 

Stiles was thankful he was able to return to work. Five days off was too long to be without a proper distraction.

"Stilinski," Captain Stan Hurley called from the doorway of his office.

"Sir?" Stiles turned to the older man. He reminded him of his father only more rough around the edges.

"You good?" 

Stiles' stomach dropped at the question. He knew the underlying meaning of it and it was painful for Stiles to be so exposed. The captain had picked up on Stiles' mood shifts when October rolled around. And while the older man didn't know why, he always took extra care to make sure Stiles wasn't a threat to himself or his job.

"Yes sir, glad be back at work," Stiles gave a curt nod. 

"That's what I was afraid of," Hurley shook his head with a smile, before going back into his office.

Stiles sat at his desk to see a form sitting on top. A groan rose in his throat as Stiles read the page. He and Jeremy were being put in training assistance for the next week. It was the FBI's equivalent of 'light duty'.

Stiles snatched the paper from his desk and walked towards the captain's office.

"Sir?" Stiles knocked gently on the open door.

"Stiles," The man gestured to the chair across from him without looking up.

"Training assistance?" Stiles sighed, holding up the paper He didn't bother to sit down.

The captain looked up, setting his pen aside.

"You were shot in the line of duty, Stiles. You shouldn't even be in this building right now. I pushed for that. An officer shot gets a minimum of two weeks, with doctor approval. I pulled a lot of strings to get your director to approve that, including the forms Gilbert picked up yesterday," The man clasped his hands on his desk as he looked at Stiles.

Stiles had been surprised and nervous when Jeremy showed up claiming the captain needed them to sign off on their willingness to return to active duty. However, training assistance wasn't active duty.

"I was under the impression those forms would prevent this," Stiles held up the paper once again.

"Look, I want you back out there too, but you were shot," Hurley gestured towards Stiles leaning back in his chair.

"I got nicked," Stiles objected. The bullet had grazed his side, he'd been fortunate really, just a few stitches and he was fine. Jeremy had taken a bullet to the shoulder and while it would leave a nasty scar, there was no serious damage.

"You're lucky that's all it was. And it's your psyche they're worried about."

Stiles sighed, "I just don't understand why this is necessary." Stiles didn't normally cause a fuss, but he needed work right now. He needed the distraction. A week off gave too much time to his subconscious. 

"You know most people would love a week off," Hurley now crossed his arms over his chest.

Stiles stiffened, he knew where this was going.

"Thank you, sir, for getting us back in sooner," Stiles conceded. He turned then to leave.

"Stilinski."

Stiles paused. He knew that tone.

"Sir?" Stiles turned back to his captain.

"I need you to be straight with me."

Stiles swallowed nervously.

"Are you in the right state of mind to be in this office?" Hurley leaned forward, his arms uncrossing to lean on his desk.

"Yes sir," Stiles answered without hesitation.

"Would Gilbert agree?"

"I believe so," Stiles frowned slightly.

"You work too hard," Hurley frowned.

"Work's all I've got sir," Stiles gave a small forced smile.

"That's no way to live." Hurley frowned.

"You need agents who aren't distracted sir, I think I qualify," Stiles stood his ground. He couldn't let Hurley force him into taking more time off, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Work is your distraction," Hurley countered. It was made obvious by the late nights and extra training.

"I don't see how that's a bad thing."

"It's that kind of mindset that can get you killed, Stiles. I suggest you find something to live for that isn't the job."

Stiles' jaw clenched. That stung a bit, but he remained stoic. 

"Don't make me regret bringing you in so soon," The captain nodded towards the door signaling that their conversation was over.

-

Stiles threw punch after punch into the bag hanging in their training room. He had missed being able to unload his stress after work. Now he had a whole week to unload his stress. However, he didn't get the satisfaction of a distracting work day first. 

"Stiles," Jeremy's voice spoke up then, causing Stiles to stop.

"Hey, Jer," Stiles gave his partner a nod.

"Captain called me into his office." 

Stiles paused as he undid his boxing gloves.

"He asked me if I thought you were in the right state of mind to be here," Jeremey continued.

"I questioned training assistance," Stiles explained tossing the gloves back into his locker. He didn't bother asking what Jeremy's answer had been, he knew Jeremy had his back.

"I told you we were getting lucky to be brought back in after only a week, why push it?" Jeremy huffed, opening his own locker.

"Cause it's light duty. It's not work. It's a glorified gym membership." Stiles snapped, turning to face his partner.

"Stiles, I know this is a rough time for you and so does Hurley, don't do something stupid that's get you suspended on leave," Jeremy closed his locker. He gave Stiles a sympathetic look.

"That week off nearly killed me," Stiles pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Was it the week off, or the fact that Derek Hale was knocking on your door?" Jeremy crossed his arms accusingly.

Stiles groaned. He knew this was coming.

"Look, it's complicated," Stiles stepped by Jeremy only to be stopped.

"No, what's complicated is that a man you spent a year hallucinating, after he left you, is bringing you dinner; And you let him in."

Jeremy had every right to be pissed off and Stiles knew it.

"I saw what he did to you. I had to watch it almost cost you your job. I helped pull you back in. And for what? For you to undo it all by falling for the same guy? No." Jeremy shook his head. He released Stiles arm.

"I'm no happier about it, okay? But he showed up and..." Stiles ran a hand over his face, "I tried, okay, I pushed but he...he gets it," Stiles tone was tired.

"If he got it, then why did he leave?" Jeremy threw his hands up in exasperation.

"He thought I was okay. It wasn't until after he left that I spiraled," Stiles shrugged, he knew Jeremy wasn't going to trust Derek, and he didn't expect him to.

"So what, you just forgive him?" Jeremy scoffed.

"I never blamed him," Stiles shook his head sadly.

Jeremy frowned, "He doesn't know."

Stiles bowed his head in shame.

"Wow, well..." Jeremy shook his head to clear it, "Does he now?" 

"No," Stiles admitted quietly.

"And you're not gonna tell him," Jeremy nodded, knowing Stiles.

"What good is it gonna do? He promised not to leave. Telling him would only push him away. He's guarded like that," Stiles shrugged in defeat. 

"Do you still love him?" Jeremy asked quietly.

Stiles swallowed hard, he didn't know how to answer. He didn't even know if he did or not.

"I can't afford to let those feelings back in," Stiles shook his head.

"So are you giving him a chance or..." Jeremy eyed Stiles carefully. 

"I don't trust him, not yet," Stiles shook his head, grabbing the roster. The trainees would be showing up for class soon.

"Good."

"I don't expect you to like this, but I'm asking you to support my decision," Stiles looked at his partner with hopeful eyes.

I want to meet him, properly," Jeremy needed to know this guy if he was going to be back in Stiles' life, "I can't support something that hurts you. You're self-destructive Stiles, so I need to be the judge of whether or not this is something I can support."

Stiles nodded, "Thank you."

"You may be willing to throw yourself off a bridge, but I'm hooking a bungee cord to your ass. So you better get ready to bounce back cause I'm not letting you go that easy," Jeremy clasped a hand on Stiles' shoulder affectionately.

Stiles snorted a laugh, "Thanks, man." 

Stiles watched as his partner headed for the door to meet the trainees. He was lucky to have a partner like Jeremy, he could have easily ended up with a partner like Winchester, bossy and full of himself. He dared say Jeremy was his best friend. Scott would always be like a brother to Stiles, but there was so much distance between them, figuratively and literally. Jeremy might not know about everything, but he knew enough and he was still there for him when no one else was.


	10. His anchor

Stiles was pulling his jacket on when Jeremy approached having put the last of the weights back.

"Where you off to?" Jeremy asked with tilt of his head.

"Coffee," Stiles answered simply. He felt it was probably best to leave off the part where he was meeting Derek.

"That sounds like a great idea," Jeremy threw his arm around Stiles' shoulder leading him towards the door.

"Uh..." Stiles and Jeremy were usually always getting lunch or coffee together, so it would be suspicious if he told him he didn't want him to go.

"You're meeting Derek," Jeremy noted the discomfort in his partners shoulders as he pulled away.

"Kinda," Stiles admitted. He felt like a child with their hand caught in the cookie jar.

"Well I guess now's a good a time as any," Jeremy shrugged with a smile.

"You're doing this now?" Stiles' shoulders slumped slightly. 

"I'm not letting him get his claws in too deep," Jeremy waggled a finger in Stiles face teasingly.

Stiles smirked at the comment. If only he knew how literal that could be taken.

"Promise you'll be nice?" Stiles felt like he was introducing his dad to his new boyfriend.

Jeremy held his hands up, "I promise. But if he does or says anything I don't like, I'm shutting him down," Jeremy warned.

"I'm sure he'll be on his best behavior," Stiles could only imagine the look on Derek's face when Stiles showed up with Jeremy in tow.

"Anything I need to know going into this?" Jeremy asked as if bracing for news he wouldn't like.

"Just that he's as in tune with things as we are. He's got like a sixth sense for knowing how someone is feeling and when they're lying," Stiles didn't know how to tell him that Derek had senses like a dog, literally.

"And he didn't know you were in love with him?" Jeremy raised a brow at his partner.

"I'm a good actor," Stiles smiled. Jeremy was the only person to see him for who he truly was, a broken mess. He didn't have to pretend to be okay around Jeremy though he tried his best to seem fine. He knew if he ever needed to, he could call Jeremy on a really bad night and his partner wouldn't be shocked to find Stiles shitfaced while crying in his own vomit. That had been the first October after Allison's death. Thankfully it was less embarrassing from that point on.

Stiles' heart raced as he spotted Derek at the back of the café they had just walked through. Jeremy nudged Stiles' arm gently.

Stiles relaxed slightly. It was Jeremy's way of subtly letting Stiles know that he was right there. The two had almost picked up their own language over the years. Any time Stiles grew tense or started to shut down all Jeremy had to do was nudge him and Stiles could bring himself back, most times. He liked to think of Jeremy as his anchor.

Derek tuned then, obviously catching Stiles' scent.

"Stiles," Derek's tone sounded almost relieved, like he wasn't sure Stiles would show.

"You seem surprised to see me," Stiles noted. They had agreed to meet at this time and place.

"I wasn't sure you'd come, and you still won't give me your new number," Derek answered meekly.

Jeremy smirked at that. Good, Stiles was being cautious at least.

"Right," Stiles skirted the comment by gesturing towards Jeremy. "You remember my partner."

Derek gave a slight nod.

"I insisted on coming," Jeremy added. He wanted Derek to be clear he was there by choice.

"I assumed as much, what with your reaction yesterday," Derek's eyes met Jeremy's as if challenging him.

"I would like to apologize for that. I was caught off guard." Jeremy spoke bluntly.

Stiles knew it wasn't a genuine apology, but he appreciated the effort.

Derek dropped his eyes to the cup in his hands, "I don't blame you, I don't have the best reputation as it, turns out." 

"Stiles says you moved here recently. How long do you plan on sticking around?" The question was only slightly accusing.

"initially I didn't really plan to be here for more than a year or two. However, now...as long as I'm wanted," Derek's eyes caught Stiles' briefly.

"Wait, you didn't come looking for Stiles?" Jeremy had assumed Derek had hunted him down.

Derek's jaw clenched. "No." 

Jeremy frowned.

"I was at a local bar and I...saw him across the room."

Jeremy noted how tense Derek got when he answered. "And you decided to say hi?" Jeremy didn't quite believe the story.

"I was hesitant. When I left Beacon Hills, I hadn't planned to see him again," Derek answered honestly, his shoulders still stiff.

"So, what made you approach him?" Jeremy knew he was interrogating the guy, but he wanted to know.

Derek's eyes dropped to his cup once again. "It's Stiles," Derek's eyes met Jeremy's then. 

Stiles tried to keep his heart steady, but those words meant more than Derek would know. Just him being across the room was enough for Derek to change his mind.

Jeremy didn't respond. 

The table fell quiet then, which Stiles hated more than anything. The old him would ramble about anything and everything just to fill an uncomfortable silence but he had nothing to say to Derek and Jeremy seemed satisfied enough with the answers he got to stop the twenty questions.

At that moment their waiter approached. 

Stiles felt Jeremy's knee nudge his own under the table causing him to let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. It was in that moment that he realized just how much he depended on Jeremy. Sure, he had gotten to a place where he could handle being alone on the anniversary of Allison's death, but in moments like this, Stiles knew Jeremy was definitely his anchor.

Once the waitress left, Derek spoke up again.

"So how did you two meet?" Derek's eyes bounced between the pair across from him.

Jeremy opened his mouth to respond but Stiles quickly cut in.

"We were roommates."

Jeremy's jaw clenched as he shut his mouth.

"I'm guessing that's not the full story," Derek noticed Stiles' anxiety heighten.

"It's not a pleasant memory," Stiles mumbled his eyes dropping to his freshly delivered coffee.

"Stiles," Derek's tone was almost pleading.

The human's eyes looked up meeting Derek's sage green ones.

"My jeep broke down, big surprise, right?" I couldn't get it started and I was due to arrive at the academy the next day. I had left in the middle of the night and no one knew I was gone. I didn't tell anyone I was in the FBI program. It was maybe four a.m. and I was stuck on the side of the road," Stiles shifted in his seat. 

Jeremy sat silently as he let Stiles tell the story.

"I had a panic attack. I didn't know who to call so I was gonna call you..." Stiles bit down on his lower lip.

Derek's stomach flipped knowing when Stiles needed someone he immediately thought of Derek.

"I chickened out. Told myself you wouldn't answer anyway," Stiles' eyes dropped back to his cup.

"It was the second time I'd ever hallucinated. I couldn't remember if I actually called you or if you just knew I needed you as you so often did," Stiles' eyes met Derek's once again.

"That's when Jeremy walked up, only..." Stiles paused.

"You thought it was me," Derek guessed, finishing Stiles' sentence.

"He calmed me down, he called a tow truck and waited with me. I blacked out and when I came to..." Stiles trailed off.

"We talked, and I found out he was going into the program as well. I gave him a ride and we spent hours that night talking," Jeremy cut in then.

"I'm so sorry, Stiles," Derek's heart ached for the human, "I wish you would have called me."

"I wish you wouldn't have left," Stiles answered sadly. 

Derek's eyes fell to his hands. No number of apologies could undo what he'd done.

"I'm gonna hit the bathroom," Stiles stood then.

"Stiles," Jeremy spoke worriedly.

"I'm okay," Stiles reassured him before walking off, leaving Derek and Jeremy alone at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the next chapter but it was suuuper long so I split it into two. Enjoy!


	11. I can't

Jeremy turned to Derek once Stiles walked away from the table. "I don't know why you're here, but can't you see what you're doing to him?" Jeremy snapped.

Derek's eyes closed, his chin dropping to his chest.

"You're making it worse."

"I know, but...I can't. I can't leave him again," Derek shook his head, his eyes meeting Jeremy's.

"Why not? Haven't you done enough?" Jeremy's tone was frustrated more than it was angry.

"I promised I wouldn't leave him again, I can't do that to him again," Derek's jaw clenched.

"Why'd you leave in the first place?" Jeremy demanded.

"I thought he was okay. Everything he'd gone through...I couldn't help him. I felt responsible, so I ran. He had Scott, I didn't think..." Derek trailed off running a frustrated hand over his face.

"Oh don't get me started on Scott," Jeremy growled. He clenched the coffee cup the waiter had just dropped off. "Look, I don't think you realize how much you meant to him." He turned his eyes back to the raven-haired man.

"That's why I left, because he meant too much to me and I..." Derek trailed off. He was saying too much.

Jeremy narrowed his eyes.

"I screwed up, okay, I get it," Derek's tone was suddenly defensive. 

"You loved him," Jeremy guessed quietly.

Derek's jaw clenched. "No."

"Wow, you're a terrible liar," Jeremy snorted. He hadn't passed at the top of his class for nothing. He knew his body language and Derek's was screaming defensive and vulnerable.

"That's why you approached him in the bar, you couldn't walk away again," Jeremy nodded in understanding. "You still love him."

"Okay, I get it, you're good at your job, are you done interrogating me yet?" Derek snapped harshly. He was putting the nice guy away. Jeremy was treading in dangerous waters.

"Don't tell him," Jeremy demanded then much to Derek's surprise.

"What?"

"Don't tell him that you love him," Jeremy clarified.

Derek's frown deepened.

"You've done enough damage. He wants to trust you again, I can tell. If you truly care about him, let him heal." Jeremy's tone turned pleading. Like he was begging for Stiles' life.

"If you're asking me to leave, I can't," Derek shook his head.

"I'm asking you to let him heal. Don't hurt him again. If you do... I don't think even I could save him," Jeremy's tone was quiet.

"Thank you," Derek whispered earning a frown from the brunette. "For being there when no one else was. He told me he was worse off a few years back and that he's gotten better, it's because of you. Thank you."

Jeremy sat back in his chair without responding. Stiles walked back to the table then.

"I'm sorry, I just needed a minute," Stiles sat back down. "I realize now that leaving you two alone at a table was probably not smart." Stiles could feel the tension between them like a thick fog. He grabbed his cup, letting the hot caffeine calm him.

"Stiles, I need you to be honest with me," Derek spoke up then. He had the serious look Stiles had gotten used to so many years ago.

Stiles paused, the cup still pressed to his lips.

"I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to hurt you, so I need you to tell me what you want," Derek's voice broke slightly, nervous of Stiles' answer.

"What do you mean?" Stiles asked carefully setting the cup down. What had Jeremy said?

"Do you want me to leave? Or do you want me to stay?" Derek felt his wolf itching to reach out to touch Stiles. 

Jeremy's eyes rose is surprise.

Stiles' brow furrowed in a pained expression. His voice was weak as he spoke, "I want you to leave."

The words hurt Derek in a way he'd never experienced. His wolf pushed to come through, but Derek remained in control. His ears tuned in to Stiles' heartbeat, begging for a sputter that never came.

"But I need you to stay," Stiles finished his tone full of the shame he felt.

A sense of relief washed over Derek. But he didn't know what that meant. "What are you asking me to do?" Derek asked weakly, he was holding back tears. Stiles was the only person who could make Derek fell like this. So utterly helpless and broken.

"I don't know," Stiles answered simply.

"You do know, you're just afraid to admit it. You're afraid to love him again because you know he'll never love you back," Allison suddenly appeared in the seat next to Derek.

Stiles gripped his coffee cup harshly. He rarely saw Allison during the day like this. She usually popped up when he alone or at night only. 

He felt his lung crush under the weight of his breaths. He was going to have a panic attack. 

"Really, Stiles? A panic attack right now?" Allison rolled her eyes, "It's pathetic."

Jeremy noticed then the way Stiles' eyes kept cutting towards the chair next to Derek and how his hands started to shake. His breathing quick and shallow.

Derek heard Stiles' heart jump suddenly. His scent turned from anxiety to fear.

"Stiles," Jeremy and Derek both spoke at the same time in the same concerned tone.

"Hey, look at me," Derek grabbed Stiles' hands in his, prying the cut from his grasp.

Stiles' eyes met Derek's.

"You're okay. Tell me what you hear," Derek urged.

"Allison," Stiles squeaked.

"She's not here, Stiles. You're not really hearing her. Tell me something else you hear," Derek shook his head. His thumb caressing over the back of Stiles' hands.

Stiles concentrated on ignoring the brunette next to Derek. He fought to find another sound.

"Dishes," He said then.

"Good," Derek nodded, "Good, I hear it too. Now what do you smell?"

"What?" Stiles blinked at the alpha in confusion.

"Smell, tell me what you smell."

"Coffee," Stiles said looking down at the cup in front of him.

Derek nodded again, Stiles' breathing was gradually slowing as was his heart rate.

"Tell me something you can feel," Derek continued.

"Y-you. Your hands," Stiles' eyes met Derek's once again.

"Yeah, I'm right here. Now describe something that you see," Derek gave Stiles' hands a gentle squeeze.

"Green," Stiles blurted.

"What's green?" Derek frowned.

"Your eyes," Stiles answered not looking away, "They're a soft shade that reminds me of the sage my mother used to grow in the garden." Stiles could breathe again.

"Good, that's...good," Derek's stomach flipped at Stiles' words. "You okay?" Derek asked.

Stiles, realizing his hands were still in Derek's, gently pulled away. "Thank you." He nodded.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Don't," Stiles interrupted. "I appreciate what you're doing," Stiles meant it. He could tell that Derek really wanted what was best for him.

He suddenly realized Jeremy's hand on his back.

"We should get back to work," Stiles stood then.

"Give me a chance to think about my answer. Please," Stiles looked at Derek with sad eyes.

Derek nodded, "You know where I live."

Stiles hurried for the exit, wanting to get as far from Derek as possible. The familiar feeling in his gut reminded him what loving Derek felt like and it wasn't something Stiles could handle right now.

Jeremy pushed back from the table pausing to look at a heartbroken Derek.

"No one has ever been able to pull him out of a panic attack like that besides me and I've never been able to do it that quickly. Earlier you said you couldn't help him. I think you were wrong," With that Jeremy followed after Stiles.


	12. Profiler

Stiles’ hands shook as he attempted to steady his gun. The usually comforting metal felt strained in his grasp. He had already gone through an entire clip, missing his target almost every time. The few shots that did hit where nowhere near where he’d been aiming.

“You alright, Stiles?” Johnson asked from the next lane over. He was also practicing, only his shots hit the center of his target every time.

“I’m distracted, clearly,” Stiles gave a forced smile as he gestured to the barely touched target at the end of his lane.

“Is it cause of the bullet wound?” Johnson asked with a concerned frown.

“Nah, Gilbert got the worst of it,” Stiles shook his head, “I just had a run in with an old friend.

“Ah, I know that look,” Johnson nodded, “An ex is never fun to encounter,” He chuckled.

Stiles let out a breathy laugh of his own.

“Maybe you should take your frustrations out on the punching bag, might have more luck,” Johnson winked.

“You know, I think you’re right,” Stiles gave another forced smile. The familiar brunette was now standing next to Johnson shaking her head in disappointment.

“How are you supposed to protect all those people if you can’t even shoot a piece of paper ten feet away?” Allison scoffed.

“I’ll see you later,” Stiles hurried out of the room not bothering to collect his target.

“No, that’s fine, run away.” Allison called after him.

He stepped into the hall and practically ran right into Captain Hurley.

“Whoa, you alright, Stilinksi?”

“Oh, sorry sir, I’m just…running late,” Stiles lied trying his best to make it believable.

“You look a little shaken up, you sure you’re okay?” The captain frowned, his eyes falling to Stiles trembling hands.

“Yes sir,” Stiles nodded, clenching his fists to keep them from shaking.

The captain nodded, though his didn’t look convinced, “Go home, get some rest.”

“Yes sir,” Stiles nodded again before turning and rushing out the door.

Stiles made his way out of the building trying to calm himself. The fact that Allison was showing up at work was a problem. That hadn’t been an issue in almost three years.

“Stiles, I thought you’d be here,” Jeremy’s voice caused Stiles to look up. His partner was walking towards him.

“Hey, Jer,” Stiles let out a sigh. Just the sight of his partner made Stiles feel better.

“You okay?” Jeremy frowned.

“Are you profiling me?” Stiles smiled teasingly.

“What, it’s my specialty. I’m a profiler, sue me,” Jeremy teased back, “But no really, I know that look.”

Stiles’ eyes dropped. He knew that lying to Jeremy wouldn’t help but he was afraid of what he would say about the fact that he was seeing Allison more.

“You said you heard Allison earlier at the restaurant,” Jeremy looked at Stiles expectantly.

The two hadn’t discussed their coffee date with Derek. Jeremy didn’t want to push Stiles to talk about it and Stiles didn’t want to hear Jeremy tell him he needed to stop seeing Derek.

“I’ve…been seeing her more,” Stiles dropped his eyes to his feet.

“Why do you think that is?” Jeremy asked gently.

“I don’t know,” Stiles shrugged. He didn’t want to blame it on Derek showing up, but it did correlate. He just didn’t understand it.

“Is it cause I left you to deal with her anniversary alone?” Jeremy’s expression was riddled with guilt.

“I told you to go see your sister, she’s the only family you’ve got and you said she’s been going through a hard time. You had a week off.” Stiles gave Jeremy a reassuring smile.

“That doesn’t mean I liked the idea of you dealing with it alone,” Jeremy huffed.

“I don’t think that’s it. I was doing…okay.” Stiles shrugged.

“But…” Jeremy urged Stiles to continue.

“But that’s the night Derek showed up,” Stiles admitted. He dropped his eyes once again.

“Wait, he’s been in town that long?” Jeremy raised his brows at Stiles.

“I know, I should have told you sooner, but I knew you wouldn’t like it,” Stiles sighed. He felt bad keeping it from Jeremy.

“It’s not that I don’t like it, I’m just worried about you,” Jeremy shook his head, “And…maybe Derek being here isn’t a bad thing.”

Stiles snapped his head up, “What?”

“I don’t know, and it’s obviously up to you but…He knew exactly what to say to calm you down earlier,” Jeremy shrugged. He watched Stiles carefully, gauging his reaction.

Stiles’ eyes saddened, “He always knew how to handle me.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Jeremy asked cautiously.

“If he’s the reason I’m seeing Allison more…I can’t do it. I can’t let him being here undo my progress. I can’t afford to backtrack.” Stiles shook his head, “I just tried to shoot and unloaded almost a full clip into the wall. I maybe got three hits on my actual target, and they were not good hits.”

“You’re keeping Derek at arms length right?” Jeremy asked.

“I’m trying to,” Stiles nodded.

“What if you stopped trying and just let things happen? Maybe Derek could help you.”

Stiles rose his brows at Jeremy in surprise. He never expected him to be pro Derek, ever.

“I know he hurt you when he left, but he doesn’t want to leave now and as a professional profiler, I’m inclined to believe him,” Jeremy explained.

“You really think he’s gonna stick around?” Stiles had wanted to believe Derek but he was so afraid that he was lying.

“I think if you asked him to, he would,” Jeremy nodded.

Stiles nodded, “Thank you.”

Jeremy gave Stiles’ shoulder an affectionate squeeze. 

-

Stiles stared down at the message he had typed up. He wasn’t sure he had the courage to send it.

“Come on, Stiles, you know he’s not gonna stick around. And even if he wanted to, you’d find a way to run him off. If he ever found out you were in love with him, what makes you think he wouldn’t take off?”  
Allison was now in the passenger seat of his jeep.

Stiles refused to acknowledge her. She wasn’t real.

“You can ignore me all you want, you know I’m right. That’s why you haven’t sent the text yet. You know the only reason he’s even still here is because he feels bad for you. Poor pathetic Stiles."

Stiles squeezed his eyes shut, willing the voice to go away.

“She’s not wrong, Stiles.”

Stiles’ eyes flew open to see now, in place of Allison, was the nogitsune. 

The wrapped face that often haunted his dreams was now haunting his reality.

“No, no, no, no. You’re not real. You’re not here. I’m alone. It’s just me.” Stiles gripped his phone tightly, his hands shaking.

“You’re more alone than you realize. We killed them, Stiles.”

Stiles finger pressed the call button above the text message. He lifted the phone to his ear, letting the ringing block out anything else.

“Hello?” Derek’s voice answered. The sound sent a wave of relief crashing over Stiles.

“Derek,” His voice was weak.

“Stiles?” Derek’s tone sounded surprised and concerned all at once.

“I…I need you. I-I…” Stiles couldn’t get anything else out.

“Where are you?” Stiles heard shuffling in the background as if Derek was in a rush.

“Home,” Stiles answered looking up at his building from the drivers side of his jeep.

“I’ll be right there.”

Stiles had dreamt of this day. Where he could call Derek and his alpha would come, no questions asked. The relief caused a sob to rip from Stiles throat as he hung up the call. 

Derek was on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, my laptop has decided to screw up on me so I am having to use my phone. Ugh, anyway. Hope you like it!


	13. Always call

Stiles sat on the couch his head in his hands. He'd managed to make it up to his apartment from his jeep. He fought to ignore the visions that kept appearing in his room. Allison, Aiden, the nogitsune, he refused to acknowledge them.

A knock at his door caused Stiles to jump.

"Stiles?" Derek's voice called out in concern.

Stiles practically leapt towards the door.He opened it with a sigh of relief at the alpha standing on the other side. He grabbed Derek's arm and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them.

"Are you okay? You sounded-"

Before Derek could finish, Stiles threw himself into Derek. 

Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles, holding him close. He closed his eyes, letting his wolf enjoy the closeness.

"Thank you," Stiles sobbed, unable to hold it back. The relief of Derek being there was too much.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm right here," Derek ran a hand gently through Stiles' hair.

"Please stay," Stiles begged. He knew it was pathetic to beg, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Of course," Derek agreed with a relieved sigh. He'd been on edge all day thinking that Stiles would reject him.

"Did something happen?" Derek asked cautiously, he wondered what made Stiles call him so urgently.

"I saw him," Stiles answered, not pulling away from Derek.

"Saw who?" Derek frowned in confusion. He thought Allison was the only one Stiles was seeing.

"He kept saying we, I hated when he did that," Stiles cried, gripping Derek harder.

Derek's jaw clenched as he realized who Stiles was talking about.

"I haven't seen him in years, I don't understand."

Derek pulled back slightly so he could look Stiles in the eyes.

"Hey, listen to me, he's gone. It's just you in there," Derek tapped gently on Stiles' temple.

Stiles nodded. It was nice to hear that from someone other than his own subconscious, whom he couldn't trust half the time.

"How much does Jeremy know?" Derek asked then curiously.

"Not much. He knows I went through a really hard time and lost a lot of people in a tragic accident. He thinks that's why I became an FBI agent, to prevent something like that in the future. He knows I blame myself but..." Stiles trailed off. It had been difficult to explain to Jeremy without telling him too much.

"So he doesn't know about the possession or what I am?" Derek pressed, gently.

Stiles shook his head, "He doesn't know anything like that."

Derek nodded. He'd been curious about Jeremy being able to bring Stiles back from a panic attack if he didn't know about the supernatural.

"He thinks you being here will be good for me," Stiles looked up, his eyes meeting Derek's once again.

"I hope so," Derek nodded in agreement, "What do you normally do to help when it gets bad?" Derek asked urging Stiles to sit down.

"I'll go to the bar," Stiles shrugged.

"Oh," Derek recalled the night he caught Stiles' leaving his apartments from being with Emily.

"That's not why I called you," Stiles spoke quickly, his eyes wide.

"No, I know," Derek nodded, though he wouldn't have complained if he had.

"What can I do?" Derek ran a gentle hand along Stiles' cheek.

"I'm...I'm afraid to be alone. Last time I was seeing him...I ended up in the hospital," Stiles bit down on his lower lip as if ashamed to be admitting it.

Derek's jaw clenched slightly. Knowing Stiles had been alone and hurt made his wolf uneasy.

"Please, promise me you'll always call," Derek begged then, forcing Stiles' chin up so he could look the human in the eyes.

Stiles only nodded slightly.

"You want me to stay here tonight?" Derek asked unsure of what Stiles was asking of him.

"I uh...I don't have a spare room and I hate to put you on the couch," Stiles licked at his bottom lip nervously.

Derek's heart picked up speed. Was Stiles suggesting what he thought he was?

"My bed's plenty big enough if...I mean you don't have to, I just..." Stiles ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

Derek could smell the panic growing.

"Hey, I'm okay with it. If it'll help, I'll stay as long as you want," Derek grabbed Stiles' hands in his.

"Thank you," Stiles deflated with relief as Derek's willingness.

"Of course," Derek had missed being able to comfort Stiles like this. It had been years since he'd let himself be so open with someone and he'd missed it terribly.

"I think my boss is getting suspicious, I have to get myself back together," Stiles' eyes were fixed on his hands inside Derek's.

"Suspicious?" Derek cocked his head slightly.

"I had an episode a few years back in October. He found out that I had lost some close people to me and ever since he's kept a close watch on me especially around this time of year. He asked if I was fit to be in the field right now and he questioned Jeremy," Stiles explained not looking away from their hands.

"Are you?" Derek had worried how the stress of Stiles' job effected his mental state, but hadn't felt it was his place to ask.

"Yes, that's the one place I'm okay. My head is clear and I can focus. This week off has nearly killed me. And now we're on light duty at work so I'm not able to distract myself properly. That blonde is the only distraction I've had in a while and it's showing. My boss wants me to take more time off and even though I insisted that's a bad idea he thinks I need a release that isn't work. The only other release is the numbing of alcohol and occasional lay on the weekends," Stiles rattled off quickly.

Derek's jaw clenched once again at the mention of Stiles sleeping around.

"Have you and Jeremy ever..." Derek trailed off.

"No, no, he's straight and besides he's my partner, I wouldn't do that. I keep work and pleasure very separate," Stiles shook his head.

"You've never been with anyone you work with?" Derek didn't know why he was asking, it would only serve to hurt him more.

"No, there's one guy that's shown interest, but like I said, I keep it professional," Stiles recalled the one time Winchester had invited him to get a drink after work one day. Stiles would normally have jumped all over someone who looked like him, but he had kindly declined.

"So you keep that kind of relationship reserved for strangers only?" Derek knew the chances of getting Stiles to sleep with him instead of literally anyone else was slim, but he held out hope.

"Look, I know it's not a good thing, I didn't say I was proud of it," Stiles snapped pulling away from Derek as he stood.

"No, that's not what I was...I was just going to suggest that you find...one person and just be clear what it is your after," Derek knew he needed to shut up.

"Like a friend with benefits?" Stiles raised a brow at Stiles.

Derek merely shrugged.

"I've seen enough movies to know how that ends. I can't afford to fall for someone romantically. It's safer if I can't remember their name," Stiles waved a hand wildly.

"So why didn't you find someone for tonight?" Derek asked, his tone calm so as to not sound accusing.

"Cause, I'd rather not sleep around. So If I can call you instead, then..." Stiles trailed off his teeth burying into his bottom lip.

Derek's wolf practically preened at the idea that Stiles would rather call him than sleep with some random person he picked up at the bar.

"You can always call me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! Sorry it took so long. For those who don't know I was very very sick, like hospitalized sick. But I'm better now. Thank you to all who sent sweet messages. It really meant a lot! And thank you for your patience!!


	14. I'm right here

Derek listened to the steady thrum of Stiles heartbeat as he lay next to the human. Stiles had fallen asleep shortly after telling Derek about the bank heist that got him the week off. It wasn't as exciting as the bartender had made it out to be when she mentioned it to Derek, of course it could have been Stiles down playing it. He had a habit of doing that when he was doing something good. He never gave himself enough credit.

Derek's eyes opened at the sound of Stiles' heartrate picking up. It continued to quicken. Derek could smell the stress as Stiles gripped at the sheets harshly. He sat up checking to see if Stiles was awake. The human's eyes were clenched shut with a crease set between his eyebrows.

The smell of salt hit Derek's nose as Stiles started to sweat.

"Stiles," Derek touched Stiles' arm gently, trying to wake him.

He didn't move.

"Stiles," Derek shook his slightly harder.

"Hmm?" Stiles hummed, though his eyes didn't open.

"It's just a nightmare, I'm here," Derek spoke gently, running his hand gently along Stiles' arm.

The crease smoothed out and his heartrate slowed slightly.

Derek settled back into the bed, keeping his hand on the human next to him.

Three hours later Derek was awoken by Stiles crying out his name. Derek jerked up in the bed, reaching for the human instinctively.

"Stiles."

"Derek, please, please, no," Stiles cried. Sweat was dripping down his temple, his hair already soaked in it. He was gripping the bed so tightly his hands were shaking.

"Stiles," Derek carefully grabbed Stiles' arm.

This caused the human to bolt up in bed, Derek's name falling from his lips in a desperate plea.

"Hey, I'm right here," Derek reached out, placing a comforting hand on Stiles' back.

Stiles collapsed into Derek's chest with a sob that resembled his name.

"I'm right here. I've got you," Derek held Stiles against him, letting the human cry it out.

When Stiles stopped shaking and his crying had mostly diminished into sniffles, Derek leaned down to speak.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was you," Stiles answered, his tone a broken whisper, "He took you from me."

Derek clenched his eyes shut, hearing the vulnerability in Stiles' voice and the word choice he used, it hurt him.

"I'm right here, I promise, I'm not going anywhere. No one is going to take me from you," Derek caressed Stiles' damp hair as he spoke.

"Thank you for being here," Stiles said after a moment.

"Of course." Derek was just glad Stiles was letting him be there.

"Can I get you anything?" Derek offered.

Stiles shook his head, "Please don't leave."

Derek held Stiles tighter before pulling the younger man down, laying them both in the middle of the bed.

Stiles didn't pull away, instead he let Derek hold him until he fell asleep again.

-

The next morning when Stiles woke, he was still wrapped in Derek's arms, his head buried in the alpha's chest.

"Morning," Derek spoke when Stiles pulled back slightly.

"You're already awake," Stiles noted. Derek hadn't gotten up.

"I didn't want you to wake up alone," Derek said as he watched Stiles sat up.

It was in that moment Stiles realized that he hadn't had another nightmare, at least not that he could remember.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked with Stiles didn't respond.

"It only happened once," Stiles looked down at the alpha.

"What?" Derek sat up then, a confused frown on his face.

"I had only remember one nightmare," Stiles couldn't remember the last time his night wasn't riddled with nightmare after nightmare.

"I'm guessing that doesn't happen often?" Derek asked trying to hide the pleased smiled tugging at his lips. He loved that he made Stiles' night easier.

Stiles shook his head before glancing at the clock, "I would offer to make you breakfast as a thank you, but I have to get ready for work."

Derek watched as Stiles peeled off his shirt and headed for his bathroom. He let out a heavy sigh. He'd imagined waking up next to Stiles like this, granted he'd prefer if it were under better circumstances, but it was just as satisfying as he thought it would be. Lying with a sleeping Stiles in his arms as the sun streamed through the window. Watching Stiles get ready for work as he stayed in the bed, wrapped in Stiles' scent.

Derek took in a deep breathe, allowing Stiles' scent to relax him. He'd been able to help keep the nightmares at bay. That fact elated him. 

Stiles let the hot water wash off the stale sweat feeling left over from the night before. The memory of Derek holding him as he cried was still fresh in his mind. The tears had been mostly relief that someone was there and not just anyone but Derek. He hadn't dreamt of Stiles' demise in years. Those nightmares had always been the hardest. Watching the person you love most be taken from you, then waking alone, not knowing if they were okay or if you'd ever see them again. And Derek had laid awake in bed holding Stiles until he woke just so he didn't wake up alone. A familiar warmth spread through his chest. He was falling in love with Derek again.

Stiles dropped his head in shame even though there was no one to judge him. He'd sworn to never feel for someone the way he felt for Derek and now here he was feeling that way for Derek, again. It would only prove to hurt him, Derek would never return his feelings. Besides, Stiles was far too broken, he would only make Derek miserable. 

Stiles let out a heavy sigh. He didn't know what to do about it. If he pulled away from Derek now, he might spiral, and he couldn't afford that, not with the captain keeping such a close watch on him. He would just have to learn how to live with his unrequited feelings like he had so many years before. It would just be harder when the man he loved was half naked in his bed, holding him while he slept. 


	15. Eval

"Stilinski," Captain Hurley's voice called into the training room. Stiles and Jeremy had finished their last session for the day.

"Yes sir?" Stiles had just changed out of his gym uniform.

"Meet me at doctor Avery's office in one hour," Hurley walked out before giving Stiles a chance to respond.

Fear washed over him as he watched the door close behind his captain.

Jeremy's hand suddenly landed on Stiles' shoulder, "Hey, it's probably nothing."

Stiles knew Jeremy was just trying to be supportive but the only time anyone ever saw doctor Avery was for a psych eval.

"Do you think I'll pass?" Stiles asked suddenly worried.

"If that's even what this is, yes," Jeremy nodded.

Stiles closed his locker door with a heavy sigh, "I can't afford to fail. I know I'm out of sorts right now, but I'm fine to work. And I need this job," Stiles couldn't imagine not being in the FBI. This job was his whole life and it was the only thing keeping him together.

"Don't stress it, you'll be fine," Jeremy assured Stiles. It only sort of helped Stiles' nerves.

-

Derek was surprised to see Stiles' number flashing on his phone. He'd just gotten home from a run. He didn't expect to hear from Stiles til late, if at all.

"Hello?" Derek answered, hoping something wasn't wrong.

"Derek," Stiles' tone sounded uncertain.

"Stiles, I didn't expect to hear from you. Aren't you still at work?" Derek asked, wishing he could smell Stiles' emotions through the phone.

"Just leaving actually. I'm on my way to meet my captain. I...I think he's putting me through another psych eval," Stiles' tone sounded stressed.

"Why?" Derek frowned. Sure Stiles was a little unstable, but from the way Stiles talked, work was the one place he was most stable.

"I don't know, but I can't...I can't lose this job. I need this. It's my whole life."

Derek heard the tears in Stiles' voice.

"Hey, listen to me. You aren't gonna lose your job, you know why? Because you are your best self at this job. Nothing can change the person you are at your core. You help people. You always have. You may have nightmares and hear Allison's voice telling you you aren't good enough, but you got into this program when you were at your lowest. You did that. Not Jeremy. Not anyone else. You. You'll pass this eval, I know you will," Derek spoke confidently. He couldn't risk Stiles thinking Derek doubted him. He didn't. If there was anyone Derek never doubted, it was Stiles.

"Thank you, Derek, for being here. I'm sorry I'm such a mess," Stiles' tone was quiet but sincere.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Stiles. I'll always be here for you."

The line was silent, and Derek feared he'd made Stiles uncomfortable.

"Meet me at my house at seven thirty?" Stiles finally spoke.

"Of course," Derek's heart leapt. Stiles was slowly letting Derek in more and it elated the alpha. 

-

Stiles stepped into the large office to see Captain Hurley and doctor Avery already inside.

"Stiles, please, come in," Doctor Avery smiled warmly as she gestured to the chair next to the captain.

"What's this about?" Stiles asked taking his seat. He glanced between the pair curiously.

"Captain Hurley has expressed some concern for you over the past week. We just want to make sure you're in a good headspace," Doctor Avery explained gently.

Stiles wasn't one for therapists or psychiatrists. Mostly because the last one he'd trusted ended up being the emissary of the pack trying to kill Stiles and his friends. However, he liked doctor Avery. She seemed to understand trauma and how it could affect a person negatively and positively.

"You're putting me through an eval?" Stiles turned to the captain with a betrayed look, though he'd been expecting it.

"I'm concerned for you, Stiles. You're one of our best. You're smart and logical and you think fast of your feet. We need people like you in the field, but I've seen what this job does to people like you. It absorbs you and controls your life. That week off on leave was proof positive that you're too consumed in this," The captain explained.

"I don't see how that's a problem. I'm doing my job thoroughly, that's what we're trained to do," Stiles practically snapped.

"While that's true, if you become too obsessed you can lose yourself in it and then you're no good to me. I need you clear and sharp," Hurley countered.

"I am clear and sharp," Stiles argued. He didn't know where the captain was going with this, but it couldn't be anywhere good.

"Is that what you call this?" The captain pulled out Stiles' shooting target from the day before.

Stiles swallowed hard, his shoulder's stiffening.

"I was having an off day," Stiles spoke between clenched teeth. He'd been careless in leaving it up.

"Johnson said you had some personal things going on. You don't talk about family much, but I know you haven't been home since last thanksgiving."

"I had an assignment over Christmas," Stiles spoke defensively.

"You had a week off and you chose to stay in town. Gilbert went all the way home to Virginia, you're from California that's just a hop down south," The captain pointed out.

Stiles' jaw tightened, "No offense sir, but when I see my family is my business."

That was the wrong thing to say.

"It's my business when you can't even land a shot on a stationary target not fifteen feet in front of you," Hurley shouted slamming the target on doctor Avery's desk.

"Okay, perhaps we should approach this from another angle," Doctor Avery stepped in then.

Stiles didn't look away from the man beside him.

"So are you benching me because I had an off day at the range or because I don't visit my dad enough?" Stiles demanded. He was getting pissed. He felt guilty enough not seeing his dad, but it wasn't easy to be around him, not when he was such a disaster.

"Stiles," Doctor Avery spoke again. 

This time Stiles met her gaze. 

"I think captain Hurley is concerned that you're relying on work too much and that it's an unhealthy coping mechanism. We've discussed it a little and we think that some time off would do you good."

"Time off? I just had a week off," Stiles snapped. He didn't want any more time off.

"I want you to go home for a week," Hurley chimed in then.

Stiles' hands clenched, "You can't just demand that I go home for a week. That's my decision."

"You're right," Hurley nodded, "It's your decision. So if you want to keep this job, you're going home for a few days. When you get back if you can't prove to me in the shooting range that you've got your shit together, I have to let you go."

Panic washed over Stiles then. He was in no place to visit his dad. 

"I'll prove it now. We can go to the range and-"

"This isn't up for debate, Stilinski," Hurley snapped cutting Stiles off mid-sentence.

"Look at you, you can't even hold down a job. You're too broken. Why do you even bother?" Allison was suddenly next to doctor Avery.

Stiles dropped his eyes to his hands which were shaking in his lap.

"Captain, I'll take it from here," Doctor Avery gestured to her door.

"I'll see you in a week, son. Please, don't make me let you go," with that captain Hurley left the room.

"Stiles," doctor Avery spoke gently, "Would you like to talk about why you don't want to go home?"

Stiles looked at the doe eyed brunette. Her dark brown eyes were kind and her posture said she was sincere.

He opened his mouth to say something. He'd seen her a few times over the years, but nothing consistent. She had been the one to do his eval before he got hired on. She knew basics of his past. Some trauma and the loss of his mother, but nothing close to the full extent of it. However, she and Jeremy were the only ones he could talk to at all. He tried not to rely to heavily on Jeremy, it wasn't fair to unload everything on his partner like that. It was times like this Stiles wished he had someone who would understand. Someone who knew everything. Someone like...

"No," Stiles answered standing, "I have someone I can talk to. Someone who will understand."


	16. Home

Stiles walked out of the elevator to see Derek leaning against the wall just outside his door.

"Hey," Stiles relaxed his shoulders slightly at the sight of the werewolf.

"Hey," Derek's smile was warm, but Stiles could see the concern in his eyes. He was sure Derek had already smelled the stress on him.

"You got a hair cut," Derek noted the familiar short hair on the human. 

"I was overdo," Stiles shrugged. He'd stopped in to a nearby place on his way home since his meeting with his captain didn't take as long. He couldn't show up to his dad's looking like the mess he was.

Derek nodded before holding up a grocery bag, "I brought sushi,"

Stiles grinned, "Now what if I didn't like sushi?" Stiles teased as he opened the door to his apartment.

"Then I would question why you had a menu to this very restaurant on your fridge," Derek gestured to the bag.

Sure enough it was the small sushi joint Stiles and Jeremy would go to sometimes.

Derek followed Stiles inside. He set the bag on the small table and debated on whether he should ask Stiles how it went or if he should let Stiles bring it up.

"It wasn't an eval," Stiles said knowing what Derek was wondering.

"That's good right?" Derek didn't know why Stiles wasn't in a better mood if that were the case.

"I think I'd have preferred it," Stiles sighed taking a seat at the table.

Derek sat down too despite wanting to pull Stiles into a hug.

"My captain has ordered another week off work. He thinks I'm too dependent on my job," Stiles explained vaguely.

"And you're worried because work is your outlet," Derek guessed.

"Yeah, a bit," Stiles nodded as he opened one of the sushi trays.

Derek didn't know what to say. He wanted to offer encouraging words, but he knew how important Stiles' job was to him.

"The psychiatrist they use wanted me to talk but I can't be honest with her ya know?" Stiles gauged Derek's reaction.

"So what did you say to her?" Derek could smell Stiles' nerves heighten slightly.

"I told her I had someone I could talk to," Stiles dropped his eyes to the shrimp roll in front of him, "Someone who would understand."

Derek's heart leapt. Was Stiles referring to him? 

"You're the only one who really knows what happened," Stiles continued not looking up. His hand holding the chopsticks tightly.

Derek reached across, draping his hand gently around Stiles', "You can always talk to me." 

Stiles' eyes met Derek's. There was a sincerity to them that melted Stiles. 

"They're making me go home," Stiles said not looking away from Derek.

"Making you?" Derek raised a brow.

"Either that or I lose my job," Stiles nodded.

Derek removed his hand from Stiles'. His jaw clenched tightly, "They can't do that to you."

"They can. I'm clinically unstable. I hide it well enough, but I slipped up and left a target I'd practiced on yesterday. I unloaded a whole clip and didn't even hit my mark once," Stiles dropped his head in shame.

"I thought you said you were okay?" Derek frowned worriedly.

"It was right after our coffee date. I was upset about the panic attack and I went to the range. The captain saw it."

Derek nodded understandingly.

"Derek, I can't pretend I'm okay in front of them. It's hard enough visiting on holidays," Stiles looked on the verge of tears.

"When was the last time you went home?" Derek asked gently.

"Last thanksgiving. I had a case over Christmas that kept me here," Stiles answered in shame. 

"What if...What if I went with you?" Derek offered. He wasn't sure if Stiles would be okay with that, but he wanted to help.

"You would do that?" Stiles asked looking up with hopeful eyes.

"If it will help and not make things worse, of course," Derek nodded.

A smile tugged at Stiles' lips, "I think it'd help a lot."

"When do we leave?" Derek asked with a small smile of his own. Stiles accepting Derek's offer was a huge relief to Derek. That meant Stiles was starting to trust him again.

"Tomorrow?" Stiles asked around a mouthful.

"I'll pack a bag tonight," Derek agreed easily. He hadn't been back to Beacon Hills since he left it would be odd to see everyone again, but he was kind of looking forward to it.

"I was hoping you'd stay again tonight. I just know with the added stress it'll be a rough one," Stiles spoke timidly, poking a roll with one of his chopsticks.

"Why don't you pack a bag and come stay with me tonight. Maybe a change of scenery will help, and we can leave straight from my place in the morning," Derek suggested. He didn't want to make Stiles uncomfortable, but it would be the easiest thing to do.

"Okay," Stiles agreed, "I guess I'll call my dad and let him know I'm coming down."

After dinner Stiles packed a bag while Derek cleaned up the table. It was so comfortably domestic that Derek found himself happier than he'd been in a long time. He'd moved around a lot over the past few years, never able to settle in and make one place home. But here with Stiles, Stiles was home. He looked up from wiping off the table when he heard Stiles' voice.

"Hey, dad, I know it's kinda late to be calling, I just...I wanted to see if you were up for some company for a few days. I got some time off of work and it's been a while."

Derek heard the nerves in Stiles' voice and saw the way his hand shook as it held the phone to his ear.

"That sounds great, would you...would you be up for one more house guest? I'm...bringing a friend," Stiles eyes met Derek's.

Derek's heart raced a bit, would Stiles want him to stay in his room with him? He assumed he'd stay with Peter or Malia while in town, but Stiles was making plans for Derek to stay at his dad's house with him. He didn't know why but that made him more nervous. He liked the sheriff just fine and it wasn't like he was dating Stiles.

"Okay, I love you too," Stiles hung up the phone.

"You didn't tell him it was me you're bringing?" Derek asked with a smirk. 

"I didn't know how to explain that. I figured I've got a few hours in the car tomorrow to come up with a plausible reason why I'm bringing Derek Hale home of all people," Stiles chuckled lightly. 

"He probably thinks you're bringing Jeremy," Derek grinned.

"He thinks I'm dating someone actually. He's very excited to meet you," Stiles laughed.

Derek gave a small laugh of his own. He liked seeing Stiles like this. It reminded him of the Stiles he knew so many years ago. He hadn't heard Stiles laugh since being here now that he thought about it.

"Maybe I can claim you're in protective custody and I'm looking after you," Stiles shrugged.

"You think he'll buy it?" Derek asked with a raised brow.

"He's more likely to buy that than the fact that I'm dating you," Stiles chuckled again.

Derek frowned slightly. He didn't like what that was insinuating.

"I disagree," Derek shrugged, "But whatever you want to tell him is fine with me."

"I dunno, I'll sleep on it," Stiles grabbed his bag from the couch then, "Ready?"

Derek nodded. He would always be ready for anything that involved Stiles.


	17. Important

Stiles laid next to Derek, wide awake. He was so overly aware of his surroundings he couldn't sleep. Derek was awake as well as far as Stiles could tell. The pair were laying awkwardly next to each other. It had been more natural the night before. Perhaps it was because of Stiles' state of mind. 

"You're just hyper aware of how much you want him to be touching you," Allison taunted from the end of the bed.

Stiles closed his eyes willing her away. 

"He just doesn't see you like that. If anything, he only sees you as the annoying little brother he feels bad for."

Stiles held his breath as the brunette continued to taunt him about his feelings for the alpha.

"Stiles?" Derek's tone was concerned. He'd noticed Stiles' breathing pick up.

Stiles opened his eyes to see the brunette was gone.

A gentle touch on his arm cause him to jump.

"Sorry," Derek released him instantly.

"No, it's okay," Stiles wanted to kick himself.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright," Derek debated on putting his hand back on the human but opted not to.

"I don't understand why she won't leave me alone," Stiles sighed out in frustration.

"What...what does she say?"

"It depends. It usually pertains to my situation at the time," Stiles answered honestly. He knew he could tell Derek the truth and he would understand.

"Is she saying anything right now?" 

"Not since we started talking," Stiles shook his head. It was dark but he knew Derek could see him.

"What was she saying?" Derek asked gently, like he was afraid asking that might upset Stiles.

"Just how you were only here because you saw me as this annoying little brother figure you felt bad for," Stiles left off the part about his feelings for the alpha.

Derek sat up then and clicked on his side table lamp. His expression was serious.

Stiles sat up as well, unsure of what was coming.

"Stiles, listen to me. I swear to you that you mean more to me than anyone on this entire earth. You are absolutely one of the most important people I've ever met. I'm thankful to even be apart of your life again. I don't ever want you to think I see you as anything less than what you are. You are my pack mate and my best friend. Being here with you is all I want," Derek's hand reached out to touch Stiles' cheek gently.

"Why?" Stiles found himself asking as he leaned into Derek's touch.

"Why what?" Derek asked with a frown.

"If I'm so important, why'd you leave?" Stiles' tone was quiet.

"To be honest..." Derek sighed, pulling his hand away, "I was afraid."

It was Stiles' turn to frown.

"I almost lost you and it really did a number on me. I realized during that time that...you had become my anchor," Derek spoke quietly, his eyes locked on his hands that here clasped together in his lap, "I panicked. The last time I let someone too close..." Derek trailed off.

Stiles felt the air in his chest compress in his lungs, making it hard to breathe. He'd been Derek's anchor?

"I thought distancing myself from you would work but I couldn't so long as you were around. When I was sure you were safe, I left. I was miserable for a long time, but I told myself it was for the best. That night when I saw you..." Derek trailed off again.

Stiles put a hand on Derek's cautiously, causing the alpha to look up.

"I didn't think you'd miss me the way I did you. If I'd known, I'd never have left. You have to believe that," Derek's tone was almost pleading.

"I do," Stiles nodded, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Thank you for trusting me to be here for you. I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere, but here with you, I'm home," Derek hadn't meant to say that, it just kind of slipped out.

Stiles reached over, wrapping his arms around Derek.

The alpha buried his nose in Stiles' neck as he held the human close.

"We should get some sleep," Stiles said then, pulling back. Speaking of home reminded him that he would be going home tomorrow, and he wanted to look as well rested as possible.

The two laid back down. After a few moments of silence between the pair, Derek spoke up.

"Can I hold you?" his voice was a whisper.

"Please," Stiles whispered back. 

The human closed his eyes at the feel of Derek's strong arm wrap around him, his chest pressing against his back. This is where he felt safest. Like nothing and no one could get to him while he was in Derek's arms.

Derek breathed in Stiles' scent as he held him close. It was clear they both needed this. He just dreaded the day Stiles wouldn't need him anymore.

Stiles slept soundly in Derek's arms that night. And for the first time in a long time, the nightmares stayed away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny little update for ya!


	18. One moment at a time

The sign to Beacon Hills came too soon for Stiles' liking. He was barely able to sit still in the passenger's side of Derek's Camaro. The eight-hour ride was basically torture for him. 

"Hey, remember what we talked about," Derek looked over at the fidgeting human. 

"One moment at a time," Stiles nodded, repeating the mantra Derek had told him early on in the trip."

"Exactly. It's already six p.m. More than likely, nothing exciting is going to happen tonight, okay?" Derek couldn't be sure of that, it was Beacon Hills after all, but Stiles seemed to calm a bit.

Derek pulled onto Stiles' old road and heard the human's heart start to race even more.

"Stiles, it's okay. You're okay," Derek reached out taking Stiles' hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Stiles nodded, his wide eyes not looking away from the road.

Derek released Stiles' hand and parked the car.

Within minutes the Sheriff was stepping out of his house with a large smile on his face.

Derek hesitated to get out of the car, wanting Stiles to be the first one the sheriff saw.

The door was heavy under Stiles' touch, as he pushed it open. 

Noah pulled Stiles into a tight hug, "Hey, son."

"Hey, dad," Stiles smiled as he hugged back. Guilt swept over him as he recalled the last time he'd hugged his dad. 

Noah pulled away to see Derek now standing next to the car holding two bags.

"Derek?" the sheriff frowned glancing from the werewolf to Stiles.

"Uh, yeah, I couldn't really say this over the phone, but Derek's in protective custody and you know how he is with trusting people. He heard my name being thrown around the office and insisted he be under my watch. I happened to get a week off because of it," Stiles explained gesturing towards Derek with a wide grin.

"Well, I don't know what you did or didn't do to get put in protective custody, but it got my son here so thanks," Noah held out a welcoming hand to Derek, which he took.

Stiles seemed to deflate with relief. His dad actually believed his lie.

"Well come on in, I'm sure you're both tired from the ride," Noah gestured the pair inside.

Stiles swallowed thickly as he stepped inside the familiar house. It looked the same as it had since he was eight. The same pictures on the walls, the same couch in the living room. Only the tv was new and that was only because Stiles bought his dad a new one for his birthday a few years back. 

"I'm so glad you're here," Noah was smiling at Stiles with a smile that made the guilt cut deeper. He was so concerned with hurting his dad by letting him see how much of a mess he was, he never thought to consider how much distancing himself hurt the man.

"I'm sorry it's been so long. Work has been crazy and-"

"I know. You don't have to explain. I'm not trying to guilt trip you, it's just good to see you. And you look good," Noah gestured to Stiles' clothes. He was in a newer pair of jeans and one of the shirts his dad sent him for Christmas. He'd done his best to look as awake and happy as possible.

"You really think you're fooling him? Where do you think you got your detective like mind from? He sees right through you," Allison rolled her eyes from behind his dad.

Stiles forced a smile on, ignoring the brunette, "What can I say city life is treating me right," he joked lightly.

Noah laughed, turning to the kitchen, "I ordered a pizza when you text me that you were in town. It should be here soon."

"Pizza? You're the best," Stiles kept the smile on his face. The best thing was to act like he was his old high school self, before the possession.

Derek could smell the stress on Stiles. He did a good job of hiding it, he only wondered how long he could pull it off before breaking. That had been Stiles' biggest concern. That and Scott. Scott was a werewolf too which meant he would also be able to hear Stiles' lying and smell his emotions. 

They had practiced Stiles' lying without giving it away. He had done well enough that he was sure Scott would buy into it. However, masking his scent without being obvious would be harder.

"Derek, you can take the bags upstairs if you like. You know where Stiles' room is. The guest bedroom is on the left," Noah spoke over his shoulder as he pulled out dishes for dinner.

Stiles watched Derek take their bags up the stairs anxiously. He didn't know if he would be able to do this for longer than a day. Lying to his dad was never easy but now he had a story about Derek on top of it all, plus he had to keep up appearances. It was going be a stressful few days.

-

Once the pizza had arrived and Stiles was sitting at a table with Derek and his dad, he realized how comfortable it was. He'd expected Derek's presence to make things awkward. 

"So I don't suppose I can know any of the details about what got you into protective custody huh?" The sheriff asked around a bite of pepperoni. 

"The less you know, the safer you are," Stiles lied, his eyes darting towards the alpha.

"Alright, fair enough," Noah nodded, "Can I ask why you chose Stiles?" 

The question was directed at Derek who paused with his hand around his glass of water.

He looked at Stiles who was looking at him. His bright brown eyes wide with concern.

"I wouldn't trust anyone else with my life," Derek answered simply, hoping the sheriff wouldn't notice the fondness in his tone that had seeped through.

"I was under the impression you didn't trust Stiles. Or even like him," Noah frowned glancing between the pair across from him.

Stiles cleared his throat, clearly about to change the subject but Derek interrupted him.

"That's not true at all. Stiles is like family to me. He's a pack member no matter how far a distance between us. I absolutely trust him and while he knows how to push my buttons and drive me crazy, I like him just fine," Derek smiled warmly as he glanced at the human next to him.

Stiles' heart leapt at Derek's words. He only hoped the alpha didn't notice. 

"I'm glad to hear it. It's nice to know he's got a friend like you," Noah gave Derek's shoulder an affectionate squeeze, "Though I am disappointed that you didn't bring home a boyfriend or girlfriend." His eyes now landed on Stiles.

Stiles forced a smile on his face and rolled his eyes, "I don't have time for one, my work keeps me busy."

The sheriff nodded, "Is that code for Derek keeps you busy?" 

There was a teasing glint in his father's eyes as he looked at Stiles.

"No, dad. It's not like that," Stiles scoffed with another roll of his eyes. 

"Maybe not yet, but how long is he under your protection?" Noah smirked at Stiles.

Derek remained quiet, not wanting to give anything away about his feelings for Stiles.

"It's undetermined," Stiles said through grit teeth. He was careful to avoid Derek's eyes.

"Alright, all I'm saying is a lot can happen when you have to spend so much time together," Noah put his hands up in mock surrender.

"What about you dad, you dating?" Stiles asked, turning to conversation around.

"I've been on a few dates," Noah shrugged with a smug smile.

"With who?" Stiles frowned. His dad hadn't mentioned anything on any of the phone calls between them.

"You'll find out tomorrow," Noah stood then, "I think I'm gonna retire for the night, I worked a twenty-four hour shift about six hours ago. I'll see you two in the morning."

"Okay, goodnight, dad," Stiles smiled up at the man that had raised him. He looked the same as he had back in high school, only maybe a few more laugh lines and crinkles near his eyes.

"It's good to have you home," Noah placed a kiss to the top of Stiles' head before heading to his room.

Once his dad was gone, Stiles let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping forward. Pretending he wasn't exhausted and craving a glass of whiskey was harder than he remembered.

Derek's hand reached out, touching Stiles' arm gently, "Hey, we got through dinner."

Stiles relaxed slightly at the alpha's touch, giving a small nod, "One moment at a time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't get this chapter quite right, so sorry it's shit. Next one will be better.


	19. Above water

Stiles sat in the dark of his room trying to ignore the brunette in the corner. Flashes of his possession clouded his memory no matter how hard he tried to block them out. Sleeping in his old room was always difficult. It was full of memories both good and bad, but the traumas always seemed to be at the forefront of his mind.

He rocked back and forth, his knees pulled to his chest, eyes clenched shut, hands gripping at the shorter strand of his hair. Allison's voice was in his ear like she was sitting next to him. 

"Stiles?" Derek's voice cut through the sound, but he ignored it. He wouldn't let Derek taunt him as well. Not again. Derek was alive and well, he could push away the images of him, but Allison, he never could.

"Stiles," Derek's voice was louder now. 

A hand touched his arm causing him to jolt back. His eyes flew open, wild and afraid.

"Hey, it's just me," Derek held his hands up, concern etched on his face.

Stiles sighed in relief before gripping the alpha in a tight hug. He forgot Derek was there with him.

"Hey, are you okay?" Derek had smelled Stiles' stress from the next room over.

"It's always so much harder when I'm here," Stiles shook his head, not releasing Derek.

"Is she here?" Derek asked, rubbing gentle circles along his back.

Stiles eyes cut to the corner of his room where the familiar brunette sat in the chair. He only nodded.

"She's not real, remember that," Derek reminded him.

"I feel the guilt more when I'm here," Stiles admitted quietly, dragging his eyes away from his once friend.

"What is she saying?" Derek asked cautiously. The last thing he wanted to do was push Stiles and cause a panic attack.

"That I was weak. I couldn't close the door so it's my fault. I...I let him in..." Stiles' voice cracked at the familiar words, "She and Scott managed to close the door, but I wasn't strong enough. And he chose me because we're so alike. My mind is chaos. Chaos attracts chaos."

Derek frowned as he pulled away from the human, "Listen to me. That's not true. You are the furthest thing from weak. You know why it chose you? Because you are strong and smart. It needed someone that could withstand what he had planned. Allison couldn't have done that. And Scott isn't nearly smart enough to have pulled it off. It didn't even consider how smart you truly were. You were the one who figured out you were possessed. You were the one who left us clues and bread crumbs to follow. He was inside of your mind and you still tricked him. You out smarted the fox, Stiles. There aren't many people who could do that. And in the end, you helped us beat him. You foiled his plan and played the divine move. That's not weakness, Stiles. Do you know how much worse things could have been if it had choses someone else? Like Scott? There could have been so much more damage, but you kept him at bay. You saved more people than you hurt," Derek's hand was cupping Stiles' face as he spoke.

"But I didn't want to hurt anyone," Stiles sniffled as a tear fell from his tired eyes.

"You didn't do it. It wasn't really you," Derek wiped at the falling tear with his thumb.

"But it felt like me. Even when we were separated, it felt like me," Stiles closed his eyes, willing the rest of his tears to stay at bay. 

Derek pulled Stiles back into another hug.

"I can't do this, Derek. I can't face everyone. I can't stay here," Stiles' breathing picked up and he started to tremble in Derek's arms.

"Yes, you can, Stiles. I'll be right here with you."

Stiles shook his head. He gripped Derek tighter.

"Stiles, calm down, okay? Ground yourself," Derek urged gently.

"I can't- I can't do this," Stiles' started to hyperventilate. 

"Tell me what you hear. Listen and tell me what you hear," Derek stroked Stiles' hair as he spoke.

"I-I hear...crickets," Stiles answered between gasps.

"Good, now tell me what you smell."

Stiles inhaled, "Your cologne." 

"Good. Okay, is it a good smell? Do you like it?" Derek continued.

"Yes," Stiles nodded. His breathing slowing slightly.

"Okay, now tell me what you see."

"One of my Mets posters," Stiles answered, his eyes falling to the paper tacked to his wall.

"What player is it?"

"Zach wheeler. He's the pitcher."

"Good, very good."

Stiles stopped shaking as bad and his breathing was almost back to normal.

"Now concentrate on something you feel." 

"You," Stiles spoke quietly.

"Yeah, I'm right here. I've got you. And I'll be here with you the entire time, okay? I promise," Derek buried his face into Stiles' shoulder more. Being there for Stiles meant so much to him. It was like a drug for his wolf. He never felt more relaxed than he did holding Stiles.

"Thank you, Derek, for being here," Stiles whispered, "She says you do it out of pity, but I can't bring myself to care. I'm just glad you're here."

Derek pulled back, his eyes meeting Stiles' watery ones, "That's not true at all. I care about you Stiles. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. You know how I feel about pity."

Stiles only nodded. Derek had always hated when people learned of his past, they always pitied him, and he hated it.

"She's not really here," Derek continued, "Allison would never say those things. She loved you and I know she wouldn't blame you. No one else does." 

Stiles glanced at the corner where Allison had been. She was gone now, thanks to Derek.

"Will you stay with me tonight? Please?" Stiles knew it was pathetic, but he needed the stability that Derek provided.

"Of course," Derek agreed wiping a stray tear from Stiles' cheek.

Stiles slid over allowing the werewolf to climb in with him.

Derek held Stiles against his chest. He knew Stiles was only using him for comfort, but he didn't care. He would let Stiles use him in any way he felt necessary if it kept them close. Derek would sleep next to Stiles every night as nothing but friends if he asked him to. 

Looking around the room he recalled the time Stiles hid him when Scott had labeled him a murder. Stiles felt bad and allowed Derek to stay with him until his name got cleared. It had only taken three days, but he remembered them well. Stiles could have gotten into a lot of trouble, especially considering his dad was the sheriff and it could have cost him his job. But Stiles didn't hesitate. He remembered how Stiles would stand up to him when others would cower away. Sure, Stiles had been afraid of him at first, though he tried his best not to show it, but that had only lasted a few days. Stiles quickly became the one person Derek felt he could trust. Even when he and Scott were on opposite sides, Stiles was there for him, never choosing one side over the other. 

He recalled the time Stiles kept him alive when he'd been poisoned, and the time he kept Derek above water when he'd been paralyzed. Stiles never let the fact that he was human stop him. It was one of the many things Derek had come to love.

Now he was the one keeping Stiles' head above water. He only hoped he was enough.


	20. Not at liberty to say

Stiles woke the next morning alone. He sat up and looked at the clock on his side table. Ten a.m. The sound of faint laughter caught his attention. His dad's laughter. Stiles threw the covers back and made his way down the stairs to find Derek sitting with his dad at the kitchen table.

"Stiles, you sleep alright, son?" Noah asked looking up from his coffee cup.

"Yeah," Stiles nodded with a smile. He was thrilled that that was actually true. He'd noticed that so long as he fell asleep next to Derek, he would actually sleep well. The nightmares stayed away too.

"Great, I promised Scott we'd be over by noon. We're gonna have lunch at Melissa's house," The sheriff smiled excitedly. 

Dread washed over Stiles as he forced a smile of his own, "I'll go shower then."

Stiles had barely made it to his room when he heard Derek coming up the stairs behind him.

"Stiles," Derek paused in the doorway.

"Sorry about leaving last night after you fell asleep, I didn't want your dad to get the wrong idea," Derek looked apologetic.

"Oh," Stiles frowned, "I didn't know you left."

"Are you okay?" Derek dared ask. He could smell the anxiety Stiles was feeling but decided to give Stiles the option to talk about it if he wanted to.

"I'm just not sure I'm ready to see Scott. I'm not gonna be able to hide this from him," Stiles shook his head before running a hand through his hair.

"How have you done it in the past?" Derek asked taking a step towards Stiles.

"I'm pretty sure he's used to smelling anxiety on me, but it's such a short trip I can usually manage. Being here with the prospect of losing my job..." Stiles ran another hand through his hair, pulling at the strands this time, "I'm not gonna be able to hide it. When it comes to answering questions without him knowing I'm lying, I have gotten pretty good about manipulating my answers to fit the truth. Like if he asks how I've been, I just respond with busy. It's not a lie but it doesn't really answer his question, ya know?" He shrugged looking up at Derek in shame.

"That's actually really smart," Derek smiled at the human in front of him, "We can use that. I can control my heartbeat so he doesn't know I'm lying. I'll do the talking about me being in custody and you just be careful how you answer questions. We'll get through this, Stiles. I promise," Derek touched Stiles' arm gently. He wanted to pull the human into him but refrained. He felt it was best to let Stiles initiate that type of touch.

"What if I see Allison?" Stiles cut his eyes to the chair he'd seen the girl in the night before.

"Find me. If you need to step out, you can. Use that grounding method."

"It would be easier if people thought we were dating so it wouldn't arise any suspicion when I reached out and grabbed your hand," Stiles let out a frustrated huff.

"It's not too late," Derek shrugged, eyeing Stiles slightly.

"Nobody's gonna believe that," Stiles scoffed turning away.

Derek's jaw clenched.

"I'm gonna hop in the shower, I'll see you down stairs," The human closed himself in the bathroom before Derek could respond.

-

Derek sat quietly in the back of the car while Stiles and the Sheriff talked. He noticed the fake smile and over exaggerated mannerisms and it hurt him. Stiles was good at pretending, too good. It made Derek think back to when he'd first met the human. How much of what he'd seen was pretend? Stiles had always been a high anxiety person, but he'd always been cheery and outgoing. Sure, he'd also been distrusting and guarded but that only showed through when it really mattered. It was one of the things Derek had grown to love about Stiles. It was what let Stiles understand Derek so well.

"Dad?" Stiles' concerned tone pulled Derek from his thoughts.

Sitting in the driveway of Melissa's house were several cars. This wasn't just lunch at Scott's, this was a party.

"I wanted to surprise you," Noah smiled over at his son.

The smell of Stiles' anxiety spiked, and Derek immediately slipped his hand between Stiles' seat and the door, touching his arm gently.

"That's incredible," Stiles spoke excitedly. 

Derek gave a squeeze at the lie.

"Lydia even made it down for the day. I called everyone as soon as you told me," Noah was beaming as he climbed out of the car.

"Thanks dad," Stiles gave his father a warm smile as he followed him out of the car. His hand instantly found Derek's wrist, gripping it tightly.

"I'm right here," Derek whispered.

"I can't lie to Lydia," Stiles panicked. He hadn't seen her in several years. Her schedule always clashed with his during the holidays.

"You can do this, okay? I know you can," Derek whispered, his mouth was so close to Stiles' ear he could feel the hot breath against his face.

"Stiles," Lydia's voice squealed as she threw open the front door to Melissa's house.

Stiles' dropped Derek's hand and turned to face the redhead.

"Lydia," He grinned widely as she threw herself into him.

"How are you?" He asked, holding her close.

"I'm good, how are you?" She asked pulling away, her bright pink lips pulled into a wide grin.

"Still half asleep," Stiles joked lightly.

"Derek?" Lydia frowned suddenly upon seeing the werewolf.

"Oh uh, yeah, he's with me," Stiles gestured uncomfortably to Derek.

"Really?" Lydia's eyes lit up as they bounced between the alpha and Stiles.

"Oh, no, no, not with me with me. I'm looking after him," Stiles corrected quickly.

"Oh," Lydia's lip stuck out in a pout, "Wait, looking after him?" She raised a suspicious brow.

"I'm his work assignment. I'm in protective custody," Derek piped up then.

"What did you do now?" She joked as she linked her arm in his and Stiles'.

"We're not at liberty to say," Stiles smirked as she pulled them inside where everyone was waiting.

Inside, the house was full of people. People Stiles hadn't seen in ages. How had his dad managed to get everyone together in such short notice? 

Stiles' eyes slid across the room. There was Scott, Malia, Liam, Mason, Parrish, Jackson and- Stiles halted in his spot. He blinked at the pair in the corner of the room. Surely he wasn't hallucinating already.

"Is that Ethan?" Stiles asked, his heart rate leapt at the sight of the twin.

"Yeah, he and Jackson just happened to be in town visiting Danny," Lydia nodded excitedly. Sure enough Danny walked in the room from the kitchen with a guy Stiles didn't know attached to his arm.

"How did you get all these people here?" Stiles turned to his dad.

"I had Lydia's help," The sheriff gave a small shrug.

"I haven't seen you in years, I get news that you're visiting outside of a holiday, you bet your ass I got everyone together," Lydia tossed her long red hair. She hadn't changed at all.

"Derek?" Scott walked over looking surprised to see the other alpha.

"Hey, Scott," Derek smiled at the younger guy.

"Lydia, you didn't tell me you were in contact with him," Scott turned to the banshee.

"Oh no," She shook her head, "He came with Stiles." 

"I'm in protective custody," Derek spoke up then.

"Still getting in trouble huh?" Malia crossed her arms, but a smile played on his lips.

"In the words of Stiles, I'm not at liberty to say," He grinned. It had been a long time since he'd seen anyone in Beacon Hills and yet it felt like not a day had passed.

"So how have you been, man?" Scott asked, pulled Stiles into a hug.

"Busy as usual," Stiles answered, skirting the question.

"I'm glad you're here. We all missed you at Christmas last year."

"Yeah, I had a case I couldn't pull out of," That hadn't been a lie.

"They didn't give you time off to make up for it?" Scott frowned.

"What do you think I'm doing here?" Stiles smiled giving Scott a pat on the shoulder.

At that moment Stiles' phone rang. He pulled it out to see Jeremy's name flashing across the screen.

"Speaking of work, I have to take this," Stiles slipped into the kitchen, where it was quieter.

"Hello?" Stiles didn't know why Jeremy would be calling him; he'd told him about his meeting yesterday.

"Stiles, hey how's the visit going?" Jeremy asked. He sounded normal so he couldn't be calling with bad news, right?"

"I'm at Scott's now. They threw a party for me. Lydia's here," Stiles answered. He was careful how he answered just in case any of the many werewolves were listening. He wouldn't put it past Scott.

"Oof, I know how much you hate having to see her." Jeremy's tone was sympathetic.

"Why'd you call, is everything okay?" Stiles asked trying to steer the conversation away from his visit.

"Umm, actually I wanted to let you know that, they've given me a temporary replacement partner. Everyone's talking like you're already gone."

"What? Why would they do that? This will be over in a few days. I'll be back and everything will be sorted out," Stiles answered carefully. He knew he couldn't hide the stress in his tone though.

"I don't know. I asked the captain about it, but he wouldn't give me any information. He's telling everyone you took a week off, but everyone knows you don't take time off," Jeremy spoke quietly like he was trying to keep from being heard.

"I promise I'll get this sorted out. Derek's here and we're working on it."

"You took him with you?" Jeremy asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Stiles waited for the berating, but it never came.

"He seems to be good for you. I'm glad he went too," Jeremy's tone was sincere.

"I expected a different reaction, I'm not gonna lie," Stiles chuckled lightly.

"I think he realized his mistake. He seems to really care about you."

Stiles bit down on his bottom lip. Hearing Jeremy say that about Derek was a big deal. His job was reading people and judging the type of person they are. If he approved of Derek being in Stiles' life then Stiles didn't doubt it for a second.

"You take care of keeping your head screwed on, alright? I just wanted to let you know they aren't playing around. I don't want to lose my partner, okay? Don't let Scott get in your head, I know he does sometimes," Jeremy spoke up again when Stiles didn't respond.

"It's not like he means to," Stiles huffed. It was true though. Scott often made Stiles feel like he was a wounded animal that needed extra care. He knew he didn't mean it in a bad way, but it made Stiles second guess any progress he made.

"Let Derek take care of you. He knows how to handle you, please let him."

"I will," Stiles didn't really have a choice in the matter. He responded positively to Derek whether he wanted to or not.

Stiles hung up the phone and turned to see Scott.

"You alright?" Scott asked worriedly. He could smell Stiles' anxiety.

"That was Jeremy. He was just updating me on some things," Stiles once again skirted the question. He was glad Scott wasn't smart enough to realize he was doing it. Lydia was going to be a problem though, she would pick up on it, so he had to be extra careful with her.


	21. I don't want to talk about it

By the time evening rolled around, Stiles was exhausted. He'd been pretending to be okay all day and he was starting to slip. Allison's voice had been prominent all day, but the hallucinations had stayed at bay, until now that is. Everyone was sharing memories from their high school days when Lydia brought up a memory of her.

"That was two weeks before my death," Allison spoke up from next to the red head.

Stiles stiffened, which alerted the wolves in the room almost instantly.

"I had no idea I wouldn't live to see my next birthday," Allison's sad tone was different from the chastising hateful one she often used.

Stiles tried desperately to ignore her. 

"I missed out on so much," Her eyes glistened with tears. Stiles had never seen her cry in all the years he'd been dealing with visions of her. 

"We both did," Aiden's voice spoke then as he appeared next to his twin.

Stiles' gripped his hands tightly in fists to keep them from trembling. He wanted to reach out and grip Derek's hand, but he knew he couldn't without arising suspicion. He felt Jackson, Ethan, Malia, and Scott's eyes on him. They knew he was cracking.

The pressure of that realization only made him feel worse.

Derek sensed Stiles' anxiety heighten and he knew the look on his face well enough to know Stiles was seeing Allison. He smelled the sweat start to form on Stiles' brow and heard the loud and quick thud of his heart. If he didn't do something soon, Stiles would wind up in a full-blown panic attack.

Ignoring the voice in his head telling him that Stiles wouldn't want it, he reached over and brushed his hand gently along Stiles' back.

Stiles let out a small sigh and leaned back into the touch, "I'm gonna step out for a second."

Scott got up and followed Stiles out the front door.

"Hey, you alright?" Scott asked closing the door behind him.

Stiles fought to keep his tone from being too hostile, "It's just weird talking about all those old memories."

"You don't still feel responsible, do you?" Scott asked, taking a step towards his best friend.

"I really don't want to talk about this," Stiles answered stiffly. 

"It's not your fault."

Stiles clenched his jaw. He couldn't blame Scott for being concerned but he wished Scott would know when to drop it, but he never did. He always had to push it.

"It's not, Stiles," Scott reached out to put a hand on Stiles' shoulder.

"I said I don't want to talk about this," Stiles growled, not caring how hostile he sounded now.

"Nobody blames you," Scott continued.

"Damn it, Scott, let it go," Stiles snapped swatting Scott's hand away. Derek would have dropped the topic instantly if Stiles had asked him to, but Scott wasn't Derek.

"It's okay to be upset, we all miss her," Scott just didn't know when to quit.

"Is everything okay?" Derek's voice asked stepping outside then.

Stiles instantly felt relieved.

"I'm just trying to convince Stiles that what happened to Allison wasn't his fault," Scott explained, "Derek would agree with me, wouldn't you Derek? Tell him it's not his fault."

Derek frowned but didn't say anything. He knew it wasn't Stiles' fault, but he could tell that talking about this any further wouldn't help.

"You don't actually think it was his fault, do you?" Scott demanded when Derek didn't respond.

Derek turned a murderous look towards the other alpha, "I think it's getting late. Stiles why don't you get your dad," Derek answered, not looking away from Scott.

Stiles obliged silently.

When Derek was sure Stiles was out of earshot he spoke again, "You have to learn when to stop. Being here is strange for him. Being surrounded by all these people he hasn't seen in six or seven years, it brings up a lot of memories, trust me, I know. When you all start bringing up Allison, it's gonna make him a little tense. He's got enough going on right now. He doesn't need the extra stress, so next time he says he doesn't want to talk about something, drop it," His tone was stern and low.

"I just want to make sure he's okay," Scott huffed like a scolded child.

"You pushing the issue isn't going to help," Derek snapped.

Scott frowned at Derek, "Are you two dating?"

This took Derek by surprise, "What?"

"You two seem awfully close. Are you two dating?" Scott repeated.

"No," Derek growled. That wasn't a lie, but Derek still focused on keeping his heart steady. He couldn't let Scott know how he felt about the human.

"Good. He deserves someone who can give him a fresh start. Promise me after you're cleared, you'll leave him alone. He doesn't need the constant reminder of what he left behind. He's happy in Seattle. I've never seen him as tense as he is right now. I can't help but think you have something to do with that," Scott's tone was accusing and protective.

Derek's jaw clenched. Scott had no idea about what Stiles' life in Seattle was really like. He'd like to clue him in, but Stiles would never forgive him for it.

"Derek, ready?" Stiles asked then, keeping Derek from having to respond.

-

The car ride was quiet on the way back to the sheriff's house. Derek was still angry about Scott's comment and Stiles was still trying to keep himself together. 

"You two alright?" Noah asked as he parked the car in the driveway.

"Just tired, I didn't expect such an eventful day," Stiles forced a smile.

Noah only nodded before climbing out of the car.

"What's wrong?" Stiles asked Derek once his dad was closed inside the house, leaving the two of them in the driveway.

"Nothing," Derek shook his head. He went to step by Stiles, but the human caught him by the wrist.

"Don't lie to me. I'm honest with you," Stiles' eyes were pleading.

Derek let out a huff, "I just don't want to worry you with it."

"With what?" Stiles frowned.

"Scott asked if we were dating," Derek answered looking off towards the road.

"Okay? We're not," Stiles didn't understand why that would upset Derek.

"That's what I told him." 

"Okay?" Stiles urged Derek to continue.

"He wanted me to promise that once my name got cleared, that I'd leave you alone. He said you were happy in Seattle and that you didn't need the constant reminder of what you left behind. He thinks you were so upset today because of me being back in your life," Derek explained. He avoided meeting Stiles' eyes, afraid he might see the truth in them.

"He's wrong," Stiles' voice was soft and timid, "Having you back in my life has been the best thing to happen to me. You make me okay, Derek. I didn't want to tell you this, but...when you're by my side at night...I'm not afraid. The nightmares don't come. I feel safe with you. Scott doesn't know anything about me anymore. Nobody does. Nobody but you. So, let him think you're what makes me miserable, cause it's the opposite. Promise me you won't listen to him. Promise me you won't leave."

Derek looked up at a nervous Stiles. His eyes found his lips and he took a step forward. His hand reached out to cup Stiles' face. Derek read the look in Stiles' eyes, wondering if he was about to go too far. 

"I promise," Derek responded, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You two staying out there all night?" Noah asked, peering his head out the door.

Derek dropped his hand and took a step back. He swore he saw Stiles' shoulders slump slightly at the distance he put between them, but he couldn't be sure. Perhaps he'd only wanted to see it.


	22. Distraction

Derek peered into Stiles room to see it empty. It was late and the sheriff had already gone to bed. Derek had grabbed a quick shower, not wanting to leave Stiles alone for too long. Apparently the ten minutes it took him was too long. Stiles wasn't downstairs either. 

The alpha shivered as he stepped into the cool air, his still damp hair causing a chill to run down his spine. Or so that's what he told himself. It could have just as easily been the familiarity of this old town at night. A town he'd left behind ages ago and swore never to return to. The things he did for Stiles. He should have known that the spastic human would lead him right back to this very street, but it hadn't even crossed his mind. 

Taking a deep breath Derek caught wind of Stiles, a scent that, unlike this town, he never forgot. He followed it down the street, shaking out the last of the water droplets as he did so. 

Derek didn't know where he expected to find Stiles, but the graveyard was not it. Perhaps his old loft. Or walking aimlessly through the woods. Maybe even the old lookout spot he and Scott used to go to. But there Stiles was, sitting up against the side of a headstone, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head bowed as if in shame.

"Stiles?" Derek frowned in concern upon realizing whose headstone he was sitting next to.

"Should have figured you'd find me," Stiles spoke, lifting his head so his saddened eyes met Derek's.

"What are you doing out here?" Derek knew it was obvious what Stiles was doing in a graveyard but he couldn't imagine it being the best place to go in his state of mind.

"I've never been here, not since the funeral, anyway," Stiles answered, his eyes roaming the yard.

Derek raised a curious brow.

"I left a few months after it happened. I never came to visit. I felt too guilty," Once again Stiles' head dropped in shame. He reached for a bottle next to him and lifted it to his lips.

Derek's heart dropped. He'd grabbed his dad's bottle of Jack Daniels.

"After today..." Stiles looked up at Derek with a frown, "She was sad. She's never been sad before. It was always angry and accusing. This was no less accusing really, but she was crying. She's never done that before."

Derek knelt in front of Stiles, "It wasn't really her," he reminded him.

"I almost wish it was so I could apologize and know she heard it. I've apologized a million times, but it never feels like enough. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to thank her for being there for Scott and for helping us, and for being on our side of things despite her family history. I never got to thank her for being someone Isaac could trust. For protecting me even though I was a monster. For forgiving you," Stiles lifted the bottle to his lips again.

"Stiles, you were never the monster, don't ever think that you were. And as for her forgiving me, if she could forgive me for biting her mother then what makes you think she wouldn't forgive you for what happened to her, even though it's not your fault. She gets be with her mom now," Derek placed a comforting hand on Stiles' knee so that the human would look at him. He wasn't good at comforting people, he never had been, but he wanted to help Stiles, and he wanted him to stop blaming himself.

"Sometimes, I wish I'd died when he did. Then this wouldn't hurt so much," Stiles bit down on his lower lip.

Derek's eyes darkened, "Don't talk like that. The only thing your death would have accomplished is hurting the ones that love you. Your dad would be completely alone. I know you don't want that."

"He basically is. I live two states away and see him two days out of the year," Stiles took another swig of the whiskey.

"But knowing your alive and that he'll see you again is a big deal. Besides you call him once a week, right?" Derek reminded him gently.

"Why are you being so good to me? You don't have to do this. You didn't have to come here with me and...you've basically been my emotional crutch since you walked back into my life," Stiles looked into Derek's sage green eyes with an intensity that made Derek want to look away for fear that Stiles would see the truth in them.

"Because I care about you," Derek answered simply. He stood then and held out a hand for Stiles, "Come on, let's get you home."

"If I ever get better, are you going to leave?" Stiles asked taking Derek's hand, allowing the alpha to pull him to his feet.

"Not if you don't want me to," Derek responded easily. He hoped Stiles would want him to stay.

"But do you want to? I don't want to be responsible for anyone else's misery," Stiles went to pull his hand away, but Derek's grip tightened.

"Stiles, listen to me, when I saw you in that bar and I couldn't convince myself to leave then, I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I told myself I would just say hi and move on, but...I didn't know how to face you. And when I did, it wasn't the reaction I'd hoped for. When I saw how...upset you were, I knew, no matter how much you hated me, I cared about you way too much to walk away again. The only way I'd ever leave you is if you insisted that I did. I don't want me being in your life to cause more problems," Derek stared into Stiles' caramel brown eyes. Those eyes used to sparkle in a way that reminded him of the sun shining through a glass of iced tea, but now they were clouded with sadness and exhaustion.

Stiles only nodded in response, not trusting his slightly intoxicated brain. 

Derek released Stiles' hand and the pair started back towards the house.

"I guess this is the part where you find someone to take home, huh?" Derek didn't know why he brought that up.

"The thought crossed my mind, but I know too many people here," Stiles shrugged.

Derek's stomach knotted with jealousy. 

"I guess I'll just have to take you home instead," Stiles winked, giving Derek's shoulder a nudge with his own.

Derek's already knotted stomach flipped at the idea of sleeping with Stiles. As much as he'd love to be a mindless distraction for him, he could never sleep with Stiles like that. If he ever got the chance, it would mean too much to him. 

"Do you need a distraction?" Derek asked, grabbing Stiles' arm to keep him from walking inside. They'd just reached the front door. 

"That's what this was...though it wasn't nearly enough," Stiles held up the now empty bottle of Jack. He tossed it towards the trashcan, sending it into the flowerbed next to it. It had only been less than a fourth full.

Derek could never sleep with Stiles as a one-night stand, but a kiss couldn't hurt right? After all he'd been about to kiss him earlier. Now at least he'd have an excuse. He took a step forward, his hand still holding just above Stiles' elbow. He crowded the human into the door.

"I might not be able to be the full distraction you need, but maybe I can help."

Stiles didn't move as Derek leaned forward slowly, giving him plenty of time to stop him. Their eyes stayed locked on the others until Derek closed the last of the gap between them.

Derek's lips were surprisingly soft just like the kiss. 

Stiles instinctively reached for Derek. His hand gripping at the back of his neck carefully.

The alpha took that as an invitation to deepen the kiss. His mouth pressed in more firmly as he tilted his head slightly.

Stiles pressed back eagerly, parting his lips ever so slightly.

Derek's own lips separated allowing them to slot together with Stiles better. The hand not holding onto Stiles' arm slid around his waist.

Stiles' hand which was still as the back of Derek's neck slid into Derek's raven hair.

A low hum of satisfaction slipped out of Derek's throat.

This caused Stiles to press himself against Derek and open his mouth further, allowing his tongue to play at Derek's bottom lip.

After that, Derek threw all reserve to the wind. His tongue darted out, tangling hungrily with Stiles'. He shoved Stiles back against the door roughly. 

Stiles gripped at the alpha's hair, tugging on the short strands gently.

Derek was glad they were still outside, because he feared if they'd been in Stiles' room there would be no turning back.

When the pair finally broke apart, panting. Derek took a full step back causing their hands to fall away from each other. 

"Hopefully that was enough of a distraction," Derek spoke stiffly, trying to keep all emotion out of his tone.

Stiles cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah, I uh...yeah," Stiles stumbled over his words as he spoke.

Derek gave a curt nod before reaching for the door.

"Will you still stay with me tonight?" Stiles' tone asked then, suddenly full of desperation, like he was afraid the kiss would keep Derek away.

"Of course," Derek gave a small smile, hoping to hide the relief he felt. He'd worried he'd made things awkward between them, but if he did, it didn't show.


	23. Squeeze

The next morning, Stiles woke alone once again. He could hear his dad and Derek downstairs just like the day before. Stiles barely remembered falling asleep the night before. He'd been so tired, and the whiskey hadn't helped that. He vaguely remembered Derek sliding into bed behind him a few minutes after Stiles had lied down. He'd rolled into Derek's chest and that was it. He'd been out. 

The silent trek up the stairs to his room was clear as day though. His lips tingled from the kiss he'd shared with Derek. It had taken Stiles by surprise only because he'd never expected that from Derek. The alpha had even given him plenty of time to stop him if he wanted, and on some level, Stiles wished he had. The kiss only reminded him of how much he loved Derek. Someone that wasn't his to love, not like that at least.

"Stiles?" Derek's voice shook the human from his thoughts.

"Derek, hey," Stiles gave a small smile.

"Your dad said you mentioned going to the shooting range with him," Derek glanced over his shoulder and down the hall.

"Yeah, I did," Stiles climbed out of bed and reached for his suitcase that sat on his computer desk.

"Did you want to go alone? I can-"

"No," Stiles cut in quickly, "I want you there. If that's okay."

"Of course," Derek nodded, "Sorry again for slipping out early," He gestured to the messy bed Stiles had just climbed out of.

"I understand," Stiles smiled. If his dad caught them, there would be no explaining that one away.

-

Stiles slid the clip into his gun and cocked the chamber. He lifted his gun and thought about where he wanted the bullet to go. He aimed and squeezed. The bullet barely grazed the target. 

He aimed and tried again. 

Nothing.

He tried rapid fire, shooting seven bullets. They all landed sporadically around the target.

"Not awake yet there, son?" Noah asked teasingly as he loaded up his own gun.

"I'm just trying not to show up my old man," Stiles winked at his dad. 

"Or you know you can't," Allison's voice rang in his ears though he didn't see her, "You know your job is on the line if you can't do this when you get back."

Derek saw Stiles' tension and stepped back from his own lane, "Stiles, I think now would be a good time to tell you I've never shot a gun before."

That was a lie, but Stiles didn't need to know that.

Stiles frowned over at the werewolf in shock before quickly realizing that he wouldn't have a need for firearms.

"Here," Stiles set his gun down and stepped into Derek's lane. He positioned the gun in Derek's hand. 

Derek feigned ignorance as he watched Stiles. Seeing Stiles so familiar with such a dangerous weapon was odd for him. Stiles had always been clumsy and a bit wild. Now he was meticulously going over the different parts of the gun like he'd been handling them all his life. A lot really had changed in five years. It was like Derek was getting to know Stiles all over again. It excited him. He loved Stiles then and so far, those feelings hadn't changed. The only thing is, now there was more to love. Stiles had always been loyal and kind and determined. That hadn't changed. 

"So, you aim and squeeze. Don't pull, squeeze," Stiles said lifting Derek's hand so he could aim it at his target.

"Why squeeze and not pull?" Derek frowned. He'd always heard the term pull the trigger. While he'd shot a gun before, he was no professional.

"There's an average trigger pull weight of about six pounds on a gun this size. If you pull your finger back, you're only using the strength of one finger. That's six pounds you have to muster using that one finger. It's highly unlikely you'll be able to pull the trigger and also hit your target. However, if you squeeze, you're using the strength of your hand. That's a lot more muscle power and since you aren't straining, you'll be able to keep your gun steadier and therefore have a better chance at hitting your target," Stiles explained using his hand to demonstrate the actions.

Derek smiled at Stiles in awe. He'd always been smart, but it never ceased to amaze Derek.

The werewolf turned to his target and aimed carefully. He squeezed the trigger just as Stiles had said and sure enough, he hit the target closer to the bullseye than he'd ever had in the past. Unfortunately for him, his werewolf abilities didn't extent to marksmanship.

"Not bad," Stiles smiled, pleased that Derek had hit the target at all.

He returned to his own lane and lifted the gun.

Derek held his breath as Stiles fired his own gun. He hoped that teaching Derek would take some of the pressure off of him and help him to focus.

He released the breath in a relieved sigh as Stiles lowered his gun to see all six shots had hit almost exactly the bullseye.

"You're a natural," Derek spoke from beside the human. 

Stiles turned to look at the alpha. Derek was standing so close they were almost touching. It wasn't surprising as it was so loud, but Stiles' was suddenly hyper aware of how close they were. His eyes fell to Derek's lips which were curled into a small smile.

"Thank you," Stiles realized what Derek had been trying to do.

"I didn't do anything," Derek shrugged, though Stiles knew he was lying.

"Have you really never shot a gun?" Stiles asked as he reached for another clip.

"I have a few times, but it's been a while," Derek answered honestly. He felt bad lying to Stiles. His plan had worked so there was no point in continuing the lie.

Stiles smiled fondly at the werewolf.

"I didn't know that about the pulling and squeezing thing though, I've never been a very good shot, guess now I know why."

Stiles laughed gently before turning back to his target.

Derek watched as he unloaded all fifteen rounds into his target almost perfectly. He could see the relief in Stiles' shoulders as he lowered his gun. He could also smell the happiness he was feeling. It was a strange smell on Stiles. One he didn't smell often. It reminded him of honey and sandalwood. A smell that Derek remembered only a few times from before he left. It hit him then just how unhappy Stiles had always been. Anxiety had kind of always been his norm, and it never really registered to Derek before now. 

Derek instinctively reached out and placed a hand on Stiles' lower back. His wolf was dying to touch the human. He suddenly felt guilty for never noticing how miserable Stiles had been before. As he thought more about it, he realized the smell mostly diminished after the first few weeks of knowing Stiles. Which just so happened to be the first few weeks after Scott got bit and he'd been dragged into the supernatural world. The supernatural had literally sucked the happiness out of Stiles. He had sucked the happiness out of Stiles.

Dread and regret washed over Derek then. Maybe Scott was right, maybe Stiles was better off out of the supernatural world. Maybe he was better off without the constant reminder of it, which is what Derek was. A constant reminder of what took the last of his childhood and left him a stressed mess instead. 

"Derek?" Stiles frowned as the alpha. He looked pale. His eyes were dark and a crease between his brows worried his face.

"Excuse me," Derek stepped back before rushing out.

"Derek," Stiles called after the werewolf, but he was already gone. It was times like this that Stiles wished he could smell emotions. 


	24. Enough

Stiles had his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket as he traipsed through the wooded underbrush. He had sent his dad home and gone to hunt down Derek. He stepped into the clearing where a large house once stood. Now though, it was just an empty lot.

"Derek," Stiles' voice spoke quietly as he neared the man standing at the edge of the woods.

"I didn't know they tore it down," Derek's voice came out weak and sad.

"Neither did I," Stiles hadn't been there in years. He stepped beside Derek, being sure to leave enough space in case Derek got uncomfortable. Something had made him uncomfortable at the shooting range.

The pair stood in silence for what felt like ages, staring at the barren ground where the old Hale house once stood.

"Are you okay?" Stiles asked finally, concern etched in his tone.

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this," Derek responded not looking at Stiles.

"Dragged into what?" Stiles frowned, unsure of what Derek could be referring to.

"My life."

"I'm sorry, what?" Stiles shook his head. Derek wasn't making any sense.

"I let Kate manipulate me and in doing so I not only got most of my family killed, I caused Peter to lash out. Because of that, Scott got bit and you got dragged into the world of the supernatural," Derek answered, still not looking at Stiles.

"Derek, you can't seriously be blaming yourself-"

"If I had been more careful, my family would be alive, Scott would be human. You would have had a normal life, married Lydia, stayed close to home. Instead you're running from demons that you have no business knowing about," Derek snapped, his eyes finally landing on the human next to him.

"You don't think I would have figured it out eventually anyway? Lydia is a literal harbinger of death, if I had married her, I would definitely have noticed," Stiles spoke defensively. He didn't like where Derek was going with this.

"Peter attacked Lydia, she may never have come into her powers otherwise," Derek pointed out.

"Derek, what is this about?" Stiles took a cautious step towards the alpha.

"This is about Scott being right, you deserve to be away from this. You don't need the constant reminder of what ruined your life. Me."

Panic washed over Stiles in a heavy wave that felt like it was going to knock the breath out of him. 

"What-what are you saying?" Stiles wanted to beg Derek not to say it, plead with him to see how wrong he was, but he didn't know how.

"I'm saying that I'm sorry, Stiles," Derek looked at the human with apologetic eyes. He could smell the worry.

"Where is this coming from?" Stiles asked stiffly. He was going to murder Scott for ever saying anything to Derek.

Derek turned away from Stiles and back to the empty lot, "Back there, when you hit the target, I smelled something on you..." Derek glanced at Stiles, "Happiness. You know the last time I smelled that on you?"

Stiles didn't respond. He didn't know the last time he'd been truly happy.

"A few weeks after we met. I didn't realize it before but after being submerged into the supernatural for a few weeks you stopped smelling happy. The supernatural ruined your life. I ruined your life. Scott was right, you deserve to be happy, away from it all," Derek was facing away from Stiles again.

Stiles stepped in front of Derek, forcing him to look Stiles' in the eyes, "You know I'm not happy. I've been away from this place for five years and I'm miserable. You think you're a constant reminder? Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded, of the people I hurt and what I did. There's no escaping that," his tone was sharp and bitter.

Derek looked at Stiles with sad eyes. He wanted to reach out, to tell Stiles he wasn't the one who did those things, but it wouldn't take away the pain that Stiles felt, just like it didn't take Derek's pain when Stiles told him he wasn't at fault for what happened with Kate.

"You're gonna leave, aren't you?" Stiles' voice broke slightly despite him trying to keep it even.

Derek dropped his eyes, he didn't honestly know the answer to that. That's why he had come out here, to think.

"You promised," Stiles snapped, shoving Derek angrily. 

The werewolf barely budged.

"You made me trust you, depend on you, even. Now you're just gonna leave because Scott thinks he knows me?" Stiles gestured wildly towards the general direction of town.

Derek sighed.

"What is wrong with you? Why? Why make me trust you? Why are you doing this to me?" Stiles' voice kept its angry tone but the tears in his eyes gave way to his sadness.

"I don't know what to do, Stiles," Derek spoke finally, his head dropping in shame.

"What do you want to do?" Stiles demanded, his tone no less angry.

Derek stepped forward. He lifted Stiles' chin up slightly before leaning in, "This," he whispered before pressing his lips to Stiles'.

Stiles stood frozen for a second before yanking away from Derek harshly, "What the hell, Hale?"

Derek swallowed nervously. He'd overstepped his bounds. 

"Is this a joke to you?" Stiles growled, "Do you enjoy hurting me?"

"No, of course not-"

Stiles cut in, "You can't do this to me, Derek. I'm barely holding on. I trusted you and you're, you're...toying with me. I can't handle that," A tear slid down Stiles' cheek.

"I'm not toying with you. I want what's best for you," Derek frowned.

"And you think listening to Scott is what's best for me? You think leaving is what's best? I don't know if you've noticed Derek, but my mental state is highly dependent on if you're nearby or not. I can't do this without you and what's worse, I don't want to. For the first time, I have someone who understands. Someone who I can trust. Someone who I thought cared."

"I do, Stiles. I do care. I care more than I've ever cared about anything. I don't want to leave you. But I don't want to bring that ruin back into your life. You escaped the supernatural. You-"

"No one escapes the supernatural. Once you're a part of it, you're a part of it forever. I see it all the time. Things most people would dismiss as a play of their imagination. Like the way a wolf's eyes will change on a full moon when they're struggling to control their shift... Or how someone is suddenly not bleeding when I know they were hurt just a moment ago. I know that they're supernatural. I don't care about that. In fact, I like being able to rationalize those crazy moments with the truth. I know how to handle myself. Hell, I've slept with my fair share of supernatural creatures. It keeps things interesting," Stiles huffed. He so desperately wanted Derek to understand, leaving him would only hurt him more.

"You've what?" Derek's eyes darkened, "That's incredibly reckless, Stiles," he growled.

Stiles rolled his eyes, "The biggest problem I've had is having another wolf's scent on me. You guys have really sensitive noses."

Derek suppressed a growl. He knew Stiles slept around and he hated it but knowing he had slept with another wolf made him crazy.

"Look, that's not the point," Stiles waved a dismissive hand, "My point is, Scott doesn't know what's best for me. If you truly want to do what's best for me, you'll stay, like you promised. You make me better, Derek." 

Derek's eyes softened as Stiles' words. 

"I know it looks like I'm a mess, but it was the anniversary of Allison's death and I got medical leave at work at the same time, and now I've been forced to come home, and my job is on the line...Doing this without you wouldn't have been possible. The fact that I didn't have a full-blown panic attack at Scott's house yesterday is a very big deal, and it's because of you. You make me okay. I know that doesn't seem like enough, but it is," Stiles reached for Derek's arm. He touched it gently, "Please don't leave me. I don't care how desperate I sound, I need you, Derek."

Derek's wolf preened at Stiles' words. There was nothing that could make Derek say no to Stiles now. He wrapped his arms around the human, pulling him into his chest.

Stiles' gripped him back desperately, holding on as if Derek would vanish if he let him go.

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek spoke quietly into the top of Stiles' head.

Stiles melted into Derek, the tension leaving his body as relief flooded him.

"I'm sorry I even considered it," Derek never wanted to hurt Stiles. He'd let his doubt control him.

"Scott has a way of getting in your head, trust me. That's why Jeremy doesn't like him," Stiles pulled back, giving Derek a small smile.

Derek's hand cupped the side of Stiles' face, his eyes staring fondly into the whiskey brown of Stiles', "For the record, you don't sound desperate at all. I'm glad I'm enough for you and I promise to always try to be enough for you."

Stiles' gave a small smile.

The scent of honey and sandalwood hit Derek's nose for the second time that day. Happiness. He'd made Stiles happy. There was no better feeling in the world.


	25. Alpha

Stiles and Derek walked in a comfortable silence back to the house. 

When they walked in they found dinner on the table with Scott, Lydia, and Malia sitting around it.

Stiles' shoulders tensed.

"Dad?" Stiles tone said he wasn't happy that his friends were there.

"They stopped by just before you got back. They wanted one more night with you. You leave tomorrow and we don't get to see you that much," Noah shrugged.

Stiles sighed. He was about to send them home and claim to be ill. He just didn't have another night of convincing everyone he was fine, in him. But Derek's hand found his lower back.

"You wanted to check in with Jeremy, I'll help set the table," Derek smiled at Stiles. 

Stiles nodded before stepping back outside.

"You alright, son?" Noah asked, his large hand clasping on Derek's shoulder. 

It was then Derek remembered he'd ran out on him and Stiles at the range.

"Stiles said you were stressed about your protection."

"Not exactly," Derek frowned, he didn't want Noah to think he didn't trust Stiles to protect him. There wasn't anyone he trusted more, "I just worry how it's effecting Stiles. He's more the hands-on type at work. Plus, they gave Jeremy a new partner while Stiles is away, I think it bothers him," He directed that statement at the three sitting at the table more than the Sheriff. He was under no illusion that Stiles' friends were there just for dinner. They would have planned it the day before. This was an intervention of some sort. He just couldn't figure out what.

"You're important to him, he wouldn't have agreed to help you if you weren't," Noah offered kindly.

Derek only gave a small nod.

"How long have you been seeing my son by the way?" Noah asked, busying himself with serving spoons.

"I'm sorry?" Derek blinked at the sheriff.

"I knew you were lying," Scott huffed at the alpha.

"I wasn't lying. I'm not dating Stiles," Derek frowned. 

"You told me he was," Lydia swatted at Malia gently.

"I think he's lying. He can lie to us, he's a werewolf. We came here to ask Stiles. Stiles can't lie to us," Malia hissed rubbing the sore spot on her arm.

Derek crossed his arms disapprovingly. So that's what this was about. "I'm not lying."

"Then you won't have a problem with us asking Stiles," Malia responded with her hands on her hips. 

Derek clenched his jaw.

"I've seen the way you two look at each other," Noah shook his head, "I know those looks."

"Look, Stiles has enough on his plate without you three pestering him about our non-existent relationship," Derek growled.

"Protective much," Malia quipped.

"I'm his alpha, it's my job," Derek growled again, his voice lower.

"Whoa, you're his alpha?" Scott looked offended, "Since when?"

"Since I live in Seattle and you don't come to visit," Derek snapped. He was slightly bitter about Scott putting doubt in his head the day before and apparently it was showing.

"If I remember correctly, you ditched out about five years ago," Scott was in a defensive stance now, in front of Derek.

"I'm not gonna fight with you about this, Scott," Derek's wolf would normally demand the be recognized as Stiles' alpha, but after the conversation he and Stiles had had at the old Hale property, he was secure enough to know where he stood in Stiles' life.

"Good, then stop pretending you're more important than you are," Scott snapped.

"Scott," Lydia cut in then, "You know Stiles cares about Derek."

"Yeah, and I also know that Derek bailed at a particularly rough time in Stiles' life. Or did you forget the weeks of nightmares. We were there, he wasn't," Scott growled, his eyes never leaving Derek's.

Derek didn't respond. Scott may have been right about that, but he was completely oblivious to what Stiles had been dealing with alone for years after that. Derek wanted to put Scott in his place, tell him how wrong he was, but it wasn't his place.

"Whoa, what's with the tension?" Stiles frowned as he rounded the corner, shoving his phone into his pocket.

"Nothing," Derek answered before Scott could speak. 

By the look on Scott's face, he'd been about to ask Stiles who his alpha was and Derek had a feeling Scott wouldn't have liked the answer. 

"So, Stiles," Lydia smirked at him as they all took a seat around the table, "Anyone special in your life?"

Stiles rolled his eyes, "Really, Lydia?"

"What?" She feigned innocence.

"Why don't you just ask me what you want to ask me," Stiles crossed his arms. Every time he and Lydia talked on the phone, she asked him if he was sleeping with Jeremy yet. She'd met him once and swore he was the one for Stiles, despite him being completely straight. Lydia was convinced Stiles could change his mind, as if it worked that way.

"Fine, are you and Derek dating?" Lydia asked before sliding a bite of fried rice into her mouth.

Stiles' jaw went slack. He hadn't expected that. He glanced over at Derek who looked as if the question hadn't been asked. Had he heard Lydia?

All eyes were on him, including his dad's.

"Are you being serious right now?" Stiles wasn't sure if this was some joke he didn't get or what was happening.

"Yes," Scott nodded. Stiles could tell by the way Scott was trained on him that he was listening for any signs of a lie.

"No, Derek and I are not dating," Stiles answered clearly.

All eyes then turned to Scott who looked genuinely surprised.

"I tried telling them," Derek shrugged still looking unfazed.

"Why would you think that? It's Derek," Stiles gestured heavily to the man next to him.

"So?" Malia frowned at the human.

"So the chances of that are less likely than me winning the lottery," Stiles laughed, spooning a bite of rice into his mouth.

Derek stopped mid bite, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, you're Derek Hale and I'm..." He paused when he saw the disapproving look on Derek's face, "You know what? Nevermind" Stiles shook his head. 

"Who's your alpha?" Noah asked then. 

"Derek. Why?" Stiles answered easily. 

"What?" Scott snapped.

"Oh, no offense, Scotty," Stiles gave his friend a guilty look.

"No offense? Really?" Scott was clearly angry.

"Oops," Noah glanced at Derek, "I was curious."

Stiles sighed. He had honestly forgotten Scott was even an alpha. He hadn't thought of him as his alpha in years. 

"How can you claim him after he left?" Scott scoffed at his best friend.

"We put that behind us," Stiles shrugged trying not to make a big deal of it.

"If you're not dating him, why the hell are you claiming him? I'm the one that's always there for you," Scott snapped. This was obviously a big deal to him.

"Look, Scott, I barely see you. Hell, there's an alpha at the local bar I hit that I see more than you," Stiles tried to play it off like a joke, but Scott didn't find it funny.

"You're the one who never comes home," Scott said defensively.

"Yes, you're right, I've only visited once a year for the past five. I mean, you guys have come to visit me a grand total of once the entire time I've been in Seattle, but yes I don't visit enough," Stiles snapped. He gripped his fork harshly. He was already upset at Scott for trying to convince Derek to leave him.

"Stiles is right, Scott. You don't really have claim," Lydia chimed in.

"But Derek does?" Scott spat the other alpha's name.

It surprised Derek. He never expected Scott to be so possessive.

"Yes," Stiles answered in place of the red head, "We've done a lot of talking. He's helped me through some things." 

"Like what? Allison's death?" Scott sneered, "News flash that was five years ago."

And that was the line. 

Stiles stiffened.

Lydia's head snapped towards Scott, Malia's eyes widened at her alpha.

Derek stood up then, "Okay, that's enough," He growled in a warning tone that would have made any other werewolf back down. But this wasn't just any other werewolf. This was Scott.

Scott stood up facing Derek, his stance defensive.

"What are you doing, Scott?" Malia tugged on his hand, trying to get him to sit down. 

"What is your problem?" Lydia hissed.

"My problem is Derek thinking he can catwalk back into Stiles' life like he didn't bail on all of us," Scott snapped.

Noah sat silently. He had clearly started this and he felt bad.

"You think he made it easy on me? I know I screwed up. I had to earn the spot I'm at with him and I'm sorry you don't like it, but if you cared at all then you'd respect his decision," Derek spoke firmly, but tried to keep his stance from being too threatening. Scott was an alpha and this was his territory, though he'd never known Scott to be territorial. The politics allowed for Scott to throw Derek out if he wanted to and he was pretty sure Scott wanted to.

"You've been back in his life what? Three days?" Scott sneered, his hands in fists at his side.

"A few weeks actually," Stiles spoke up then, "Would you two please sit and stop acting like you're gonna bring out the claws."

"Weeks? Why didn't you say something?" Scott turned to Stiles.

Derek took a seat per Stiles' request. He'd upset Stiles once today, he didn't want to do it again.

"Because I talk to you once every couple of months, Scott," Stiles' tone was annoyed. He was tired of this. This is exactly the kind of thing Jeremy was talking about. He got in Stiles' head and made him start doubting his decisions and questioning his motives for things. He promised Jeremy he wouldn't do that.

"So that's all it takes? A few weeks to undo the abandonment? What about our years of friendship? Does that not count for anything?" Scott threw his hands up.

"Oh stop making it out like I'm some poor orphan. You only had to deal with me for a couple weeks before I went to the academy. Besides, it's a lot more complicated than him just showing back up," Stiles rolled his eyes. 

"Well, please, explain," Scott waved a hand for Stiles to continue.

"I don't owe you an explanation, Scott," Stiles didn't know why Scott was being this way. He wasn't the jealous type, not normally anyway.

"You know what, you're right, I should go," Scott turned and stalked out the door, being sure to slam it behind him.

"I am so sorry, I don't know what that was about," Malia apologized.

"Guilt," Lydia mumbled as she picked at her chicken.

"It doesn't matter. I'm done for the night. Thanks for dinner," Stiles excused himself and made his way up the stairs.

"Don't hurt him." Stiles heard Lydia say before he was out of earshot. Little did she know, he was already hurting. 


	26. Not like this

Derek's jaw was clenched as he watched Stiles head up the stairs.

"Don't hurt him," Lydia said, standing then.

Derek only frowned.

"You may not be dating, but you love him, I can smell it on you," Malia added following the red head to the door.

Derek let out a huff as they disappeared out of the house.

"Are they right? Do you love him?" Noah asked. He was watching Derek with curious eyes.

The alpha opened his mouth to lie but Noah cut in again.

"You don't have to tell me, just know that you two deserve each other. I always thought so. You understand him and you don't push him. He's always been pretty guarded, but you get that. If you really do love him, please tell him. You both deserve to be happy," The sheriff stood then to start clearing the table.

"I do," Derek whispered, his eyes staring down at his plate.

Noah's brows rose in surprise at Derek's confession.

"But it's one sided and that's okay. I'll always be here for Stiles, no matter how he feels about me," Derek reached for one of the other plates to help clear the table when Noah's hand caught his.

"He's just afraid of getting too close. I know he struggles with everything that's happened. I can see it. He's definitely not the mess he was when he went to the academy, but I know he's not the same person he was before. No matter how long ago it was, that doesn't just go away. He doesn't want me to worry, I know that's what it is. That's why I'm glad you ended up back in his life. Don't listen to Scott, he just feels bad because Stiles has pulled away so much and he let it happen. Now your back and...well he's just protective of Stiles," Noah shrugged before taking the rest of the dishes to the sink.

"I'm gonna go check on Stiles," Derek said then, he didn't know how to respond to what Noah said without outing Stiles further.

"Hey, let's keep this conversation between us. I don't want Stiles to know that I can see through him. He doesn't need to worry about me. And I won't tell him how you feel. It's not my place anyway, deal?" A sad smile was fixed on Noah's face.

Derek nodded, "Deal."

-

Stiles laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't even think about the repercussions of bringing Derek home with him. He definitely didn't think Scott would react the way he had. He couldn't imagine how everyone would have reacted if he really had been dating Derek. 

"Stiles?" Derek poked his head in the crack of his partially open door.

"Hey, Der," Stiles gave a sad smile.

Derek paused at the nickname. Stiles had never called him that before. He cleared his throat before stepping into the room.

"Are you alright?" Derek couldn't tell if Stiles was in the mood to talk. He seemed awfully calm considering what had just happened.

"I mean..." Stiles sighed, sitting up, "I could really use a distraction."

Derek frowned slightly. That wasn't a good sign.

"Don't suppose you'd be up for going to get a drink with me, would you?" Stiles asked, looking at the time.

"Will that really help?" Derek hated that Stiles was in a place where he needed a distraction.

"Honestly, not for long. But I need something to take my mind off of things. I need to get out of this town. I need to know my job is secured, I need..." Stiles ran a hand over his face, trialing off.

"We leave in the morning, why don't you go down and have a drink with your dad, I know you miss him," Derek wanted to be there for Stiles, but he also didn't want to watch Stiles drink himself stupid.

"I can't be around him right now," Stiles sighed. 

Derek could smell the guilt on him. He considered for a moment, telling Stiles that his dad didn't believe his 'I'm fine' charade, but he'd promised not to.

"Can I ask you something?" Stiles spoke up again.

"Of course," Derek nodded taking a seat next to Stiles on his bed.

"Earlier, when I asked you what you wanted to do...you kissed me."

Derek's heart leapt with panic.

"I know you were only trying to distract me so..." Stiles trailed off again.

Derek's panic turned to confusion. Before he could question him, Stiles' mouth was on his.

The fullness of Stiles' lips was always mesmerizing. Derek leaned in, allowing his hands to cup the side of Stiles' face. 

It was his way of giving Stiles permission to keep going.

Stiles opened his mouth letting his tongue slide into Derek's. He pushed Derek back onto the bed, his body now hovering over the alpha's.

Derek moaned into the kiss, his hands, falling to Stiles' hips.

"Really? You're gonna use him as a distraction?" Allison's voice popped into Stiles' head, "And here I thought he meant more to you than that. But go ahead, sleep with him, that surely won't push him away."

Stiles fought to ignore the voice, concentrating instead on the feel of Derek's hands on him.

"You're gonna sleep with the man you love as a distraction from your little problems, in your childhood bedroom no less. Classy."

She was right. Stiles pulled away from Derek then, "Not here. Not like this," Stiles climbed off of Derek. 

"Not like this?" Derek questioned. What did that mean? Had he done something wrong?

"You're right. I'm gonna go have a drink with my dad. You're welcome to join us."

"No, you should spend some time alone," Derek shook his head.

"Okay. Also, I'm sorry," with that, Stiles disappeared.

Derek let out a huff, he'd almost been Stiles' distraction. But is that really what he wanted? Is that really how he wanted to be with Stiles? As just a distraction? The ache in his pants told him he wanted Stiles in any way he could get him, but he knew that he'd regret it after. Stiles was more to him than just a simple lay. 

He sat up and headed for the bathroom, he needed to relieve some tension, maybe it would help clear his mind.

Stiles stepped into the living room where his dad was watching some baseball movie. 

"Hey, dad, how would you like to have a drink with me," Stiles offered with a nervous smile.

The way his dad's face lit up told Stiles that Derek had been right. To think he'd almost slept with him, just as a distraction, the shame he felt wouldn't have rivaled the regret he'd have felt after. For once he was thankful for Allison' voice in his head.


	27. How do you know him?

Stiles and Derek pulled up to Stiles' apartment building. They'd left early that morning to head back home. Stiles had been glad to get out of Beacon Hills. They'd spent the majority of the ride home in silence which Stiles was thankful for. He needed peace and quiet to recoup.

Stiles' climbed out of Derek's car when he saw Jeremy outside waiting for him.

"Hey, Jer, what are you doing here?" Stiles smiled at his partner. 

"I just wanted to see how things went. I know yesterday you were stressed cause Scott and co. showed up for dinner unannounced. I know how stressed you are when you get back from Beacon Hills." Jeremy answered, putting a hand on Stiles' shoulder.

Derek suddenly got a whiff of another werewolf and blood.

Derek grabbed Jeremy's wrist, wrenching it from Stiles' shoulder. 

"Derek," Stiles snapped. He frowned when he saw the murderous look in Derek's eyes.

"Who were you with last?" Derek growled pulling back Jeremy's sleeve to reveal what looked to be somewhat fresh claw marks.

"Jeremy, what happened?" Stiles grabbed Derek's hand which was still holding Jeremy's wrist. 

"How'd you know that was there?" Jeremy demanded, his other hand twitching to reach for the gun on his hip.

"Answer me," Derek growled, he was trying to hold back his wolf.

"Just someone I know from home," Jeremy answered, snatching his hand away.

"You said he didn't know," Derek turned to Stiles then. Why would Stiles lie to him?

"Know what?" Jeremy asked before Stiles could respond.

"Where is he?" Derek demanded, turning back to Jeremy with the same dark look as before.

"What are you-"

"Klaus, where is he?" Derek snapped again. He was losing his patience.

"How do you know him?" Jeremy took a step back. 

"How do you know him?" Derek countered. He didn't want Stiles mixed up with Klaus.

"He dated my sister's best friend," Jeremy answered simply. He refused to give too much away.

"Caroline?" Derek frowned.

"Okay, does somebody want to clue me in?" Stiles snapped, stepping in between Derek and Jeremy.

"I ran into someone from Mystic Falls, Klaus Mikaelson, whom Derek apparently knows," Jeremy's tone was accusing.

"Wait, Mikaelson? Gorgeous? British accent? Charming?" Stiles asked, looking between the other two.

"How do you know him?" Derek snapped angrily. He didn't like Stiles describing Klaus that way. 

"I ran into him one night at the bar. He was...one of my distractions," Stiles answered, dropping his eyes slightly.

"You slept with him?" Jeremy and Derek chorused in horror.

"What's the big deal?" 

Jeremy scoffed, "He's not a good guy he's...he's..." 

"Dangerous," Derek added.

"Dangerous? How?" Stiles frowned at the pair. Klaus had been sweet and passionate. 

"Like me," Derek growled.

"Oh," Stiles waved a dismissive hand, "so what?" He headed towards the door of his apartment building. 

"Stiles, he's like me but worse," Derek huffed following after the human. 

"So what, he's dangerous like Peter? I can handle Peter," Stiles smirked. 

Derek growled again. He remembered well how Peter acted around Stiles. He wasn't a fan. 

"Stiles, you don't understand, he's worse than Peter, hell he's worse than Deucalion," Derek needed Stiles to understand how serious this was.

"How do you know?" Stiles asked stepping into the elevator. Derek and Jeremy were on his heels. 

"Because I've had a run in with him before," Derek answered vaguely. He didn't know how much Jeremy knew and he now trusted him less. 

"Where?" 

"New Orleans. I lived there for a while several months back."

"How'd you know him?" Stiles asked looking over at Jeremy.

"He dated my sisters best friend."

"And he did that to your wrist?" Stiles gestured to where Jeremy had pulled his sleeve back down.

"He has a tendency of getting hostile," Jeremy responded.

"About what?" Stiles pressed. The elevator doors opened then, allowing the three men off.

"It's a long story," Jeremy shook his head. 

Stiles unlocked the door and stepped inside. 

"Give us a minute, will you?" Derek asked, before closing Stiles inside.

"Seriously?" Stiles' voice huffed from the other side of the door.

"Why is he here?" Derek demanded, his eyes boring into Jeremy's.

"You said he's like you. What are you?" Jeremy asked accusingly. 

"What do you think I am?" Derek refused to give Jeremy anything until he knew he could be trusted. 

Jeremy glanced at his wrist where Derek had known about his wound.

"Show me your eyes."

Derek narrowed his eyes before hesitantly flashing their alpha red color.

"Werewolf," Jeremy nodded, "And he knows?" He nodded towards the door where Stiles was on the other side.

"Yes, now tell me what Klaus was doing here," Derek demanded. 

"He thought I was here to hurt Stiles. Apparently he came back to check in on him but found me instead. I assured him Stiles was safe. He wanted to know if anyone else had been by looking for him. When I questioned it he said someone caught wind of a 'human weakness in seattle' he wanted to make sure no one got to him."

A low growl sounded in Derek's throat. Stiles was potentially in danger.

"And you weren't going to tell him?" Derek snapped. 

"I didn't know how. I don't typically tell people that I used to hang out with vampires and that my best friend is a werewolf," Jeremy snapped back. "Besides Klaus made it very clear that he wasn't going to let anyone near Stiles." Jeremy held up his wrist for emphasis. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, "You guys know I can hear you right?" Stiles asked.

Derek let out an annoyed huff before opening the door, "You weren't supposed to be listening," he growled. 

"So you're best friend is a werewolf too?" Stiles asked looking at Jeremy. 

"Tyler is," Jeremy nodded.

"Wow, to think you knew all along," Stiles huffed a laugh. 

"You don't seem concerned about the current possible threat," Jeremy pointed out.

"Trust me, the only real threat around here is my sanity," Stiles rolled his eyes. 

Derek clenched his jaw. Stiles was far too comfortable being so submerged in the supernatural. It shouldn't be this way.

"Wait, are you supernatural?" Stiles asked looking at Jeremy with a frown. 

"I'm a hunter. Or I was. I left Mystic Falls for the academy and never looked back," Jeremy shrugged.

Derek tensed at the term, hunter.

"Vampires exclusively, don't worry," Jeremy assured Derek.

Stiles reached out and touched his arm gently, ,"Der, you can trust him completely. I promise."

There is was again, that nickname. 

Stiles' touch relaxed Derek. He liked how much calmer being back in Seattle made the human. 

"You seem to be doing pretty good considering you spent several days at home," Jeremy glanced between Stiles and Derek.

"Derek being there helped a good bit," Stiles shrugged, "But I'm definitely glad to be back. Any news at the station?"

"Nothing," Jeremy shook his head.

"I'll call the captain tomorrow and see when he wants me to go to the range."

"You ready?" Jeremy asked gently. He didn't want to make Stiles think he doubted him, but he was concerned. If he messed it up, he'd lose his partner and Stiles would lose his job. That was something neither of them wanted.

"Yeah, I think so," Stiles nodded with confidence.

Jeremy gave Derek a grateful look. He knew that it was because of Derek that Stiles survived the trip home and while he was wary of the man now that he knew he was a werewolf; he couldn't deny that he was good for Stiles.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I didn't know where I wanted to go with the story and ended up rewriting the chapter a couple times...let me know what you think!


	28. Klaus

Stiles had just reached the driver's side door of his jeep when Derek's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Stiles, hold on," Derek jogged over to the human.

"Hey, Derek, what's wrong?" Stiles frowned. He and Derek hadn't planned to see each other until dinner. He'd gotten up early to get in some practice at the range.

"I just wanted to see you before you met up with your captain," Derek reached out, putting his hand on Stiles' arm.

Stiles knew Derek could hear the way his heart sped under his touch.

"Remember what we talked about. If you see her..."

"She'd be proud of me for fighting and she would never talk down to me," Stiles finished.

"Right. And if you start to have a panic attack?"

"Grounding method. Sights, sounds, smells and touch."

"If I could, I'd be right there next to you," Derek's thumb glided along Stiles' skin gently, comforting the human.

"Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you," Stiles dropped his eyes, as if in shame.

Derek cupped his chin and lifted, "Hey, you'll never have to find out."

Stiles smiled.

Derek had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss Stiles. The temptation was almost too much. He released the human and took a step back. 

"I'll see you tonight?" Stiles asked going for the driver's side door.

"Seven sharp," Derek gave a curt nod. He watched as Stiles climbed into his jeep and took off down the road.

He had considered talking to Jeremy about confessing his feelings to Stiles. He was hopeful that Stiles felt the same way. The way his heart raced when Derek would touch him was a good sign, but it could have just been the comfort he provided.

He pulled out his phone to call Jeremy but a sharp pain on the back of his head interrupted him.

-

Derek woke to find himself hung by his wrists. The heavy metal dug into his skin harshly.

"Good, you're awake. I was bored," A voice Derek recognized at Rebecca Mikaelson, spoke.

Derek blinked trying to make out the blonde in front of him. They were in a formal dining room by the looks of it.

"You left New Orleans in such a hurry, I never got to say goodbye," Rebecca was wearing her usual pout.

"Is that what this is about?" Derek asked tugging on the chains to test their strength. He could probably muster up enough to break free but not before Rebecca could get to him.

"Don't flatter yourself, she's already moved on to her next toy," Klaus' voice spoke up then as he stepped into the room.

"Can I go now?" Rebecca crossed her arms in a huff.

"Yes, yes go on," Klaus waved his sister away.

"Sorry about the unpleasantries, but well it's better than the alternative," Klaus grinned maliciously.

"Alternative?" Derek asked though he doubted he wanted to know.

"Well I'd considered letting you bleed out, but I couldn't get answers from you that way."

"Answers, what are you talking about?" Derek really preferred to have this conversation in a more comfortable position but breaking free would only result in something worse, so he stayed put.

"I want to know who told you about him," Klaus spoke simply. 

His calm demeanor did nothing to stave off Derek's worry.

"Who?" 

"Don't play games with me," Klaus warned, taking a step towards Derek.

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about," Derek shifted, causing the chains to rattle unpleasantly.

"Stiles. Who told you about Stiles?" Klaus barked, his hand gripping at Derek's throat now.

"No one. I knew him from before," Derek answered in a strangled tone.

"Don't lie to me," Klaus squeezed harder.

"I'm not, you can ask him," Derek fought for oxygen as Klaus continued to crush his throat.

Finally, Klaus released him, sending Derek into a coughing fit.

"So what you found out I knew him too and decided to kill him? Use him as bait to lure me into some trap? What? What was your plan?" Klaus demanded angrily, his voice rising into a shout.

"What? No," Derek shook his head.

Klaus jabbed a nearby fire poker through Derek's stomach.

Derek let out a cry, "He's my friend, he was part of my old pack in Beacon Hills," Derek grit his teeth at the pain as he spoke.

"You always hated me. How can I trust you?" Klaus scoffed yanking the poker out.

"I didn't hate you. You hated me cause I was with your sister," Derek pointed out. He squeezed his eyes closed as his body attempted to heal the wound.

"If you're not the one threatening him, then who is?" Klaus grabbed a nearby chair and threw it into the wall.

"I don't know," Derek growled impatiently. 

"Rebecca said you still drink vervain," Klaus was gripping another chair, "She had a taste."

Derek wanted to reach for his neck, but the chains kept him in place. He knew the mark would have healed by now anyway.

"What do you say I bleed you like I originally planned," Klaus reached for a knife on the nearby table.

"No, wait, you can ask him. I promise it's not me you're looking for. I don't know of anyone who's been looking for him. I've been with him every day for the past few. We were in Beacon Hills for the last three days. You can ask Jeremy," Derek was desperate for Klaus to believe him.

"If I thought you could defend him for even a moment, that would comfort me," Klaus sneered. He dropped the knife back on the table with a clatter.

"Look, call him, let him know-"

"No. I don't trust my phone. In fact, I don't trust anyone but myself," Klaus snarled, he looked like he wanted to hurt someone. The only person in the room with him was Derek, that didn't bode well.

"Not even me, brother?" Elijah asked walking in then.

"Elijah, how good of you to join. You remember Derek, right?" Klaus gestured to where Derek was still hanging from the large ceiling.

"You've gotten blood on the floor again," Elijah sighed, pulling out a white handkerchief from his jacket pocket. He gently wiped at the blood spots that littered the hard wood floors.

"I was just trying to gather information on who is threatening Stiles."

"I can tell you it wasn't Derek. According to Marcel, another note arrived today. The person has found someone else to threaten, it appears. They think since you didn't bother to take Stiles back to New Orleans he's not worth the time. They've moved on to threatening someone more dear to you," Elijah stood then, and unlocked Derek's chains.

He slumped to the ground painfully.

"Who?" Klaus bellowed, taking an angry step towards where his brother was helping Derek off the floor.

"Cami."

Klaus' eyes darkened, "There's only one person who knows about her that would threaten her."

"Finn," Elijah sighed.

"Your brother? I saw him a few days back. Just after I got into town," Derek panted, holding his middle where Klaus had stabbed him.

"He's working with mother again," Klaus growled. He turned his attention to Derek. "You're going to take me to the place you saw him. I want to know everyone he spoke to."

-

Stiles checked his phone once again. It was almost eight and Derek still hadn't shown up. He'd called and text but there was no answer. A fear gripped him as Allison's voice sounded in his head.

"He left, just accept it, you're going to be alone forever."

He was so stupid to have trusted Derek again. When would he learn? Stiles fought the tears as he dialed Jeremy's number.


	29. Stop with the distractions

When Jeremy reached the lobby of Stiles' apartment building, the last thing he expected to see was Derek rushing in, covered in blood.

"Whoa, whoa," Jeremy caught Derek as he brushed by him.

"Is Stiles here?" Derek asked desperately.

"What the hell happened to you?" Jeremy wanted to be mad, wanted to rip into Derek for hurting Stiles again. But Jeremy had a sneaking suspicion that Derek might have a good reason.

"Klaus happened to me, now please tell me Stiles is here," Derek's expression looked pained and Jeremy knew that he felt guilty for standing Stiles up.

"He's here. He's in a rough spot though. He thinks you left," Jeremy gave Derek a sympathetic look.

The expression that crossed Derek's face told Jeremy that was what Derek had been afraid of.

Derek reached for the elevator door.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jeremy's hand was still clasped around Derek's forearm.

"Yeah, and don't worry, Klaus found his guy, he won't be a problem anymore," With that Derek pulled from Jeremy's grip and stepped into the elevator.

 

Derek knocked on Stiles' door with his apology already ready to go.

The door opened to see a teary eyed Stiles, "Jeremy, I told you I'm fine- Derek?"

"Stiles, I'm so sorry I-"

"Oh my god, are you okay? Is that your blood?" Stiles reached for Derek's blood stained shirt.

"Yeah, but I'm okay. I'm so sorry I missed dinner. Klaus found me and-"

"Klaus? Klaus did this to you?" Stiles gaped at the werewolf, pulling him inside.

"I would have called but I lost my phone when he got the jump on me. I'm so sorry," Derek continued.

Stiles' hands lifted Derek's shirt to see the wound was already healed.

"Hey, I'm okay," Derek said grabbing Stiles' wrists gently.

Stiles looked up at Derek with those whiskey brown eyes, "I thought you left again." Stiles dropped his head as he pulled his hands away.

"Stiles, I'm so sorry. I promise, I'm not going anywhere," Derek stepped forward, lifting Stiles' chin. "I wanna hear what happened at the range. How'd it go with the Captain?" 

Stiles' lips curled into a small smile, "He's reinstating me first thing Monday."

"Stiles, that's amazing," Derek scooped Stiles into a hug, lifting the human slightly.

Stiles let out a laugh, "Yeah, I was excited. Jeremy's glad to have me back."

Derek set Stiles down and pulled back, looking into his eyes, "Did you see her?" 

Stiles shook his head, "No. I only heard your voice telling me that I could do it. I remembered how you pretended not to know how to shoot and I remembered how confident I felt teaching you, then I applied it to the moment." 

"I'm so proud of you, Stiles," Derek smiled fondly down at the human. 

"I couldn't have done it without you," Stiles dropped his eyes in embarrassment as he closed the still open door.

It was then Derek noticed the jacket and keys on the side table next to the door.

"Were you going out?" Derek asked with a frown.

"Oh, uh...I was just gonna head to the bar for a bit," Stiles shrugged.

Derek's shoulder's tensed. He knew what that meant.

"You need a distraction."

It wasn't posed as a question.

"I thought you left and...yeah," Stiles bowed his head in shame.

Derek crowded into Stiles' space then, "Do me a favor," his words were quiet and desperate.

"Hmm?" Stiles frowned at the alpha.

"Please stop with the distractions."

Stiles bit down on his lower lip, "I didn't know it was such a big deal to you."

"It is," Derek admitted. His eyes dropped to Stiles' mouth.

"I'm sure it wasn't easy to hear that I'd been with Klaus," Stiles nodded, stepping past Derek to put away his keys and jacket.

Derek's hands clenched. He'd forgotten about that.

"I don't like the idea that you're with another wolf," Derek growled out.

"I guess as my alpha it would be stressful," Stiles nodded. He avoided eye contact with Derek.

"I have to say though, werewolves are more fun in bed," Stiles smirked.

Derek clenched his jaw then, "It's dangerous, Stiles," he growled again. Just imagining Stiles with anyone else was hard enough but imagining him with another werewolf drove Derek's wolf crazy.

"That's part of what makes it so fun," Stiles chuckled slightly.

"Promise me you'll stop with the distractions," Derek fought to keep his composure.

"I promise," Stiles nodded. 

"I uh, I actually wanted to apologize..." Stiles trailed off, his eyes falling to the floor.

"For?"

"The other night, when I almost used you as a distraction. That wasn't fair."

Derek lifted Stiles' chin, "I would have let you if that's what you needed."

Stiles opened his mouth to say that he didn't need to sleep with Derek, but he absolutely wanted to. But how could he tell Derek that without scaring him off?

"No. You mean more to me than some one night stand," Stiles shook his head, pulling away from Derek.

"Are you saying I mean more to you than Klaus?" Derek teased gently.

Stiles laughed, "Man you're really jealous of him, aren't you?" 

"He seemed awfully fond of you," Derek shrugged.

"Didn't you say he was dangerous?" Stiles raised a curious brow as he gestured to the bloody shirt Derek was still wearing.

"He did this to me because of you."

Stiles' face fell.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I just mean, he thought I was here to hurt you. This was his way of finding out," Derek held out his shirt by the hem.

"You never did tell me how you knew him, exactly." Stiles went to the small closet in the hallway where the washer and dryer was tucked and pulled out a plain white tee of his.

"I slept with his sister. He didn't like it," Derek shrugged.

Stiles faltered, "Oh." 

"He thought I was the one threatening your life," Derek continued.

"Am I in danger?" Stiles asked then, handing the clean shirt out to Derek.

Derek peeled off the bloody one he was wearing, "No, he found out who it was threatening you and learned that he was now threatening someone closer to him. Besides, I'd never let anything happen to you."

Stiles smiled bashfully as Derek pulled on the shirt that was slightly smaller than his regular size.

"This brings back memories," Derek chuckled as he examined the way he filled out the shirt.

Stiles laughed as he recalled the time Derek had tried to find a shirt of Stiles' that fit him, back in highschool.

"That was a long time ago," Stiles shook his head.

"Your shirts fit a little better now, but only slightly," Derek smirked teasingly.

"Are you staying tonight? Cause if so, you can just take the shirt off," Stiles shrugged, trying to hide the blush in his cheeks.

"I'd like to, you know, just to be sure Klaus wasn't wrong about the threat being over," Derek gauged Stiles' reaction. He couldn't decide if Stiles wanted him to stay or not. 

"Is that the only reason?" Stiles asked with a tilt of his head. He so badly wanted Derek to stay because he wanted to. 

"I'll be honest, my wolf has gotten used to having you close every night. Call it a pack thing," Derek shrugged.

"We can totally blame it on the pack thing, keep me from embarrassing myself with the need to not be alone," Stiles slipped his hand into Derek's and led him to the bedroom. To think only hours before he'd thought Derek had left him again. His world had literally crumbled around him. He'd put on a decent front for Jeremy after the initial freak out, claiming he'd been expecting it, but truth was, he'd trusted Derek to not leave and it had shocked him when Derek didn't show. He was more than thankful to find out he had been wrong. Derek showing up at his door was like an answered prayer. He'd had to fight the urge to kiss the alpha. Stiles knew that he was in too deep. He was in love with Derek, more so than before. He was sure Derek wouldn't take it well, so he had to keep it in check. He couldn't risk pushing Derek away, not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, there's only gonna be a couple more chapters. I hope you like it!


	30. More than just a one night stand

Derek followed Stiles to his room, "You know, I could really use a shower, actually."

"I'll get you a towel," Stiles released Derek hand to fetch Derek what he needed.

After getting Derek situated, Stiles left Derek to shower. Knowing that Derek was naked and wet in his bathroom was driving him crazy. He thought about when Derek had told him he'd have let Stiles use him as a distraction. He wondered what it would be like to sleep with Derek. Would he be passionate? Rough? Would he worry about hurting Stiles? 

Stiles knew it was a terrible idea. It would only make fighting his feelings for the alpha harder. He was pretty good about keeping sex causal when it was with someone he didn't know, but he couldn't afford to get more attached to Derek. It was bad enough Derek was staying the night again. How long would this go on? How long before he ran out of reasons to ask Derek to stay? His hallucinations were getting better. He knew there was always a chance of them popping up, but could he really claim to need Derek there at night in another month or week? How long before Derek didn't want to stay anymore? How long before Derek met someone? How long before his feelings became obvious? Panic started to well in him.

"If you ruin this, you'll hate yourself forever," His own voice sounded in his head. At least it wasn't Allison this time. 

The sound of the shower cutting off alerted Stiles. He needed to reel himself in, he couldn't let Derek smell his emotions like this.

The alpha stepped out of the shower still damp, with the towel tied around his waist.

"I realized I don't have any clothes here."

Stiles' mouth fell open slightly at the sight of Derek half naked and damp. 

Derek tensed slightly as the subtle smell of Stiles' attraction reached him. 

"You can uh...wear some of mine," Stiles stood then, dragging his eyes away from Derek. 

The memory of his night with Klaus filled his head. The way Klaus bit his neck. He wondered if Derek was a biter. He knew he'd never use his fangs because of the risks but his regular teeth wouldn't hurt him.

"Stiles," Derek spoke through clenched teeth. He could smell the arousal growing as Stiles pulled out a pair of boxers.

"Sorry," Stiles knew Derek would smell it on him, but he couldn't help it.

Derek caught Stiles' wrist as he held out the clothing.

Stiles, who had been avoiding looking at Derek, met his eyes.

"What did you mean the other night, when you said, 'not like this'?" 

Stiles swallowed hard. He hadn't realized he'd said that.

"I told you earlier, you mean more to me than just some one-night stand," Stiles gave a shrug. It was a weak explanation, but he couldn't tell Derek that he if he ever slept with Derek, he wanted it to be because they both cared about each other in the same way, not just because they were both willing.

"What if it was more than just once?" Derek watched Stiles face for any clue as to how Stiles might feel about the proposition Derek was offering.

"You mean like it being a regular thing?" Stiles frowned.

Derek only nodded.

Stiles shook his head quickly, and pulled out of Derek's grip, "I told you before, I've seen enough movies to know how the friends with benefits thing ends. I won't lose you. Not like that." 

"You know those movies usually end with the two falling for each other, right?" Derek smirked.

"You and I both know that's not how it would end for us," Stiles gave a sad smile, before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Derek's shoulders dropped. Maybe he'd read too much into Stiles' reaction to him. He'd hoped that had been a sign there was more there. He never got the chance to talk to Jeremy about telling Stiles how he felt. Maybe he could do that tomorrow.

-

Derek sat anxiously at the back of the coffee shop where he'd first met Jeremy. The ex-hunter had agreed to meet up with him. Stiles was at the gym which gave Derek time to meet with Jeremy in private.

"You look nervous, what did you do?" Jeremy asked with a smirk as he approached.

Derek snorted a laugh, "It's not what I did, it's what I'm going to do."

Jeremy's smile disappeared instantly, "What are you talking about?" He took a seat across from Derek, watching the alpha intently.

Derek's eyes dropped to the coffee already in front of him. He'd arrived early to get rid of the nerves.

"Derek?" Jeremy's tone was anxious.

"You told me that I shouldn't tell Stiles about my feelings for him. That if I truly loved him, I should let him heal," Derek's eyes remained on his coffee cup.

"You're gonna tell him," Jeremy guessed, leaning back in his seat.

"I don't know," Derek shook his head, "I want to. I almost did, last night. But then he said something that made me rethink it."

Jeremy frowned. 

"You're familiar with his method of distraction?" Derek asked, derailing the conversation slightly.

Jeremy nodded with a sigh.

"There was a moment while in Beacon Hills where I was almost a distraction for him."

"Oh no," Jeremy groaned. 

"Stiles stopped before it got too far. He told me I meant more to him than just a one-night stand," Derek's hands gripped his cup harder. "But last night I showered at his place and...I could smell the arousal on him. I had suggested before that instead of his many one-night stands, he have a friend with benefits. He turned it down claiming he couldn't afford to get attached to anyone. Last night, I suggested it again..."

"You didn't," Jeremy looked at Derek with wide eyes.

"He said he saw enough movies to know how it ended and he couldn't lose me like that. I told him that those movies usually ended with the couple getting together but he said ours wouldn't end like that," Derek closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

"You think that was him saying he didn't feel the same way," Jeremy nodded knowingly.

"You know him better than anyone, am I grasping at straws here?" Derek looked up, his eyes meeting the ex-hunter's.

Jeremy huffed out a sigh as he waved over the waitress. He ordered a coffee and turned back to the werewolf across from him.

"Derek, you have to understand that Stiles is a very guarded person."

Derek nodded. He knew that well. He always had been.

"And you're a flight risk to him. Whether he feels the same way or not, doesn't really matter. He's too afraid to lose you. If he lets himself love you the way you want him to, he stands to get hurt worse than he ever has. He's terrified. You should have seen him last night. He was a wreck because he thought you left again. He was worried that you took what Scott said to heart."

"He told you about that?" Derek dropped his eyes in shame.

"Yeah, and I get it. Scott is...he doesn't get Stiles, not anymore. He thinks he knows what's best, but he really has no clue. You do, and you have to trust that instinct. The one that says to stick around no matter how dangerous you think it might be, or how much you think Stiles deserves a normal life. He deserves to be happy and you make him happy. That's why you're still here, not because of your feelings for him, or because he's your pack, but because he needs you and wants you here. You're a werewolf. You have built in senses that let you know if what your doing is right. When you left Beacon Hills, you knew it didn't feel right, didn't you?"

Derek closed his eyes with a flinch.

"See? And you ended up back here at the same bar as Stiles. You're meant to be a part of his life and you know that. And deep down you know if you should tell him how you feel. I didn't want you to tell him before because I wanted him to trust you again. I wanted him to want you back in his life for him, not for you."

"I'm afraid to push him away if I tell him," Derek glanced up at Jeremy.

"You have to decide if that's a risk worth taking," Jeremy gave Derek a sympathetic look.

"If he doesn't feel the same way, I'll gladly take these feelings with me to my grave if it means I don't lose him."

"But..." Jeremy urged Derek to continue.

"But my life is so full of regrets. I don't want this to be another one. I don't know if I could sit by and watch him love someone else. I'll never leave him, but I can't do it. Just listening to him talking about being with other people much less other wolves..." Derek trailed off, running a hand over his face.

"I'm not sure I know what you're wanting from me," Jeremy frowned. He had half expected Derek to ask for his permission.

"You know him, you know if he'd push me away, you know if he feels the same..." Derek looked at Jeremy hopefully. Begging him to tell him what to do.

"I can't tell you what to do, Derek. And it's not my place to say if he feels the same way or not. All I know is that, there are few things in this world that could make Stiles push you away and all of them involve you hurting him. Tell him wouldn't make him push you away. The worst it would do is make things awkward for a while."

Derek sighed down at his coffee. This hadn't been nearly as helpful as Derek had hoped.

"Do you think I'm good for him?" Derek asked then, his eyes meeting Jeremy's once again.

"Are you asking for me approval?" Jeremy laughed.

"You're the most important person in his life other than his dad and I already got his approval," Derek chuckled.

Jeremy looked thoughtful for a moment, "I don't think anyone would be able to be there for Stiles the way you are even if they loved him just as much as you do."

"I'm gonna take that as a yes," Derek chuckled again.

Jeremy smiled, "I'd definitely feel better knowing he's not sleeping with the likes of Klaus Mikaelson."

Derek snorted, "You're telling me. I still can't get over it."

"And did you hear the way Stiles described him?" Jeremy scoffed. "Charming? Like has be met the guy?"

"Honestly, it makes my blood boil," Derek shook his head with another laugh.

"That's just the jealousy," Jeremy gave Derek a wink.

Derek smiled at the ex-hunter. He never imagined he'd get along with Jeremy the way he did. It was nice to not be at odds with someone in Stiles' life. He and Scott had never quite clicked, Malia didn't trust him, and he had a hard time trusting Lydia completely. But Jeremy was different and Derek appreciated that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left!


	31. Just in love with you

When Derek reached the restaurant, Stiles was outside waiting for him.

"Look who decided to show this time," Stiles winked, pushing himself off the side of the building, where he was leaning. 

Derek grinned.

"Glad you didn't get dognapped again, I was worried you ran into the local dog catcher."

"Ha, ha, very funny, Stiles," Derek rolled his eyes before opening the door for the human.

Once Derek and Stiles were seated, Derek shifted anxiously. He'd been trying to get the courage to tell Stiles how he felt all the way here.

"You alright?" Stiles asked with a frown. 

"Yeah, I'm good. How was your day?" Derek changed the subject quickly before Stiles could pry.

"It was alright. I had a bit of an issue earlier with..." Stiles trailed off.

"Oh?" Derek frowned slightly. "You didn't call me, did you? Cause I didn't get it," he pulled out his phone to check.

"No, no, I did what you told me to do. I told myself it wasn't something she would say and thought about what you would say in that moment. I took a couple deep breaths and distracted myself with something else. It was hard but I did it," Stiles smiled shyly.

"That's great," Derek reached out, putting his hand over Stiles'. He was beyond glad that Stiles was managing better but a part of him was disappointed that he hadn't needed Derek to help him. What if the only reason Stiles wanted him around was because he could help, but now...

"Hey, what's wrong?" Stiles frowned his hand slipping from under Derek's to hold it.

"Nothing, I'm just really happy to hear you're doing so much better handling it," Derek forced a smile, but Stiles saw that it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Derek pulled his hand away as Stiles went on to tell Derek that Scott had called to apologize for the other day.

Derek tried to pay attention but he was too concerned with if he should tell Stiles how he felt. 

After dinner, Derek walked Stiles to his door.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" Stiles asked as he reached his door. He turned to face the alpha, not bothering to unlock the door yet.

"Yeah," Derek nodded forcing another smile. 

"Are you sure cause all through dinner you were distant and you seem on edge," Stiles was frowning.

Derek opened his mouth to tell Stiles that he was in love with him but he paused.

"I'm okay, really," he lied. 

Another fake smile. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Derek asked as he took a step back. 

Stiles unlocked the door with a click before turning his head towards Derek again.

"You're leaving?"

The disappointment in his tone didn't go unnoticed by Derek.

"You don't really need me to, I mean earlier you did okay," Derek smiled taking another half step back. 

"Did I do something? Or say something?" Stiles frowned again.

"No, of course not," Derek shook his head.

Another half step.

"If I've done something, Derek, please tell me," Stiles took a step towards the alpha. His expression was worried and he smelled upset.

Derek's shoulders dropped, "It's not anything you did, I promise. I just..." Derek trailed off. He couldn't tell Stiles he was struggling with feelings for him. Well, he could but did he want to?

"Der, you know you can tell me anything," Stiles took another cautious step towards the werewolf.

Damn it, there was that nickname again. 

Suddenly the space between him and Stiles was gone. His hands had found Stiles' face and before he knew what he was doing, he was kissing him.

Stiles' hands reached up to grab Derek's wrists. 

Derek pulled back slightly out of breath. He leaned his forehead against Stiles and whispered loudly, "Goodnight Stiles." Before pulling away and hurrying down the hallway. 

Stiles stood gaping after the alpha. What the hell was that?

Stiles wanted to go after him but his feet wouldn't allow him to move. That was different than their previous kisses somehow, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Derek climbed into the Camaro but he didn't start it up. He sat in the cool silence and debated on going back upstairs. 

What's the worst that could happen? Stiles could turn him down in disgust and claim he never wanted to see Derek again. 

Derek shoved the key into the ignition but again didn't start it.

He could also admit that he felt something for Derek too though.

Derek closed his eyes as he gripped the steering wheel harshly. 

Stiles had finally forced himself inside and to the couch. He debated calling Derek to see what that had been about.

He pulled his phone out just as a knock sounded on his door.

He leapt to his feet, hoping it was Derek at the door.

When he pulled the door open he was immediately forced back inside. The door slamming behind him.

His face gripped tightly between two strong hands and his mouth pressed firmly to familiar lips.

"I'm sorry, Stiles," Derek apologized, breaking the kiss. Their mouths were only centimeters apart. 

"Why?" Stiles managed to ask, pulling back slightly so he could look onto Derek's eyes.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," Derek shook his head, his hands falling from Stiles' face. 

"What?" Stiles frowned in further confusion. 

"I-" Derek tried to form the words but they wouldn't come out.

"Der, what is it?" Stiles urged gently, his tone full of concern.

"That, that right there," Derek closed his eyes. 

"What? What did I do?" Stiles wanted to reach out for Derek but refrained. 

"You never used to call me that."

"Call you wh- oh," Fear washed over Stiles as he realized what's he'd said. "I'm sorry, I didn't even realize- I didn't know it bothered you. I won't do it aga-"

"No, it's okay. I like it," Derek shook his head. Stiles was misunderstanding him.

"Derek, you're scaring me. What's going on?" Stiles finally reached out, touching Derek's forearm gently. 

"I'm in love with you, Stiles," Derek blurted.

Stiles' mouth dropped, his brows rose and he released Derek, taking a step back. 

Panic filled Derek. He knew that look.

"I know that's a lot to take in and I'm sorry to burden you with that but I'm so crazy in love with you and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose you. Please don't push me away. I promise never to bring it up again I just needed you to know, especially now that you don't need me anymore," Derek rambled quickly. He took a step towards Stiles but Stiles took another step back. 

"This is obviously a trick. He knows about your feelings and he's testing you," Allison's voice taunted in the back of his mind. 

"Stiles, please say something," Derek begged. He looked terrified. 

It was then Stiles realized he hadn't said anything yet.

"Is this...a joke?" Stiles frowned.

"What? No," Derek frowned.

"He's just trying to get you in bed then, you heard him last night, friends with benefits," Allison piped up again. 

"Is this a poor attempt at getting me into bed?" 

Derek looked genuinely upset by that accusation, "Of course not, Stiles."

"You're just...in love with me," Stiles asked doubtfully. 

"No, I'm not just in love with you. I'm in love with your smile and your laugh. I love how strong you are and how hard you fight. I love that your smart and loyal. I love that you help people and you stand up for others. I love the way you say my name and the way your hand fits in mine. I love the way you smell and the feeling of you in my arms. I'm not just in love with you, Stiles. I'm crazy about you." 

Stiles didn't move. This felt like a dream. He was dreaming. This was a trick.

He immediately started to count his fingers. One. Two. Three. Four. 

Derek's hands suddenly enveloped his.

"This isn't a dream, Stiles," Derek smiled. 

Stiles looked up at Derek with wide eyes. 

"But it has to be. You can't possibly love me back." 

Derek's heart leapt at Stiles' words. 

"You- you love me?" Derek asked. He had to be sure. 

Stiles nodded. 

Derek's lips curved into a wide smile. "You don't know how happy that makes me." 

"You love me too?" Stiles still couldn't grasp the reality of the situation. He felt slightly dizzy.

Instead of answering Derek leaned forward his lips brushing over Stiles'.

"Holy shit," Stiles scoffed a disbelieving laugh. This was real. This was really happening.

Stiles wasted no time throwing his arms around Derek's neck and kissing him, hard.

Derek obliged happily. His hands holding onto Stiles like he might disappear.

"For the record, I'll always need you," Stiles spoke into the kiss.

"I'll always be here." Derek responded. 

There was nothing in the world that could take him away from Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm gonna do a an epilogue chapter, so one more. Haha hope that's okay!😊


	32. Epilogue

Stiles' fingers grazed over the top of the cold stone. The cool air chilled his exposed skin.

"I miss you," Stiles whispered quietly before stepping away from the headstone. He forced his feet forward through the fallen leaves.

As he reached the edge of the graveyard, his dad pulled him in close, "I know this is hard, son," Sheriff Stilinski spoke into Stiles' shoulder.

"Thanks for coming with me, dad," Stiles smiled around teary eyes as he pulled back.

Stiles turned then to the man next to his dad.

"I'm so proud of you," Derek smiled as he wrapped his arms around Stiles next.

Stiles buried his face in Derek's chest.

"I'll see you two at home, I should get back to the station," Noah smiled warmly at the couple.

Stiles nodded as Derek opened the passenger side door of the Camaro.

When Derek climbed in next to Stiles, he threaded their fingers together.

"How do you feel?" Derek asked as he drove them back to the Sheriff's house.

"I'm doing okay," Stiles smiled sadly. This had been a big step for him.

"I can't tell you how proud I am. I know your dad is too," Derek gave Stiles' hand a gentle squeeze. 

Stiles didn't respond as they pulled up to the house. He wanted to be proud of himself, but he was ashamed it had taken him so long to do this.

Derek climbed out of the car and walked around to Stiles' side.

Stiles closed the door and was immediately pulled into Derek's arms.

"Hey, you don't have anything to feel guilty about."

Stiles' dropped his head. Of course Derek had smelled the guilt on him.

"I just wish I'd had the guts to do this before," Stiles shrugged, not looking up.

"Remember what we talked about? There's a healing process. You can't face your demons all in one go, it'll drive you mad. It took time but now look at you, it's October fifteenth for crying out loud. You took time off of work willingly to visit home on October fifteenth. If that's not an accomplishment than I don't know what is. You've come such a long way just in the last year. Allison would be proud of you. You know that," Derek lifted Stiles' chin so their noses were barely touching.

"I love you," Stiles sighed. Derek always knew the right thing to say.

"I love you too, Stiles," Derek leaned down, closing the few inches between their lips.

"So how long are you going to make Scott wait?" Derek asked pulling away. A smirk on his lips.

"Til tomorrow at least," Stiles smiled back.

"He thinks you're moving back home. Your dad told me."

"Scott thinks the big news I have to tell him is I'm moving back home?" Stiles scoffed, "He can be really dumb sometimes."

"You don't think your dad already told everyone?" Derek asked with a raised brow. "They could just be pretending not to know."

"No way, my dad is the world's best secret keeper. That's where I get it from," Stiles grinned.

"Well I know Cora didn't tell anyone and I didn't dare tell Peter."

"Are we inviting Peter?" Stiles asked then.

"Huh, I didn't even think about it. I guess we'll need to come up with a guest list," Derek looked thoughtful.

"Oh don't worry, once Lydia finds out, she'll take over the whole thing. I told you, it'll be stress free for us," Stiles laughed, nuzzling into Derek.

Derek laughed with him.

When a comfortable silence fell over them, Stiles cleared his throat.

"I wish your family was going to be there."

"I know. I do too," Derek agreed sadly. 

"You mentioned an outside wedding," Stiles pulled back then, to look at Derek then.

"Yeah?"

"What about the land where the Hale house used to be. It's cleared out and a beautiful spot. Lydia could make it work." 

Derek's face softened into a fond smile, "That would mean a lot to me."

"Good, then it's settled. I'll be sure to let Lydia know," Stiles leaned back into Derek's chest. His fingers fidgeted with the silver band on his left finger. He couldn't wait to see everyone's faces when he told them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a terrible epilogue but I'm seriously the worst as endings!! Anyway thank you to everyone who has followed this story. I appreciate your feedback and patience as I updated! It's funny that this started out as a tiny one shot. I'm so glad I decided to make it into something more! Thanks again for all your support! Love you!!!


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